Bieber and His Philosophical Song

I never thought that a Justin Bieber song would get me thinking so deeply. Well played, Bieber.

If you haven't heard already, Bieber's latest song "What Do You Mean" literally calls out every single indecisive person, which is almost everyone at some point.

Though I am not a Bieber fan, I must admit that the song is not only catchy and infectious but it also draws an interesting point. What does he mean with this song? I can imagine him saying this to his current girl du jour, who is probably an indecisive person as well. 

As humans we have this amazing power to manipulate our words to the point where there is a massive disconnect between what we say and how we say it, or how we portray it. I am only starting to realize how eerily close this sounds to my mom, but I suppose there is a lot of validity to it.

The truth is, it's not just a girl thing or just a guy thing. We are all indecisive and manipulative creatures. We don't really know what we want or what we mean. When I first heard this song, I got really defensive and offended against his lyrics: "What do you mean / when you nod your head yes, but you're telling me no". I kept telling myself that I don't do that. To quote James 5:12, "Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no', 'no'". Such simple words really shouldn't be manipulated, but the more I thought about it, I began to crumple at the fact that my 'yes' wasn't truly a 'yes'.

I spent a lot of time in immature relationships where I was incredibly immature and indecisive. I craved the attention and the "love" that a boyfriend could offer me, but I also wanted space and independence. At the beginning of relationships, when everything is so young and new, all I wanted to do was to spend every waking moment with my boyfriend. As the relationship progressed I began to feel choked and craved space. But when I felt my importance in his life begin to fade, I would start to act out and start pulling these one liners that Bieber is complaining about in his song: "You want me to stay, but you're telling me to go." Looking back on my experiences now, I was pretty much a nightmare. I wanted these boys to be mine, but I wanted them to make sure that they knew that I had a life. At the same time, they couldn't have a life. And if I couldn't have them, no one could.

I SHAKE MY HEAD at my young and naive thinking. And unfortunately, this phenomenon of opposite meaning is growing and growing.

(giphy.com)

                                 

The growing use of social media and communication through screens has perpetuated bit of a problem on our hands, literally. It is so difficult to detect sarcasm or "true meanings" when you are texting, and yet so many people still choose to communicate mostly through text. I am totally guilty of this, and I don't think that my habits will ever change. But at the same time, I value the realness that face to face conversation brings us.

I began my studies in communications this year at school, and I have to say that it is quite fascinating to learn about how we communicate. The reason that oral culture, or speaking face to face, is regarded as "more real" is purely out of the fact that we can learn so much more from what the other person is saying. When you see the person, you can really hear their intonation: the way their voice goes up or down, added emphasis on certain words or phrases. You can also watch their body language, which tells us so much more than the words they say. You can see their facial expression change as the words are said and more words are heard. Obviously none of this is really possible when you are texting. You can't here the inflection in their voice or see their fists clench up or eyes draw downwards. We are constantly left guessing and interpreting texts. What do they mean? Are they joking, or are they actually serious?

This is why there is such a great need for oral culture to exist. Can you imagine if wedding vows were done via text message? The thought of it sounds absurd - but yet, it seems so possible. Certain institutions, like that of marriage, still remain as something that requires face to face communication to show emotion and sincerity. The same goes with apologies, or breaking up with someone. I guess that's why I get so upset when people apologize over a text message, or break up with someone via a Facebook message. Where is the sincerity? You just typed two words and sent them into the universe. It is so easy, almost too easy, to escape from your responsibility. I'm not saying that we shame people when they apologize in person. Apologizing in person and breaking up in person is something very, very difficult to do - I've been there both times. At the same time, I have been apologized to and broken up with over text messages, and they both hurt immensely. There is no closure or realness to it. When you do these things over text, even something as simple as "I'm sorry" or "it's over" can be left to interpretation - especially when your emotions are running high and your mind is running at a million miles a minute.

(giphy.com)

All of these seems so simple, and yet we constantly see fights happening over miscommunication and misunderstandings. We need to make sure that we know exactly what we mean before we say (or post.. or text) anything. In a world where our minds are so hyperactive and is constantly being bombarded with information, we have become almost "philosophical" in a way that constantly over think everything. 

