It's Never a Good Time to Date

I got warm fuzzy feelings from watching them.

From where I sat, I put aside my studying to watch my friend, Stephanie*, talk to a guy - a guy that had been the subject of many previous conversations. A guy that I would always tease her about. A guy that she was meant to be with.

I can see it in her face that she is happy around him. It's the type of happiness that is very rare for her. Her dad left when she was in elementary school and her first boyfriend had cheated on her. Needless to say, she hadn't had the best experiences with guys.

I tell her this when she finally comes over to see me, 10 minutes later than our proposed meeting time. And while she apologizes, I ask er what puns the guy - Darren* - was making this time to make her laugh so loud.

This would begin our banter about him. I am happy that she is so elated to have found someone special to spend time with. I then ask her if she would want Darren to ask her out, and how she would respond to it. Stephanie mulled over the question about it, and then, to my surprise, said that she wouldn't. Not because she wanted to friend-zone him or because she didn't see herself with him, but because she wasn't sure of what the future had in store for her. Particularly:

"I don't know if someone better is going to come along. I want to make sure that this someone is perfect and special."

There seems to be a division between whether or not it is better to date around to find the perfect fit, or if we should wait for the perfect fit - if there even is one - finds you. I personally agree with Stephanie that I want to meet the right one: someone who is kind, caring, respectful and honest.

However, younger and younger girls are starting to find themselves on the "dating" scene, looking for potential boyfriends. And this is alarming, especially because when we were that age, we weren't thinking about dating at all. It was one thing to have a crush, but another thing to actually date him.

If this were the Victorian age this wouldn't be so alarming - in fact, many young girls would probably be getting ready to be married off at this point. But at the same tie, their courtship practices was really different from ours. For one thing, they actually had a built in room for dating, called a parlour. Most likely all Jane Austen, Brontë family-esque novels that you may have read probably made a reference (or five) to the parlour.

(Yup, it doesn't get any sexier than this. Credit: http://neovictorianparlour.blogspot.ca/2013/02/victorian-romance.html)

The purpose of the parlour was a place where the eligible young man would come to the house of the lady and they would sit and talk in the parlour for hours until it was dinner time, in which the young man would leave. But here's the catch - the parlour faces a ginormous window with huge curtains that are drawn back so that everyone walking about outside can see the courtship happening in action. It was like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Victorian Age.

But obviously times have changed and the way that we date and when we date is drastically different from before. Jumping back to my friend Stephanie, she had dated one guy previous to meeting Darren. This ex had broken her trust and left her with a really uneasy feeling for relationships.It is natural, then, to want to be extra cautious of the next guy because you don't want to find yourself in "The Cheating Boyfriend: The Sequel".

So maybe, we need to have an inward look at ourselves to see if we are ready for commitment and relationship, what our motives are, and what we want from the relationship. Having a clear understanding of self and knowing what your goals are in life are good to establish before you have someone else come into the picture.

Not everyone is going to be lucky enough to date one person and marry that same person. And while some relationships may end in disaster, it's important to learn from the relationship and grow from it. Even if you decide that you are never going to talk to him again, at least make a learning opportunity out of it. Wish him well, not dead. 

At the same time, take your time with everything. We live in a world where we like to rush things and go super fast. But taking the time to really get to know someone - their likes and dislikes - and seeing how they mesh with you, your family, your friends and vice versa is really valuable, But if you don't go and take the time to meet people, then it's very difficult to see how your personalities match - or clash.

Finally, like I always tell Stephanie, take a chance on him. Stephanie and Darren have known each other for just over a year, and they hang out all the time and have met each other's families. In everyone's minds, it's all the same: Why aren't you together yet?? I can understand Stephanie's hurt and wanting to hold out for someone better. There might be someone better, but there might not be. Love and dating is a bit of a gamble in that sense, but you'll never know unless you try. You never want to settle for less and sell yourself short, but it's also good to realize when you have a good opportunity, whether it's a guy, a job offer, or an experience.

(Thank you Zac Efron. Credit: Tumblr)               

I've had my own issues with boyfriends where it wasn't the right time or we were just too immature to foster a relationship beyond hand holding and all of our friends oohing and aahing. But I feel that we should give each person a chance and see where things go. We tend to generalize, especially during our time of hurt, that all guys (or girls) are heartbreakers and that they will all be the same. I assure you that there are nice people out there. We just need to meet them.

It's never a good time to date, but if the right people are in your life and you have the right motivations, then maybe it's time to make time for that person. Learn from your mistakes and take a chance - after all, what else are you gonna do?

Cheers,

x R

PS - * Names changed

PPS - want to read more mindless banter? I've started using Medium. I kinda suck at it but it's going. Anyhow, I've started a publication on Medium called Personal Life Lessons which is basically a miniature of blog. My goal is to write on it everyday just as a brain warmer-upper (is that even a phrase?) Please check it out, and let me know if you ever want to contribute to it!! :)

"Puberty? No Thanks."

On the radio at work the other day, an interesting story caught my attention and I stopped to take a listen.

