It's Never a Good Time to Date

I got warm fuzzy feelings from watching them.

From where I sat, I put aside my studying to watch my friend, Stephanie*, talk to a guy - a guy that had been the subject of many previous conversations. A guy that I would always tease her about. A guy that she was meant to be with.

I can see it in her face that she is happy around him. It's the type of happiness that is very rare for her. Her dad left when she was in elementary school and her first boyfriend had cheated on her. Needless to say, she hadn't had the best experiences with guys.

I tell her this when she finally comes over to see me, 10 minutes later than our proposed meeting time. And while she apologizes, I ask er what puns the guy - Darren* - was making this time to make her laugh so loud.

This would begin our banter about him. I am happy that she is so elated to have found someone special to spend time with. I then ask her if she would want Darren to ask her out, and how she would respond to it. Stephanie mulled over the question about it, and then, to my surprise, said that she wouldn't. Not because she wanted to friend-zone him or because she didn't see herself with him, but because she wasn't sure of what the future had in store for her. Particularly:

"I don't know if someone better is going to come along. I want to make sure that this someone is perfect and special."

There seems to be a division between whether or not it is better to date around to find the perfect fit, or if we should wait for the perfect fit - if there even is one - finds you. I personally agree with Stephanie that I want to meet the right one: someone who is kind, caring, respectful and honest.

However, younger and younger girls are starting to find themselves on the "dating" scene, looking for potential boyfriends. And this is alarming, especially because when we were that age, we weren't thinking about dating at all. It was one thing to have a crush, but another thing to actually date him.

If this were the Victorian age this wouldn't be so alarming - in fact, many young girls would probably be getting ready to be married off at this point. But at the same tie, their courtship practices was really different from ours. For one thing, they actually had a built in room for dating, called a parlour. Most likely all Jane Austen, Brontë family-esque novels that you may have read probably made a reference (or five) to the parlour.

(Yup, it doesn't get any sexier than this. Credit: http://neovictorianparlour.blogspot.ca/2013/02/victorian-romance.html)

The purpose of the parlour was a place where the eligible young man would come to the house of the lady and they would sit and talk in the parlour for hours until it was dinner time, in which the young man would leave. But here's the catch - the parlour faces a ginormous window with huge curtains that are drawn back so that everyone walking about outside can see the courtship happening in action. It was like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Victorian Age.

But obviously times have changed and the way that we date and when we date is drastically different from before. Jumping back to my friend Stephanie, she had dated one guy previous to meeting Darren. This ex had broken her trust and left her with a really uneasy feeling for relationships.It is natural, then, to want to be extra cautious of the next guy because you don't want to find yourself in "The Cheating Boyfriend: The Sequel".

So maybe, we need to have an inward look at ourselves to see if we are ready for commitment and relationship, what our motives are, and what we want from the relationship. Having a clear understanding of self and knowing what your goals are in life are good to establish before you have someone else come into the picture.

Not everyone is going to be lucky enough to date one person and marry that same person. And while some relationships may end in disaster, it's important to learn from the relationship and grow from it. Even if you decide that you are never going to talk to him again, at least make a learning opportunity out of it. Wish him well, not dead. 

At the same time, take your time with everything. We live in a world where we like to rush things and go super fast. But taking the time to really get to know someone - their likes and dislikes - and seeing how they mesh with you, your family, your friends and vice versa is really valuable, But if you don't go and take the time to meet people, then it's very difficult to see how your personalities match - or clash.

Finally, like I always tell Stephanie, take a chance on him. Stephanie and Darren have known each other for just over a year, and they hang out all the time and have met each other's families. In everyone's minds, it's all the same: Why aren't you together yet?? I can understand Stephanie's hurt and wanting to hold out for someone better. There might be someone better, but there might not be. Love and dating is a bit of a gamble in that sense, but you'll never know unless you try. You never want to settle for less and sell yourself short, but it's also good to realize when you have a good opportunity, whether it's a guy, a job offer, or an experience.

