"Your Manliness Turns Me Off"

A journey on Transit taught me so much.

I met a friend for lunch yesterday and then proceeded to run some errands and take a Transit journey to answer the question, "Can you get off the Millenium Line at Commercial-Broadway and walk over a bridge to get to the Expo Line? Because I see a little bridge thing on the map?..."

The answer is yes, by the way.

But taking this extra journey from Burnaby Mountain out to Commercial-Broadway gave me an opportunity to encounter three young men, also coming down from SFU.

I am going to leave it here by saying that they were each of different race and that I was not quite sure how old they were. After I got on the bus, these three young men walked on after me, really loud and obnoxiously and made their way over to the section I was sitting in. Sitting a couple rows away from me, they proceeded to talk about girls. Seemed normal enough, but their discussion was so loud that I could not help but tuning in, even with headphones in.

-"That girl at Saywell Hall was so skinny, but her rack was incredible."

-"Yeah, but did you see her thighs? Gross."

-"What do you care? You wouldn't have any guts to tell her to her face that her rack was incredible."

At this point I should mention that 1) I was furiously taking notes on my phone and 2) I was furiously seething at the fact that these guys had such a tasteless conversation all the way down the to the Skytrain. And just when I thought that I could escape from them, they followed the flurry of people onto the Skytrain, and got onto the same one that I did.

They got in the same car as me, and close to the door there was a girl, about my age or so, who was extremely beautiful. She was also very blessed in ways that would make other girls envious, and this caught the attention of the boys that sat across from her on the other side of the door, in front of me. Throughout their conversation of lewd comments and more objectification, two of them spent the better part of 10 minutes trying to get the other guy to go up to her and chat her up.

-"Talk about her eyes or rack or something. Yeah, her rack. Just do it, for us."

Whether he actually liked her or not, he finally went up at one stop and sat next to her. Since all three of them had not learned volume control since the bus down from SFU, it was evident that everyone sitting around them could hear him, and became uncomfortable.

-"Hey girl. You have pretty eyes and a smokin' rack. What's you're name and where are you going?"

The girl was clearly disgusted, but kept her composure. She turned to him and said, "I heard everything you were saying with your friends over there. Your manliness turns me off." She then got off and walked out of the train, leaving the other guy there. I watched as she walked to a Transit security guard, watching to see if any of the guys had gotten up and followed her.

This stunned the guy, stunned the two others, and made me want to give that girl a standing ovation.

The point I bring with this is not to condemn guys that talk about girls, because I know for a fact that girls seem to be a very popular topic among males. What I am saying is that sometimes, what guys think are "manly" may not really be so "manly" after all; in fact, it might undermine you as opposed to bringing you up.

Seeing all this unfold in front of me reminded me of a video that a classmate shared on Facebook. Youtube star Sam Pepper made a video of a prank that he played on girls and women, which involved him using a fake third hand in a "ass-pinch" prank. This disgusted me beyond belief - how could he find it enjoyable to make girls feel uncomfortable? While the three guys were in their own little world, they did enter the bus making cat calls at a girl in a dress that was walking by .

(Source: http://twitter.com/tyleroakley)

Take it from a girl when I say that looks are not everything - personality matters too. I can tell you for a fact that those three guys were good looking and well dressed. But the moment they opened their mouths, I was also turned off. Their pretty faces did not save them. And perhaps, I do not matter in their lives, but what if the one comes along and they continue to talk about such things? I can only imagine.

Now, I know that girls are just as guilty as the boys are. We are pros at playing games, gossiping and sometimes being super catty with each other. We objectify guys as well and play up our appearances in hopes to draw guys in.

This girl, who was turned off by the three young men's idea of manliness, stunned the guys for the time being. I can only hope that they will realize that some of the discussion that they had (which, for obvious reasons, I could not share here), is inappropriate.

(Source: http://r-ideout.tumblr.com)

As the new year approaches, I challenge everyone to be a better version of themselves.

Ladies, remember that you are more than the numbers on the scale, the curves on your body and the size of jeans that you wear. You are beautiful, and true beauty comes from what you say and do. Strive for relationships that build you up, instead of tearing you down. Hold out for those that are ready to respect you for all of you.

Gentlemen, remember that you do not need to do much to impress girls. Girls look for guys that make them feel special always, and for guys that will respect them and care for them. Bragging about your "exploits" is a very Illiadic and therefore, a thing of the past. Being respectful goes a long way, and I am sure that it will bring you much more happiness in return.

A new year is coming, everyone. Make it count!

So respect everyone, be the best person you can be, and spill more ink while you do.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

x R

It Makes No Cents - Generation Disrespect

Today was a good day. My midterm is out of the way and finally done and over with, and to my pleasant surprise it was not that bad. That, however, is not the focus for the post.

It is what happened after, on my way home.