A mother in Denver, Colorado publicly chastised her 13 year old daughter who had created a Facebook page, posed as a 19 year old girl and posted racy photos of herself on that page. When her mom found out about this page and the fact that she had befriended older men that were more than double her age, she took to Facebook. Posting a video of her openly reprimanding her daughter, mother Valerie Starks pointed out different things - her daughter's true age, her bed time, what she watches on TV - that would hopefully clear the air that this girl truly is 13.

I am not here to discuss whether or not Valerie Starks' chosen method of punishment is fair or not, while that is an interesting topic of discussion. What I do want to talk about is the 13 year old girl.

I have never met this 13 year old girl before. I don't know her situation, what is going through her mind and the troubles that she has been through. And some how, knowing this information may be able to help answer the question why. Why did she make this Facebook page? Why did she pose as a 19 year old girl? Why?

In a previous post I marveled at how girls seem to be maturing at double the speed that I was. When I say maturing, I mean the clothes they wear, how they talk, how they present themselves and what they do in their spare time. It is quite shocking to be scrolling through Instagram or Facebook and see girls that I have seen growing up in elementary school, and all of a sudden, they are going out to parties or spending afternoons with their friends downtown.

But the biggest thing that surprises me about this 13 year old girl and other girls of similar age is the fact that they seemed to have bypass the whole adolescence and puberty stage and went straight to being teenagers.

In a time when the world is so focused on consumerism and instant gratification, I have begun to brush shoulders with younger girls inside of H&M. I would be waiting in line at Starbucks sandwiched in between the tweens of today. They would be going to the parties that I have never gone to.

I might be a tad jealous. Just a bit. But at the same time, I feel sad for the up and coming generation.

The biggest part of life is growing up. Growing up has it's perks, but it also has its ugly sides. One of those ugly sides is the awkward stage of puberty.

I loathed puberty. The minute I turned 12 it seemed like it all went down hill from there. It was like the universe was taunting me, saying "Hey, happy birthday, here is a storm of nasty things for you to enjoy for the rest of your life." And those nasty things included angry hormones, acne, untamed eyebrows, weight gain and continually looking flat as a board.

Of course, all bad things come to an end and eventually pass as well, and the golden age of 15 seemed to be when puberty began to bite the dust inside of me. Now, I can confidently say that I look more like a girl, and I can also very confidently say that I do not miss puberty one bit.

Having said that, one can't just bypass puberty. You can't take a pass on it, say "thanks but no thanks" and pretend like it doesn't exist. Because like it or not, you are growing up and when you grow up, a lot of things change. It is a rite of passage and coming of age thing.

So seeing girls at age 12 or 13 who wear make up, have flawless skin and are wearing clothes that I wear now is disheartening. I can't blame them for their good fortune. However, the disheartening part comes from the fact that many girls have rushed through this "coming of age".

What has forced girls to grow up so much faster than they need to? Instead of complaining about not having enough books to read, more and more girls are now concerned about what selfie they should post on Instagram. All the worries that a typical teenager would have seems to be universal across all ages of walking and talking girls, and the younger ones are starting to catch on.

I'm not saying that we need to hold on to all of our young girls and shield them from the outside world or only let them go out when they turn 20. What I hope is that girls don't feel the pressure to grow up too fast. Because let's face it, even with the restrictions that some of our parents may give us when we are young children, the life of a child is not hard at all. There is little responsibility and little risk of anything harming us. Entering into a world of social media, pop culture and consumerism can be challenging to navigate and keep up with. But young girls (and I mean real 12, 13 year olds) shouldn't feel this pressure that they have to shop at Forever 21 or have Instagram accounts.

Life is beautiful, and all girls are beautiful. Life is a process, and going through it helps you to grow and prepare for what lies ahead. And truthfully, I would have loved to skip puberty altogether, but I know that without it, I would not get to where I am today. Every day  I learn something new, and throughout puberty I learned more and more about self-awareness and self confidence.

What you wear should not define you. What social media you have or don't have should not define you. Whether or not you wear make should not define you. Your age, your weight, your height - none of that should define you.

You should be defined by who you are. We need to be the generation who is comfortable in our own skin.

Whether or not this 13 year old girl posed as a 19 year old girl because she was insecure, not feeling the adolescence life or just wanted to get back at her mom does not matter. What I hope for her, and all young girls, is that they remember that you are all wonderful and beautiful people. Puberty will pass and you will survive (living example: me). You will outgrow the awkwardness and begin to look normal (another living example: me). And in retrospect, it's not all scary. In fact, it is a life changing moment when you begin to realize that you are growing up. This growing up thing happens inevitably, and when time passes, you can't get it back. Enjoy the time that you have right now, regardless of age. You will only be 13 once - embrace it!

Never be ashamed of your age - you are special, unique, and the world needs you to be that way!

     then vs. now   

Your favorite teenager (who can't actually claim that she is a teenager anymore),

x R

Dear (Younger) Me,

So I know I am slightly behind (2009 called, they want their idea back), but in my defense, YouTube was doing this too. They are behind, and I am behind them. So everyone is behind.

About a month ago YouTube had this explosion of Dear Me videos. I vowed that I would get around to doing something like a letter or a video, but unfortunately life got in the way. But now I am here, and I have a letter to myself. I was going to do a video but then I realized that I am not as technologically advanced as I think. The Dear Me campaign consisted of letters written by people who are now adults, looking back on their 16 year old selves and imparting on them the knowledge that they have now.