(Thank you Zac Efron. Credit: Tumblr)               

I've had my own issues with boyfriends where it wasn't the right time or we were just too immature to foster a relationship beyond hand holding and all of our friends oohing and aahing. But I feel that we should give each person a chance and see where things go. We tend to generalize, especially during our time of hurt, that all guys (or girls) are heartbreakers and that they will all be the same. I assure you that there are nice people out there. We just need to meet them.

It's never a good time to date, but if the right people are in your life and you have the right motivations, then maybe it's time to make time for that person. Learn from your mistakes and take a chance - after all, what else are you gonna do?

Cheers,

x R

PS - * Names changed

PPS - want to read more mindless banter? I've started using Medium. I kinda suck at it but it's going. Anyhow, I've started a publication on Medium called Personal Life Lessons which is basically a miniature of blog. My goal is to write on it everyday just as a brain warmer-upper (is that even a phrase?) Please check it out, and let me know if you ever want to contribute to it!! :)

Ignorance Makes You Look Bad

Amidst all the rain we had lately, we experienced a gorgeous day today!

I honestly can't stand the rain. It's so wet and soggy and it just gets everywhere: your shoes, your clothes, your hair, your eyes.. it's so disgusting. I question those that say that rain has a romantic element to it.

But what I find even more disgusting are people that are rude, ignorant, quick to judge, and racist. I'm pretty sure I'm living in the 21st century, but the attitudes and ignorance that I have come across really makes me question our progressiveness and whether or not I am stuck a couple centuries back.

Here is another transit tale for you.

I have had the worst sleep schedule ever since school started. Added to this is my annoying back pain (which may have been worsened by my accident) that keeps me up at night. So in essence, I get really sleepy, and transit is probably one of the best places to sleep. Although I am just realizing now that it may be really unsafe to do so. But I digress.

When I got on at Scott Road, I sat next to a guy who looked to be in his mid 20s, so a few years older than me. I couldn't really tell what ethnicity he was because he was slumped against the window, sleeping. I shrugged it off and took my seat. With the slow rocking of the Skytrain I began to feel myself drifting off to sleep, which was much appreciated since I couldn't sleep the night before.

So I fell asleep.

I wasn't entirely unconscious. I was just asleep enough to feel like my batteries were recharging, but conscious enough to hear everything that was going on around me, including the looming voice that listed off every stop. I kept an ear open for my stop, because it had happened before where I had missed my stop due to my slumber.

About halfway into my journey I could hear shuffling feet come up behind me and beside me. In a language that I could somewhat pick apart, I heard a woman speak to someone else. Without opening my eyes I could already see what was probably happening in front of me: this woman was probably helping an elderly person into the seat in front of me. No big deal, so I shrugged it off again and continued on in my sleep

(Same. http://hilariousgifs.com)

But then came the interesting part.

The woman changed her language from what I realized then was Mandarin (which I can barely understand) to Cantonese (which I can understand pretty well). And what I heard (loosely translated) shocked me.

"Those ______________. So lazy. Doesn't even get up to let the elderly sit. Sleeping and being useless. So lazy."

I slowly opened my eyes to see who was speaking. There before me stood a Chinese woman and her daughter, and the elderly couple that was sitting in the seats in front of me. Next to me, I saw that the sleeping guy was now awake, and clearly seething.

At this point I should tell you that the blank refers to an ethnicity that the (ever so ignorant) Chinese woman used. I don't want to use it because hearing it made me feel super uncomfortable. But clearly, she had (sadly) mistaken me and the other guy for another ethnicity.

The guy looked at me and asked if I was the said ethnicity, and I asked him the same thing. It turned out that he was Chinese too, but he had been asked a number of times. It was a question, he said, that didn't faze him anymore.

He went on to tell me that his girlfriend was at home with his 3 year old son and infant daughter. He was working two jobs to make ends meet, and he was going to work a nighttime shift. He wouldn't be home again until Sunday afternoon. Sheepishly, I didn't any good reason to be passed out, but he laughed and said that at least I wasn't the one going around making ignorant comments.