I was walking home after what you would call a good day at school. I was happy and in high spirits. As I was walking, minding my own business, two Caucasian boys, about 12 or 13 I think, approached me on their bikes. One of them, the older one presumably, proceeded to ask me:

"Hey, can you give me a dollar fifty?"

Now this totally took me by surprise. First of all, I had no idea who these guys were, and they had no idea who I was. Typically strangers do not ask strangers for money, much less without any form of politeness or respect... but I digress.

I then proceeded to shake my head and politely say, "Sorry, I used it on the bus."

After that, with no warning or anything, they take off on their bikes. No thanks, no nothing. Just words of hate: "Oooh, the stupid Chinese girl used a dollar fifty on the bus!"

Okay, rude.

A couple things:
1. Asking strangers for money... questionable.
2. I did not withhold money from them because they were a) white b) just kids or that c) I was greedy. I will tell you here that I have a U-Pass, therefore, I have no need to use change on the bus. But the way that these two were insincere from the moment they opened their mouths, I decided that they were not going to get my one fifty.
3. Hello, unnecessary racial slurs.
4. WHERE IS THEIR RESPECT?!

Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have witnessed or personally experienced young kids who are rude. My dad told us about one time how he was approached by two young girls, perhaps about the same age as the boys above, and without any acknowledgement or antagonizing (which my dad had no interest or time for anyhow), came up to him and began making inappropriate faces at him. For no good reason at all.

So what is my point?

This, my friends, is my biggest pet peeve of all time. I am ashamed to be part of a generation where people can be so rude, so disrespectful, and so ignorant to not just strangers, but their own family and friends as well.

Going back to the boys, the unnecessary use of racial slurs baffled me to know end and put me in great disbelief. What era are we in? I do not accept racial terms of any kind. It is disgusting that some people would think of themselves as higher than other races because of their skin colour. But the fact that we, in 2014, have come so far in achieving equality for peoples of all skin colours and STILL have people being racist and ignorant is unbelievable. The fact that these kids are using racial slurs is uncalled for.

In my mind, children of today should be more tolerant as they were the ones that grew up with ethnic diversity way more so than their grandparents. But the truth is, I hear racial slurs all too often. Just last week, more young kids used the term "old black bastard" under their breath when they were gently reminded by this African American gentleman to free up their spot on the bus for an elderly woman. Not to mention the conversation I overheard, again on a bus, between two young girls that were discussing why she would not date a guy in her grade because he was not white.

Now I recognize that after all this, you may be thinking that I myself am being racist, because it seems that the common thread throughout these incidents may be that all these disrespectful kids are white. I would like to tell you that not all white kids are bad, just the way that not all kids of other skin colours are not innocent. In the end, it comes down to how children were brought up and their family dynamic.

The sad reality is that more and more children are becoming more ignorant and more disrespectful, which is why I get so frustrated and am so ashamed for the way that they act around strangers. I remember as a young girl getting disciplined openly for being disrespectful to anyone. Nowadays, I do not even think twice about the way that I should act. Everyone, especially those that are older than I am, deserves MY respect, whether they are white or black, Asian or Hispanic, it does not matter. We are all the same. We are all equal. We do not succeed without one another.

To conclude, though I was rattled by this incident (and I realize that my biggest fault is getting rattled too easily and holding grudges), I take this as a reminder that I should respect everyone, even if they are not nice to me. I hope that you, too, will take this as a reminder as well.

(http://autisticsspeakingday.blogspot.ca/)

"Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king." - 1 Peter 2:17 (New American Standard Bible)

So give everyone the respect they deserve! Live righteously and remember to do unto others what you would like them to do to you, and spill ink while you do so.

x R 

Are YOU "All About That Bass"?

I am sure that by now, everyone has heard this song by now at least once. Much to the dismay of myself, I will be linking it at the very end of this post so that you can listen to it, dance to it, do what you will with it...

I am going to be very frank, in the nicest way possible: the song "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor is not my cup of tea. Putting it bluntly, the song will not be on my playlist any time soon, even if it is a body peace playlist.

Now, I must commend Trainor for going against the social norm and coming up with a song to celebrate body shapes of all sizes. "Every inch of you is perfect / From the bottom to the top". However, I never really had the patience to actually listen to the song, maybe in part because I could not get past the music that the song opened with. 

However, the other day I did take the time to listen to the song. With it being so popular, I had the privilege to listen to it all the way through more than once. Now typically, I need to listen to a song a few times before I can get most of the lyrics in my brain and be able to sing along. With "All About That Bass", just one listen all the way through gave me all I needed to hear.

Before we proceed, I must reassure you that in no means do I disagree with body peace and loving yourself, regardless of shape or size. I just do not agree with how Trainor gets her message across.