I realize that I am only 18 (going on 19, finally) and that 16 was only a mere 2 years ago. I may not have gotten that much older but I feel like I have grown wiser in some respects. Or, at least that is what I would like to claim.

But here we go.

Dear (younger) me,

Spoiler alert: Life goes down. It goes down. But then, it goes way up. Life, as I have finally figured out, works that way. There are ups and downs, nasty turns but marvelous views. There are a million and one ways to get to a certain destination, and even though you didn't see it at the time, the scenic route was definitely more rewarding than the straightforward route that is ten times faster.

The thing is, you learn so much growing up. Friends come and go, and sometimes even the bestest friends in the world have to fall apart. You don't have to do everything your friends do. It's alright that you don't feel comfortable partying or having loud nights out. You are still you, and you are still unique and important.

All the people that pushed you around at one time or another, another spoiler alert: they don't mean anything. In the future, you will find yourself talking and even reconciling with people that you never thought you would. You will push aside the brick walls that had separated you from them. There are some fights that are worth fighting, and some that you just have to let go of. You will have fights with people that, in the grand scheme of things, aren't there for you at the end of the day. So why are you upset? Why are you hurting over people that don't care for you? Move on! The people that truly do care about you are there: you have to let them in and push out the things and ones that don't matter.

And as for boys, you will meet many. I think this is the hardest part to write about to you, my dear. You know as much as I do that you fall hard for guys: the tall ones, the dark haired ones, the cute ones, the sweet talking ones. But you are so young! Why so serious? Why tie yourself down so quickly? The boys that you thought you were in love with, it's not serious. I'll say it to you again: you will move on! You will meet other guys! It's extremely difficult to move on from someone who you thought loved you, but you will. I know you will, because look where we are now. Focus on finding who you are, and what you want out of  someone, and find that one person that will respect you for being you, and not what your body can or cannot do.

Finally, guess who still hasn't figured their life out? You haven't, or I haven't. Both of us haven't. You probably aren't stressing about this part of life yet. But let your mind roam and your heart desire. There are so many opportunities in the world. Don't let others tie you down into believing that you have to go into a certain career for you to succeed. Because either way, you will. Never think that you are not good enough for this person or that position. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you.

The world has so much to offer you - all you have to do is stand up and go after what they have. Do your best always, never give up and always give 150% in everything you do. Because when you do, great things will happen.

I believe in you and I love you.

Love always,

Me

x R

Hello, 2015

It is incredibly strange to be writing this with the title as 2015. Where did 2014 go? It only seemed like yesterday that I was ringing in 2014 the way I usually do with my family. But one blink and 365 days have passed, with not one day wasted.

2014 was a good year.

So many trips, memories, friends made, achievements accomplished, and here we are with a new slate. Well, 2 days into a new slate.

I spent the remainder of the new year with my family in Las Vegas. While it is not the quietest place in the world, the crowds and the buzz of the city gave me energy to think and to keep going. I had the opportunity to see the Grand Canyon in Arizona. Climbing up a steep rock face to overlook everything was breathtaking, and it made me realize something really sobering:

Everyday, we get older. And every year, we get even older.

Now, I am not saying this to be cynical, to rain on your parade, or to point out the ever obvious truth because I just realized it, but because this truth that hangs above me is a constant reminder that life goes on, despite what went on that day, that month, or that year.

Life, fortunately or unfortunately, does not come with a remote that enables us to pause life when we screw up, rewind if we want to fix something or fast-forward suffering and adversity to better days. Life does not pause when we hit a rough patch and resume when the worst of it is over. Life continues to flow fluidly, day in and day out, with the good and the bad.

The Grand Canyon has undergone thousands of years of change to become what it is today, and even now it continues to change. We only have so many years to become who we are. We only have a select number of years to change with the experiences that we have had over the years to mold us into the person we ought to be.

Photo creds to my mom! Grand Canyon ponderings

Every year, people talk about new year's resolutions. We all make them and try to keep them. The reality is that sometimes, life gets in the way of keeping them. Temptation rises to prevent us from that goal of snacking once a day as opposed to three. New television series keep us glued to the TV instead of getting outside. Continued advancement of social media affects how we communicate with one another, and even with our loved ones.

This is why this year, I have no grand and sweeping resolutions that I cannot keep. I know for a fact that every year, I come up with something great (or, it sounds great) in January and by April, I have no idea what that resolution is.

Instead, this year I have a simple plan. The plan contains a single part, and that is what I need to do.

If a resolution means "a firm determination to do something", then here is what I firmly am determined to do:
- Practice piano every day for at least 45 minutes
- Exercise 3 times a week
- Pray every morning
- Spend less time on social media and more time studying or with friends/family
- Work every day to be a better person

All of these resolutions are set in place to help me achieve bigger plans, all of which I hope to accomplish within the course of this year. I challenge everyone to have SMART resolutions - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time based.

Look within yourself and see what you need to change in order to become a better version of yourself. With this change comes great responsibility, but after this comes the satisfaction of getting better and better every day.

So, what are your new year's plans?

To end off, I saw something cool on Tumblr last night as I was unpacking. And yes, I can multitask:

(Source: http://these-times-shall-pass.tumblr.com/post/106767379035)

So this year, aim high and aim for great things. Settle for nothing less than your best, and never be content with mediocrity. You are worth more than that!