As we approached Commercial-Broadway, he got up and walked over to the woman and said to her everything that he told me, in perfect Cantonese. He concluded by saying to her in English, "Don't judge a book by it's cover. Don't be so judgmental."

With a stunned look, she looked over at me. I got off at the next stop and didn't really have anything to say to her, so I just smiled.

(k bye!!! http://ladyclever.com/culture/marriage-equality-now-in-all-50-states-as-told-by-gifs/attachment/bye-bye-gif/)

                         

This entire situation made me cringe. As ignorant as she was, this doesn't even begin to count as a serious case of racism. But then again, should we even let it get to be so serious?

This woman made an offensive statement using a stereotype that she may have encountered or heard. It made it explicitly clear to me that she has a very narrow view of the world and is really set in her ways. But this kind of attitude is the type of attitude that can perpetuate into larger issues of hate and racism if ignored.

Every person's situation is unique and everyone is different. What may be the norm for certain groups in society may not always translate to every single member.

I can assure you that when I am awake, I am a good citizen in that when there is an elderly person on a full bus, I will give them my seat. But on an empty Skytrain? Those words weren't warranted. They are never warranted. I'm not using the empty Skytrain to justify the fact that I didn't get up, but regardless of situation, words like those that are hateful and directed against a certain ethnic group are just uncalled for. And for the record, some of these people happen to include some of the hardest workers that I know.

Yes, this is a society in which free speech is the epitome of your democracy and right. So let's be real here: you can totally say whatever the hell you want, and some people will just nod and smile. But at the end of the day, ignorance makes you look bad.

And that's all.

(I love Mindy Lahiri. http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6888857/15-gifs-that-drop-the-mic-and-are-out)

                   

Until next time,

x R

Rachel Reacts: Bacon (And Other Things)

A lot has happened since I last reacted - so let's get right into it:

1/ ... Bacon, Ham, Red Meat and the WHO

(giphy.com)

             
Not The Who like the band, I mean the World Health Organization (WHO, you ask?)
Aside from that terrible pun, the WHO came out with a report in late October that crushed the lives of millions and millions that love meat of all kinds, particularly that of processed nature. So any kind of bacon, deli meat, and even red meats are now said to be linked to a higher risk to having cancer. Some reports went way into the deep end by drawing the parallel that eating processed meat is just as harmful as tobacco and asbestos. Rest assured, the WHO shot down that claim. However, it is still a wake up call to the rest of us to stop eating these meats on a regular basis so as to control our future risk of cancer.
But here's the thing: when my Facebook and Twitter lit up that night with bacon filled posts, a part of me was not convinced at all. Yes, the WHO has extensive research to conclude that processed meats are now classified as a carcinogen (group 1). But previous research has said similar things, albeit not to the extent that processed meat could cause cancer. We already know that high and regular consumption of processed meat can lead to conditions like obesity and heart disease, which is why you don't eat bacon every day. But if you really can't help it, then exercise and balance it out with a lot of fruits and vegetables. This will only remain an issue if you let it. So get up and exercise, and try something new, like chicken.

2/ ... Essena O'Neill

(http://www.manrepeller.com/minor_cogitations/essena-oneill-quit-social-media.html)

My most recent blog post was inspired by Essena! Just a quick recap: This 18 year old girl from Australia had built for herself a massive internet empire with large followings on Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr and Snapchat. She had gotten so famous that she began to receive sponsorship from various companies to pose with their products. But recently she revealed that all of this fame and having what many of her followers dubbed as "the perfect life" did not make her happy - in fact, it was quite the opposite. Because of this, she "quit" social media cold turkey (a carcinogen?) - She deleted her Tumblr account and discontinued posting videos, as well as deleting over 2000 pictures from her Instagram feed and changed the captions of many to reflect the true meaning behind the "perfect" snap. She says that despite being looked up to and being worshiped by thousands of girls, she knew that this was all a facade and incredibly misleading. I applaud Essena's bravery and wish for authenticity. So many times do we find ourselves trying to project a certain image of ourselves onto social media, just so that we can come across as happy. But our true happiness is not determined by a number of followers or likes. Being content - truly content - requires humility and respect for ourselves. We should be incredibly thankful with what we do have instead of focusing on what we don't have.