It's going to be difficult for me to dial back my over thinking mind and relying less on text conversations, but I hope that we all wake up and find a happy medium, somehow.

So thank you Justin Bieber, for spurring these thoughts inside of me. Keep having face to face conversations - they were the original way to socialize!

PS - I promise to have a Rachel Reacts up soon!! Thanks for bearing with me!

Until next time,

x R

Self-Conscious, Superficial and Insecure

Just to recap, the Lower Mainland was hit with a massive wind and rain storm that left many people without power for the whole weekend. My family was included in that power outage. But, to add to our misadventures, we couldn't get back into our house, leaving us to stay with my godmother for the night.

Obviously, the situation is not ideal. We were caught off guard, with only the clothes on our backs and the money in our wallets. Thankfully, everything resolved itself and we were all safe. I am so thankful that my godmother had let us stay with her overnight and that we had friends to help us get back into our home so that we didn't have to wander around town another night.

But I came to a revelation, a small but sad one.

I didn't know that blustery wind and the torrential downpour would result in a whirlwind weekend excursion when I woke up on Saturday morning. As we went through the day, everything was going fine until I got ready to go to sleep that night.

I realized that I had no make up to wear the next day.

(from giphy.com)

And yes, you have my permission to scoff at my superficiality and non-existent fears. But hear me out.

I woke up the next morning with red splotches, acne scars and barely there eye brows. I was so used to relying on a little moisturizer, foundation and an eyebrow pencil to wake up my face. Unfortunately for me, my morning routine was cut short as I brushed my teeth and hair.

So I walked through my day - church, lunch, walk with my godmother and the mall - and felt self conscious about everything. My eyebrows were invisible. My acne scars were larger than they were. The redness was not going away. My skin looks dry and I look incredibly tired.

But after my fifth bout of feeling sorry for myself and looking at myself in the mirror, I began to realize how incredibly superficial I was being.

My personality and who I am is not defined by how flawless my face looks. I define myself through what I say and how I act. I should be proud and confident in myself, make up or not.

And I suppose this is where my insecurity lies. I still am dependent on make up to make me feel better about myself. This is not to say that I am hating on make up or not wearing it ever again - you have no idea how happy I was to have it available to me this morning. But on the flip side, make up should be a nice to have and a way to enhance my natural features, not my lifeline. 

(AMIRIGHT?! - from giphy.com)

Being so exposed to social media and pop culture on a daily basis, it is easy to be persuaded that you are not good enough or that you need to be like the models in magazines or on TV to feel good about myself. It is easy to complain about our "flaw-ful" features and compare it to that of the unattainable and somewhat impossible standards that the media has bombarded us with.

Adding to my shame, I remember a video that I saw on Facebook about a Youtuber who runs a make up channel, My Pale Skin. There was a video that was titled something shocking - "You Look Disgusting" - and it tugged at my heartstrings and my attention.

The video came about when this girl named Em began posting no make up pictures of herself to her social media. This resulted in mean comments directed at her, along the lines of "you look disgusting", "you are so ugly", and other nasty stuff like that. But even when she does her make up - and she looks beautiful regardless - the comments (which are pulled from her social media) continue to take a disrespectful turn.

How superficial are we as a society? How demanding and self-centered are we? The standards that we have come to swear by are impossible, and we not only hold each other to such standards but ourselves as well. It has become a never ending race to becoming the perfect human being.

But here's the thing - we may not be perfect, and perhaps never will be. At the same time, though, we are perfect in our own ways.

This is a struggle for me to live with everyday, because I am my own worst critic. I tell myself that I need to lose weight, tone my arms, and learn how to apply makeup better. But all of this self-deprecation becomes tiring and worse, is unhealthy for me. And it's unhealthy for you too!

Being healthy, living and breathing should be the things in life that we are grateful for. If we are not truly happy about that, is there anything in life that we can truly be happy about?

Keep using makeup and making yourself look pretty, but remind yourself that it's not the be all or end all. And as cliched as this sounds, you are amazing, just the way you are.

Thanks, Bruno Mars.

Here is the video from My Pale Skin - while it is difficult to watch, it definitely is a must see:

x R