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared us in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10

I wish everyone the happiest of new year's, despite this greeting being two days late. May your goals be achievable and your happiness great! Keep spilling ink while you do so!

x R 

an open letter - to the ones that have no clue

There are a number of things to think about on daily basis, regardless of what stage of life you are in (though granted, the young ones have less to think about). I miss the days where there is nothing to think about. There is nothing to worry about. You just live, and that is all you can do. Good times, rough times, you just roll with it.

People ask you innocent questions, you give them innocent answers. The most frequently asked question in any person's life? What are you going to be when you grow up?

As I got older, the question was worded and rephrased - what are you going to be when you grow up? What do you want to do when you are out of school? What are you going to do with your life? As I got older, my answers changed. I remember thinking that I wanted to be a princess, but elementary school taught me that unfortunately, that probably will not happen. The dreams and professions changed - a singer. An actress. A famous pianist. A lawyer. A politician. A teacher. A counselor. A journalist. An author.The list is endless and the choices keep changing with the times.

And 18 years later, I still have no clue. 

But something I learned recently is to embrace the unknown, the questions, the journey. Many of my peers are in the same boat as I am, and I learned from many people that are wiser than I am that there are more choices now than ever, and that my decisions do not necessarily need to be made now.

So an open letter, mostly to myself, but also to the ones that have no clue (like myself):

To all those going through high school, who are not really afraid of the future but are just realizing now how quickly time is passing:

You are so right, time is flying. And it is flying fast. One moment your biggest problem is trying to get that kid to notice you, and now you are dealing with other things, other big things. And maybe you are still struggling to get this kid to notice you. Remember that time is valuable, and that the time spent in such a confined space (aka high school) is a fantastic time to build up strong, solid relationships. This means taking care of the ones that really care for you. Listening to those who are there for you and holding on to the ones that are ready to listen to you. It means cutting loose all negativity and those that cut you down instead of building you up. Build up yourself while building up those around you. Together, you thrive. You do not need to go at it alone.

To all those ready to make the jump into the void (aka university):

Remember the question, "what are you going to do with your life?" How many times have you been asked that this year - what university are you going to? What are you going to study? What do you want to get into? 

It is an overwhelming time, especially if you have no clue. But remember that having a response to these questions now is only temporary. You will grow; thus, you will change. And change is a good thing: it means that you are being exposed to new things, learning new lessons and becoming a better person every single day. So keep an open mind, and remember that your values will change. Who you are now does not necessarily define who you will be. But do not despair, because this change is normal. This change is necessary.

And if you do not have an answer just yet and have no clue? That is okay too. No one says that by the time you walk into your first university lecture that you have to have your life figured out up until you graduate. While it can be done, it is almost impossible. So do not let that stress you out - figure out your likes and your dislikes. Find your passion, but look for practicality in that passion. You still have time to figure out what you want to do, and in the end, the many people that ask you those questions will not be figuring out the answer for you. Take the time to look into yourself and figure out what you want out of life; after all, you are the one living it.

To all those who are in the void and are worried about what is to come (aka life): 

It is time to take matters into our own hands. Take hold of a direction and look for a solution. There are so many possibilities, but remember that even after you get your degree and are ready to take on the world, change can happen. That does not mean to hide under a rock and try to guess what the world will be like in 20 years, but to have hope and faith. Have hope in what you are doing with your life and have faith in your ability. You made it this far, and you can definitely go the distance and make yourself (and all those who ever asked you the dreaded question) proud.

Personally I have already had many changes in my life's master plan. There are so many opportunities, so many directions, so many choices. And even with all of this selection, I still have no idea what to do with my life. 

As it sits right now, I am at the end of my first semester, afraid for exams but knowing that better things (and, spoiler alert, more exams await me). But there is so much ahead of me, and for all of us. I write this listening to smooth voices of male singer/songwriters and sipping strawberry-lemonade tea, with some sort of inkling as to what I am going to do with my life.

To the ones that have no clue - have faith, for bigger and better things await you.

"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." - Proverbs 16:3

 So best of luck to everyone writing exams and filling out university applications and everyone's projects and tests. The best is yet to come - keep spilling more ink!

x R

I Don't Need A Man (Yet)

Last week I began working as a volunteer at Newton Elementary school as part of a pilot program called Racing Readers. Racing Readers is a partnership between Simon Fraser University, the TD Community Engagement Center and the City of Surrey School District. It was my goal at the beginning of my university career to become more engaged in my community, and this program has answered my prayers.

Along with other volunteers, I have the opportunity to work once a week with children in grades 3-5 doing physical activity like circuit training, running and games (hence "racing") and literacy activities such as reading and journal writing (hence "readers"). Even though I am two weeks in, I am so humbled to work in this position as a volunteer with other students who want to help these kids.

The cool thing about kids is how open they are. Yesterday during my second session, some of the girls that I had spent time with the previous week spent more time with me. One of the girls, who is 8 years old I believe, asked me the following question:

"Do you have a husband?"

I laughed and I said no, I am not that old. She then laughed too and then asked another question.

"Do you have a boyfriend? I really want a boyfriend. One that will buy me all the toys that my mom won't buy for me."