3/ ... Gender balanced Cabinet

("Because it's 2015" will probably go down in history. - http://www.themarysue.com/justin-trudeau-cabinet/)

 After being sworn in on November 4th, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed his new Cabinet. His cabinet has been dubbed "gender balanced", "progressive" and "accepting" of various minorities. A quick breakdown of the cabinet includes 15 women out of the 31 cabinet members, 2 Indigenous ministers, 3 ministers with disabilities, a mix of rookie and veteran ministers, and regional representation across the board. This is definitely a step in the positive direction for diversity, inclusion and equality for all, especially in the area of government decision making. I think that it's great that we have such a diverse cabinet (with an equal proportion of women to men!) as well as many ministers that have different backgrounds outside of politics. It will be interesting to see where this takes our country in the future. And his reaction when asked why he aimed for such diversity in his cabinet? Classic.

That's all for now! Stay rad :)

Until next time,

x R

Updates for God

Everything came together all at once.

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with close friends, meet new people and relax after midterms. But while I enjoyed the time that I spent with people, my mind was elsewhere: I was thinking of the best way to take a super awesome shot for my Instagram.

I say that this all comes together at once because this revelation that I had about my absenteeism in social situations came into my mind last night in a near tragic situation. Without going into too much detail, I nearly got into a car accident that had all the components of being fatal - but thankfully God was on my side and I walked away unharmed, just shaken.

On Facebook today, I read a Buzzfeed article about Essena O'Neil, an Australian Internet celebrity who recently quit many of her social media platforms after spending years building a huge Internet presence and empire. The reason why she quit was an admirable one: she saw that she was becoming consumed by this idea that she had to post "perfection" and "goal-worthy" pictures in order to be liked.

So how does this all relate?

In that split second where you have no control over the situations at hand and have no idea how it will all end, all the countless selfies, "candid" shots, #OOTD posts, aesthetic food shots... it means nothing at the end of the day.

(Stefan from SNL!! - from giphy.com)

Many people probably know that I have a large social media presence, from Facebook to Twitter, from Tumblr to this blog, from Instagram to contributing to other blogs and beyond. Lately everything that I post, especially when it comes to Instagram, has become very staged. And I too am beginning to realize, like Essena, that I am being consumed by this inner struggle of staging perfection to everyone else.

I am uploading more and more of my life to the outside world and not truly savouring the moment. I spend so much stressing out over getting the perfect shot that I forget to enjoy the company of those around me. But most of all, I am spending more time updating my life to others than I am to God.

God doesn't care about my tweets or my status updates or Instagram pics. He knows everything that I will do before I even do it, so He doesn't need any social media updates of any kind. But what He does want is to foster a deeper relationship with me - and you!

Lately, filters have taken priority over contemplation and prayer. I spend time finding the perfect picture to post, but what about spending time finding the perfect way to live in His image? While God doesn't need updates throughout the day, He does appreciate the time that we spend in silence and time spent talking to Him about our troubles, our worries, but our joys and sources of happiness as well. And these are the worthwhile "updates" that He wants to hear!

(Betty White is awesome. from giphy.com)

After the moment of impact yesterday, I realized all too abruptly that our life can be taken away from us without warning. While I probably won't be quitting all social media anytime soon, I know that I will spend even more time taking care of myself and updating God even more than I update my social media. You will still probably see more food shots for my food blog, selfies from time to time and very meticulous and thought out posts, but I know now that my focus should not be on trying to seem perfect.

On that note, never feel like your life is not interesting enough. Everyone's life is unique and wonderful, and we need to take advantage of the opportunities that we have and engage in the world around us. Because if we don't, our life will pass us by without warning.

Until next time,

x R