Just a Little Selfish, Not Lonely

It was really unexpected. All I wanted to do was play badminton after a long stretch (3 weeks) without it, and I was not doing very well.

My usual doubles partner, who has a boyfriend, decided to stay back during badminton time, so I went alone and played with the others. It was then that other people asked where my partner was, so I explained to them that she was talking to her boyfriend.

Then my temporary partner asked me, "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

To her surprise, I replied no. She then asked if I was lonely, to which I replied, not really.

But the truth is, yesterday I was doing some filing when Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" came on. And it made me feel a certain way.

As in, am I lonely? Am I missing something? Is there something wrong with me?

The reality is, I don't need a man, yet. I need time to find myself and what I want in a relationship. I need to be a little selfish, especially now, in order to figure out "me". How can I love someone fully when I don't know how to properly love myself and my family and friends, and God?

The last "relationship" that I was in was more than a year ago. The healing process that came post-breakup up until recently was filled with a lot of girl power, hanging out with friends, me time and pushing boys to the back burner. As the hurt from the breakup subsided, I started to have a clearer view of the world around me, of boys that I encountered, and clearer expectations for myself and future relationships.

(giphy.com)

At one point, I suppose you could say that I was ready. During this readiness, I met a wonderful guy. Having gone a couple dates with him, I thought that he was the one for me. But God had other plans and it seemed that slowly, the label that I placed on him - "the one" - slowly began to fade away.

Now I'm back to square one with no real prospects.

Returning back to badminton, the question of whether or not I am "lonely" because I'm not dating anyone really stuck with me.  True, I may be slightly over-analytical, but it definitely is something that I think about often.

The truth is, I do envy those who are in long term, committed relationships. It is something that I wish for, but do not obsess over. While it would be nice to have someone to talk to on a regular basis or act as a go to person for hanging out, I am still happy with who I am and where I am in my life. Maybe at this point, I think I'm ready but I'm not actually ready.

Taking the time to be alone and figuring out who I am and what I want is important.  I am having the time of life just by hanging out with friends, pursuing my dreams and taking time for myself. I'm reminding myself that it's okay to be selfish sometimes - especially where self-care is involved.

So being single is not a bad thing. I'm ready to take my time, find my own path and grow before I can commit to anything.

"Remember, the time you feel lonely is the time you need most to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony."
- Douglas Coupland

x R

Are YOU "All About That Bass"?

I am sure that by now, everyone has heard this song by now at least once. Much to the dismay of myself, I will be linking it at the very end of this post so that you can listen to it, dance to it, do what you will with it...

I am going to be very frank, in the nicest way possible: the song "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor is not my cup of tea. Putting it bluntly, the song will not be on my playlist any time soon, even if it is a body peace playlist.

Now, I must commend Trainor for going against the social norm and coming up with a song to celebrate body shapes of all sizes. "Every inch of you is perfect / From the bottom to the top". However, I never really had the patience to actually listen to the song, maybe in part because I could not get past the music that the song opened with. 

However, the other day I did take the time to listen to the song. With it being so popular, I had the privilege to listen to it all the way through more than once. Now typically, I need to listen to a song a few times before I can get most of the lyrics in my brain and be able to sing along. With "All About That Bass", just one listen all the way through gave me all I needed to hear.

Before we proceed, I must reassure you that in no means do I disagree with body peace and loving yourself, regardless of shape or size. I just do not agree with how Trainor gets her message across.

Take it from me, a girl who has struggled with her own body weight. As a girl, I suppose I am more susceptible to insecurity, especially about my appearance. My body has once been described as an ideal shape, but being insecure, I did not agree. It took me many years until I finally was able to accept beauty as being unique. There is no set formula for beauty - it is what YOU make out of it.

Listening to  Trainor's song made me extremely uncomfortable. I agree, that "Photoshop shit ain't real" and we are being brainwashed by the media to think that these bodies are necessary to attain. And speaking for other boys, saying that curvy girls are better? No no. All girls are equal. Skinny is not superior to curvy, and curvy is not superior to skinny. The REAL message here is that you should never change yourself for a guy (or vice versa, change yourself for a girl).

The biggest problem I have with the song is the second verse. "Skinny bitches"? Really Meghan? It almost seems like she is apologizing for her vulgar statement with the line "No I'm just playing". In a society where vulgar language is interjected in between every other word in our sentences, I find this usage (or any usage in any song, for that matter), highly unnecessary. And calling those "skinny bitches" "stick figure, silicone, Barbie doll" is drawing extreme stereotypes. There are some girls that are naturally built that way, and that is fine - that is STILL beautiful. 

Some people might be thinking that I feel this way because I am considerably "skinnier" and that I have no idea what these people might feel. I assure you, by my own definition of skinny, I am far from it. However, recently I have learned that if I stop comparing myself to other people (and especially those on magazine pages), I will feel much happier.

And so far, I am succeeding.

A few months ago, I watched a TED Talk by Lizzie Velasquez. She is a motivational speaker and was able to fulfill her dreams of being an author. She suffers from a very rare condition where she is unable to gain weight. Having never weighed over 64 pounds a day in her life earned her the title of the "World's Ugliest Woman". But I disagree. Her hardship is an inspiration to all, and she continued to fight for herself, successfully graduating from the University of Texas and has shared her message with people all over the world. Velasquez is the epitome of skinny, but in her own way, she is beautiful, inside and out.

(http://centreo.hk/wp/?tag=ted-talk) 

So tell me, Meghan Trainor - is Lizzie beautiful?

Every inch of you is beautiful from the bottom to the top. You do not need Meghan Trainor to tell you that. You know it, but deep down, we all strive for something more. We never feel like we are good enough. But I assure you, you are. You are more than enough.

I have a cut out from a magazine that I stuck on my closet. Every morning when I wake up, I see it, and it says,

"Have you thanked your body recently for all it does for you?"

Thank your body for what it does for you. Remember that size and shape does not matter. So take care of yourself, live your life for you and spill ink while you do so.

By the way, I found the music video to be a bit disturbing. So I will just link an audio and I won't subject you guys to that.

x R

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Thanks to everyone for reading! For more body peace and self-acceptance posts, check these out:

"Perfection"

"40 Days of No Makeup"

"God Spoke to Me"