I laughed at this, but inside of me I was surprised and shocked. Not at the fact that her mom would not buy her toys (the nerve of that mother!), but at the fact that she wanted a boyfriend at such a young age.

Her friends nodded their heads in agreement. One of them piped in to talk about her older sister's boyfriend and how much fun they had together.

"I think I'd have way more fun with a boyfriend."

This really shocked me. These girls, if I may remind you, are 8-9 years old. This was an alarming thing to hear, and yet, not so alarming at the same time.

The "I want a boyfriend" phenomenon has seemed to take off in young girls, but even girls my age hum and haw over finding their one true love. "Forever alone" has become a lamentation. "One true pairing" is the goal. And don't forget the relationship goals of making breakfast with, snuggling with, stargazing with, or exploring with your significant other.

(http://txmblevibes.tumblr.com/)

I suppose I would be foolish to say that at one point I did not have this yearning for a boyfriend, or even that from time to time I feel a pang of wistfulness and hope for the one to come along.

But I want to share something.

You do not need to keep searching. You do not need to constantly put yourself out there. You do not need a man (or woman)... yet.

Personally the past few months have been busy, crazy and filled to the brim. There was no time to think, only time to do. There was limited time to spend with friends, which made me sad. On top of that, there was definitely no time for boys.

Yes, there would be the occasional looker in lecture that made me swoon. But I told myself that I was not going to be actively looking. I would wait until it was my turn, and when that turn comes, I will know.

I guess you can say that after a couple disappointments and life lessons, I decided to hold out on the dream of finding my one true pair. I decided to focus on my studies, deepening my faith through Catholic Christian Outreach, making new friends and connections, deepening my relationship with my family and above all, finding out where my life will eventually lead.

At the end of the day, I found that there was no time to even think about boys or how to impress this one or that one. And in the long run over this term, I found myself happier. Not because I think boys are unnecessary, but because I was not expecting to fall in love with someone and not beating myself up because of it.

I am not saying that I am confident that someone will come along. I feel that there has to be the right balance of waiting and pursuing, but only when I am ready. Like what I told the girls at Racing Readers, "Not every boy will be a Prince Charming. But when the right one comes, he will be your Prince Charming. Until then, love yourself and love your friends and family - they are the ones that will get through the good times and the bad times even before your future boyfriend comes along."

Furthermore, I want this person to love God just as much as they love me. I am willing to get my life together and figure out who I am before I jump into anything long term with the end result being wedding bells.

Ironically, the new Taylor Swift song "Blank Space" has resonated deeply within me ever since I listened to it for the first time last week. "So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames", she says. This has never articulated teen love so realistically, especially with so many young relationships ending with friendships being broken. No one deserves to have friendships broken or have them go down in flames - I am willing to wait for my forever, the forever that everyone deserves.

I can't believe that the semester is already over! Here is to new experiences, new lessons, new friends and love for all, and spill ink while you do.

x R

The Opera That was Too Close for Comfort

It has been a while since I have posted, and this time I promise that it will be more than pointless this time.

I guess just to catch up, it's been a hectic ride, trying to pull up my socks and get into the swing of the academic expectations of university life. I had never written a five page paper before, but I do suppose there is a first time for everything. Thus, I do apologize for the long hiatus. In light of my recent success of finishing more of my research paper than I had anticipated, I decided to reward myself but doing some non-academic, free writing here on my beloved blog.

This had been on my mind for an entire week, and what better way to share my experience than right here. Because I had a week I (somewhat) formulated my thoughts and my feelings, so here goes nothing:

Exactly one week ago, I went to my first opera ever, Stickboy, with my music history class and teacher. Though Stickboy did not meet traditional opera standards (huge orchestra, foreign languages, crazy elaborate sets, etc.), I was so glad that this was my first opera. For one thing, I could understand the singers because they sang in English. The other thing was that I could relate to the content all too well.

Stickboy is based on a book by spoken word artist Shane Koyczan, who was a feature performer at the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games closing ceremony. As a lover of slam poetry, this was one of my earliest glimpses into such an art that really drove my curiosity and passion for it. Stickboy is raw and uncomfortably auto-biographical, following the life of the main character "The Boy" and his journey through elementary and high school. The Boy was bullied relentlessly no matter where he went, and teachers at the various schools would do nothing to help him, and even blame him for provoking the bullies. The only ray of light in the Boy's life was his grandmother. She raised him and took care of him, listened when he needed someone to talk to and provided a crying shoulder.

Without ruining the plot of the story, the opera closes with a bittersweet ending. There really is no resolution to the Boy's bullying problem except through default - he graduates and is able to move on. He survived the jungle of torment and the desert of pain, but despite all this and his attempt at change, he never is fully accepted by his peers.

With libretto by Koyczan, music composed for a small chamber orchestra by Neil Weisenel, and powerful on-screen animations and projections by Giant Ant Productions, Stickboy touched audience members of all ages and brought many young people into opera theatres. The elderly lady beside me did not have a dry eye from the moment the Boy (played by British Columbian tenor Sunny Shams) opened his mouth. The man beside her, a man in a sharp suit around the age 45, even started crying when the Boy and his grandmother sang a moving duet - a duet with no words, just mere humming.

One of the reasons that I was so emotionally tied up in this opera was the issues that arose surrounding it. Unfortunately Stickboy is not just representative of Shane Koyczan's childhood but also that of many children and teenagers all over Canada and the States. The problem is that bullying is still happening, whether we are aware of it or not.

For me (and this is definitely a spoiler alert, so I apologize), the most profound and touching scene was a scary one. As a teenager, the Boy begins to fall into a depression and begins cutting. The 'cutting' scene is hypnotically orchestrated, looping for a total of nearly 6 minutes to portray his daily anger, sadness and ultimately his despair. Resorting to a blunt box knife, he cuts and cuts until the bleeding does not stop. This hit me like a ton of bricks.

In previous posts I have touched on my own experience with bullying and depression. For some magical reason that I am blessed with, God made blood my demise. I went through depression but was all too scared to cut. However, I could relate to hitting every piece of furniture with my fists and spending night after night screaming and conjuring ways to die. Watching this scene after nearly two years of recovery transported me back to those days, days that I am sad that I went through but thankful that I got through.

I admire Shane Koyczan. Having to live through your life over and over throughout rehearsals is a brave thing to do. The most admirable quality is that not only was he able to make it through one of the most difficult times of his life, but he turned around and made it an important thing to share with the rest of the world. Stickboy is something that everyone should see, whether or not you have experienced bullying.

I was so pleased to hear that a condensed version for one singer and a four piece ensemble would begin travelling all over Canada beginning next year, bringing Stickboy to elementary and high schools. Though the impact would be slightly different, it is my hope that all children and teenagers (and parents) see Stickboy should the opportunity ever arise.

(Photo by Tim Matheson)

The catchphrase for Stickboy is "There's a bully in all of us". I hope that as time goes on, bullying will be erased and eliminated in our schools, and that the bully inside us does not ever have any possibility of manifesting itself in our lives.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6 

So let us strive to put the bully inside of us away for good in our society. Love one another for who they are and build one another up, and continue to spill ink while you do. Happy weekend, everyone. Hopefully I will be back soon :)

x R

Seemingly Pointless Post at 9PM

I realize now the sheer volume of tasks at hand. The choices that I have are many, the opportunities are vast, and yet my time is little.

It felt like just yesterday when I was walking into a university lecture hall for the first time, thinking about my uneasiness and how it was going to be difficult to start from scratch again. Familiar faces were missing from this environment of "school" that I had been so used to all my life.

As I moved through the motions, this new place became my new home. Peoples' faces began to solidify in my memory, and to my happiness, they remembered me too. The work load took me by surprise, and the expectation has jumped up suddenly. I always knew that one day, I would have to be responsible for my own learning and future, I just did not expect it to hit me so quickly.

I am not sure what the point of the post is, to be honest with you. I am currently swamped in between a two research papers, a creative assignment and (yet another) Stats midterm. I feel like my past life in high school was too easy, for lack of a better word. During the time that I went through the tasks at hand, it was a big deal. What once was a big deal has now become something in my periphery and now I am taking new tasks head on.

I found this new stride, this new happiness, that I did not find in high school. I used to think that high school was my prime, the only time in my life when I would be happy. As graduation came, I was scared to leave despite the bravado that I had when I found out that I would be going to SFU.

So I suppose I found my point;

What's happening right now, it will pass.

You are stronger than you think.

You can overcome every mountain, every storm, every enemy.

Never strive for less than what you deserve, which is happiness.

Keep on fighting, never stop believing.

I wish I had someone whispering these mantras in my ear when I was going through seemingly tough issues when I was in high school. At the same time, I am thankful for the suffering and the obstacles that had appeared in my path.

You learn so much through suffering, through pain, through sorrow. Remember that God is always with you through it all. It is through the suffering that God asks us to pray, to discern. He will never leave you. Never forget what you went through, and remember that it does get better.

"God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights."

- Habakkuk 3:17

So keep holding on (thanks Avril), never stop fighting and always keep believing. And spill ink while you do. I promise that future posts will have more purpose :) Midterms are still happening, so... soon. In the mean time, check out the Student Life Network blog for some posts of mine!

x R 

 

It Makes No Cents - Generation Disrespect

Today was a good day. My midterm is out of the way and finally done and over with, and to my pleasant surprise it was not that bad. That, however, is not the focus for the post.

It is what happened after, on my way home.

I was walking home after what you would call a good day at school. I was happy and in high spirits. As I was walking, minding my own business, two Caucasian boys, about 12 or 13 I think, approached me on their bikes. One of them, the older one presumably, proceeded to ask me:

"Hey, can you give me a dollar fifty?"

Now this totally took me by surprise. First of all, I had no idea who these guys were, and they had no idea who I was. Typically strangers do not ask strangers for money, much less without any form of politeness or respect... but I digress.

I then proceeded to shake my head and politely say, "Sorry, I used it on the bus."

After that, with no warning or anything, they take off on their bikes. No thanks, no nothing. Just words of hate: "Oooh, the stupid Chinese girl used a dollar fifty on the bus!"

Okay, rude.

A couple things:
1. Asking strangers for money... questionable.
2. I did not withhold money from them because they were a) white b) just kids or that c) I was greedy. I will tell you here that I have a U-Pass, therefore, I have no need to use change on the bus. But the way that these two were insincere from the moment they opened their mouths, I decided that they were not going to get my one fifty.
3. Hello, unnecessary racial slurs.
4. WHERE IS THEIR RESPECT?!

Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have witnessed or personally experienced young kids who are rude. My dad told us about one time how he was approached by two young girls, perhaps about the same age as the boys above, and without any acknowledgement or antagonizing (which my dad had no interest or time for anyhow), came up to him and began making inappropriate faces at him. For no good reason at all.

So what is my point?

This, my friends, is my biggest pet peeve of all time. I am ashamed to be part of a generation where people can be so rude, so disrespectful, and so ignorant to not just strangers, but their own family and friends as well.

Going back to the boys, the unnecessary use of racial slurs baffled me to know end and put me in great disbelief. What era are we in? I do not accept racial terms of any kind. It is disgusting that some people would think of themselves as higher than other races because of their skin colour. But the fact that we, in 2014, have come so far in achieving equality for peoples of all skin colours and STILL have people being racist and ignorant is unbelievable. The fact that these kids are using racial slurs is uncalled for.

In my mind, children of today should be more tolerant as they were the ones that grew up with ethnic diversity way more so than their grandparents. But the truth is, I hear racial slurs all too often. Just last week, more young kids used the term "old black bastard" under their breath when they were gently reminded by this African American gentleman to free up their spot on the bus for an elderly woman. Not to mention the conversation I overheard, again on a bus, between two young girls that were discussing why she would not date a guy in her grade because he was not white.

Now I recognize that after all this, you may be thinking that I myself am being racist, because it seems that the common thread throughout these incidents may be that all these disrespectful kids are white. I would like to tell you that not all white kids are bad, just the way that not all kids of other skin colours are not innocent. In the end, it comes down to how children were brought up and their family dynamic.

The sad reality is that more and more children are becoming more ignorant and more disrespectful, which is why I get so frustrated and am so ashamed for the way that they act around strangers. I remember as a young girl getting disciplined openly for being disrespectful to anyone. Nowadays, I do not even think twice about the way that I should act. Everyone, especially those that are older than I am, deserves MY respect, whether they are white or black, Asian or Hispanic, it does not matter. We are all the same. We are all equal. We do not succeed without one another.

To conclude, though I was rattled by this incident (and I realize that my biggest fault is getting rattled too easily and holding grudges), I take this as a reminder that I should respect everyone, even if they are not nice to me. I hope that you, too, will take this as a reminder as well.

(http://autisticsspeakingday.blogspot.ca/)

"Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king." - 1 Peter 2:17 (New American Standard Bible)

So give everyone the respect they deserve! Live righteously and remember to do unto others what you would like them to do to you, and spill ink while you do so.

x R 

What is Love (At First Sight)?

So after nearly two and a half weeks of searching, reading and interviewing, I am happy to say that my research is complete! This is what happened:

I asked 3 males and 3 females from the ages of 13-21 to help me answer a simple question and give their two sense on why they chose the answer that they did. Before I get into what the question is, let me paint the scenario on how this came to be.

I started asking for interviewees right around the time that I heard this conversation. It was at Chapters, and I was looking for another poetry book. As I scoured the shelves trying to find this book, I heard giggling. It was loud and shrill, and though this was not a library, I could feel all eyes on these two teenage girls. With teenage girls, I have to say they were maybe 15, but of course it is so difficult to tell these days.

They each were holding a copy of John Green's The Fault in Our Stars and laughing madly. When their laughter subsided, one of them whispered, "What would it like to have a guy fall in love with you, knowing that you were the one for him? And he didn't need to look for anyone else. All he needed was to convince you that you were the one for him."

That touched me, just a little bit.

I grew up with the age of Disney princesses meeting their one true love, usually some guy with a good head of hair on a horse. They did not know it then, but by the end of the movie we all knew that Cinderella and the guy with the awesome shoulder pads were going to get married. In contrast, many chick flicks usually revolve around two people that maybe first hate each other, then eventually grow to love each other.

So which is the norm, and which is just pure fantasy?

This brings me to the simple question I wanted to ask all my interviewees:

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

I asked all my interviewees to answer with yes or no, and then to substantiate further. Of course, there is no right or wrong answer. Some were quick to answer, while some pored for hours and hours. The verdict? 81% of the people do not believe in love at first sight, and here are some of the reasons why:

"Love at first sight is basically what it is; it's what you see" (F/14)

"There is such thing as infatuation at first sight, but I can't believe that people could fall in love with someone that they barely know" (M/16)

"People are difficult to figure out - you can never tell a person entirely at just a glimpse" (M/17)

"You need to be able to feel love and grow with it. It requires patience" (F/18)

"In 0.5 seconds, you can't know a person's past, baggage or life story" (M/19)

"First impressions can be really different from reality" (F/21)

While the majority voted against the possibility of love at first sight happening at all, there were some hopefuls: the rest of the interviewees (19%) believed that it was possible to fall for someone that they just met.

"When someone catches your attention, the feeling is hard to explain. You want to go after that person because you never know when you will see them again" (M/13)

"Try to make it work. First person, first impression" (M/15)

"There have been many people in my life that have experienced it, and I am willing to believe that it could happen to me" (F/16)

"Love at first sight happens on eye contact. We would both know it right away" (F/17)

"Blame it on romantic movies" (M/20)

It was interesting to see what people had to say and how that correlated to their age and gender. Going into this, I had a bias that males would definitely be against this whole idea of love at first sight. However, 25% of the boys believed that it was possible, while just 13% of girls believed that it was possible. Generally, most of those that said 'yes' were on the younger side, though there were a few exceptions.

While I was interviewing a 13 year old girl, we had a deep conversation about books and TV shows and movies. She was all for love at first sight, determined to find that one "movie moment" where she would meet the guy of her dreams. She thought about this in silence for a bit, and then turned the tables on me. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Though I had this question bouncing around in my mind, I never took the time to answer it internally. I thought and thought. I told her that eventually, I would get back to her. Today, I will get back to her:

For me, I am not entirely sure. Even in the movies, the people that eventually fall in love do not love each other at first sight. As mentioned above, they probably get annoyed with each other. Examples I can use are the main characters in "Letters to Juliet" or "27 Dresses". Even Hazel Grace did not feel Augustus Waters right away, even though he knew in his heart that she was the one.

Is it possible? Maybe. There are plenty of stories out there that suggest that love at first sight is possible, and I have talked to many people whose parents, grandparents or other relatives have met "the One" and stuck with them ever since. My personal experience with what people identify as "that slow motion moment" is plenty. I have met several guys that I have crushed on and eventually became just friends with, and others that I have eventually dated and still others that have later proven that they are nothing like what I thought they would be like. And of course, there are many that I will forever have undying feelings for, like Jimmy Fallon.

So back to those girls at Chapters. While the one girl was fantasizing of how she would meet the one person she would spend the rest of her life with, her friend asked her if she believed in love at first sight. She said yes and returned the question. "I'll believe it when I see it."

And maybe, that's all you really can do.

The Bible tells us that "love is patient [and] love is kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4). 27 Dresses taught me that:

(Source)

The journey of love, and I am beginning to learn, is more than just good looks and first impressions. It is how you grow with the person and how you learn to love them in return that makes it worthwhile and exciting. You learn so much from these experiences and gain new insight. And even though you may lose your mind once or twice, what is important is how you pick yourself up and get back onto both feet.

So love the ones you are with! Love the person in front of you, behind you and beside you and enjoy the moments you make. There is only one week of summer left (boo!), so make the most of it and spill more ink while you do.

--------
Thank you to all who let me steal a bit of their time so that I could talk to them for this article. I am truly blessed to have gained new insight from so many different people. x

Mom, Leave Me Alone!

I apologize for not posting in a while! It has been a stressful time, but I am happy to say that my piano exams are done and out of the way! The dream of achieving my Associate Degree with the Royal Conservatory of Music is a little bit closer now!

As a seasoned exam taker, the rules and protocol of the exams are nothing new to me. I am now a teenager, able to enter the exam room myself and do everything on my own. I go, I write, and I leave.

Yesterday, as I arrived to write my final exam, I waited patiently for sign in to begin. I said my prayers and read over my book. I found that I could not concentrate on either, as I was greeted by the loud noise of arguing. The arguing was getting closer and closer.

The arguing between this young Chinese boy, who was about 14 or 15, and his mother was hushed but intense. My Mandarin is terrible, but I could make out a couple words during their exchanged. Mostly, I was drawing from the frustration on both of their faces.

Finally, the boy lashed out in clear English:

"Mom, leave me alone! I'm old enough to do this myself. I don't need you."

This took me aback. As they continued to argue, sign in had begun. I had to shake off this experience and focus on my exam.

Now, me being 18, I obviously do not know anything about being a parent. I do, however, know everything about being a teenager. I know that teenagers want to be independent. They want to stand on their own two feet and usually are not too worried about consequences. We all live by similar mantras: "Ride or die"; "Carpe diem"; "Young, wild and free"; and of course, "You only live once".

But even as a teenager, I know that I would be nowhere without my parents. Granted, there are times where I wished that I would have more freedom than I have, but I realize that freedom is something that needs to be earned.

FREEDOM goes hand in hand with TRUST. 

The above situation may be a classic example of "helicopter parenting", which I must admit seems to very popular among Chinese families. Does the boy's mother not trust him enough, or is she just being overprotective? Is she being overprotective because he is worried that something could happen once she turns around? Or is that her way of showing that she loves him?

When does "love" become too overbearing?

I understand that the amount of freedom that I have goes hand in hand with the trust that I have built up between myself and my parents. What matters is not the quantity of freedom but what we choose to do within it. "Spreading my wings" to me does not include hard drinking and partying, and I hope my parents know that too.

Young ones, remember that the person you are is because of your parents. Parents, remember that you are allowed to let us fly once in a while. We get that we have major responsibilities in the world.  We want you to know that our goals in life is never to disappoint you or fail you. If anything, we want to make you proud.

Unfortunately I was not able to find out how the saga ends between the Chinese son and his mom, but I hope that they can strike a balance between themselves.

 

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." - Colossians 3:20

 So show your parents that love! Hang out with them, tell them that you love them, and spill ink while you do.