Take it from me, a girl who has struggled with her own body weight. As a girl, I suppose I am more susceptible to insecurity, especially about my appearance. My body has once been described as an ideal shape, but being insecure, I did not agree. It took me many years until I finally was able to accept beauty as being unique. There is no set formula for beauty - it is what YOU make out of it.

Listening to  Trainor's song made me extremely uncomfortable. I agree, that "Photoshop shit ain't real" and we are being brainwashed by the media to think that these bodies are necessary to attain. And speaking for other boys, saying that curvy girls are better? No no. All girls are equal. Skinny is not superior to curvy, and curvy is not superior to skinny. The REAL message here is that you should never change yourself for a guy (or vice versa, change yourself for a girl).

The biggest problem I have with the song is the second verse. "Skinny bitches"? Really Meghan? It almost seems like she is apologizing for her vulgar statement with the line "No I'm just playing". In a society where vulgar language is interjected in between every other word in our sentences, I find this usage (or any usage in any song, for that matter), highly unnecessary. And calling those "skinny bitches" "stick figure, silicone, Barbie doll" is drawing extreme stereotypes. There are some girls that are naturally built that way, and that is fine - that is STILL beautiful. 

Some people might be thinking that I feel this way because I am considerably "skinnier" and that I have no idea what these people might feel. I assure you, by my own definition of skinny, I am far from it. However, recently I have learned that if I stop comparing myself to other people (and especially those on magazine pages), I will feel much happier.

And so far, I am succeeding.

A few months ago, I watched a TED Talk by Lizzie Velasquez. She is a motivational speaker and was able to fulfill her dreams of being an author. She suffers from a very rare condition where she is unable to gain weight. Having never weighed over 64 pounds a day in her life earned her the title of the "World's Ugliest Woman". But I disagree. Her hardship is an inspiration to all, and she continued to fight for herself, successfully graduating from the University of Texas and has shared her message with people all over the world. Velasquez is the epitome of skinny, but in her own way, she is beautiful, inside and out.

(http://centreo.hk/wp/?tag=ted-talk) 

So tell me, Meghan Trainor - is Lizzie beautiful?

Every inch of you is beautiful from the bottom to the top. You do not need Meghan Trainor to tell you that. You know it, but deep down, we all strive for something more. We never feel like we are good enough. But I assure you, you are. You are more than enough.

I have a cut out from a magazine that I stuck on my closet. Every morning when I wake up, I see it, and it says,

"Have you thanked your body recently for all it does for you?"

Thank your body for what it does for you. Remember that size and shape does not matter. So take care of yourself, live your life for you and spill ink while you do so.

By the way, I found the music video to be a bit disturbing. So I will just link an audio and I won't subject you guys to that.

x R

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Thanks to everyone for reading! For more body peace and self-acceptance posts, check these out:

"Perfection"

"40 Days of No Makeup"

"God Spoke to Me"

A Girl Twice Her Age

12 years old

Have you ever noticed how much older girls are trying to look?

When I was 12 years old, I think that the extent of my knowledge of the human anatomy was really, really limited. I stuck to watching Lizzie McGuire (before Family channel got weird and cancelled on my TV) and thought that the only way to meet cute boys was to sneak out of the house and go to a really dim coffee house to "study".. and for the record, Ethan Craft was not even that cute! I wore clothes from Old Navy and Wal-Mart - "Forever 21" and "H&M" was not in my fashion vocabulary.

But then you look at 12 year old girls now, and the difference is startling. Not just in the TV shows that they watch, or the clothes that they wear, but their massive knowledge of everything, their familiarity with social media, and in general, how much older they look.

The other day I was at Target picking up a box of hair dye. A rule in my house was that I was not allowed to touch my hair with colour until I graduate, and even when I did graduate, it had to be a natural colour. So while my dreams of having dark purple hair was crushed, I was still quite excited to go choose a new colour for my hair.

While I was browsing the aisles, I came across a girl, about 11 or 12 (but as mentioned above, they look way older than they should), throwing a temper tantrum. Her mom was rolling her eyes and trying not to argue, but everyone around could tell that she was upset and wanted her daughter to stop acting childish.

This girl was wearing a crop top that I had seen in Forever 21 and super short, acid wash jean shorts. They are shorts where the pockets hang out from underneath. She had over the knee socks (sheer black, of course) and was wearing a pair of Converse. The most staggering thing about her appearance was her bright red, Ariana Grande trademark hair. She was holding a box of blonde hair dye, and from the looks of her temper tantrum, it looks like Ariana Grande was not turning blonde any time soon.

Despite the fact that this girl had the ability to change her hair way, way before I did, I'm sure she also got a phone before I did (I saw that fall out of her pocket while she threw the tantrum), and on that phone she probably texts boys, Snapchats, tweets and updates her Facebook status. She probably goes to the mall with her friends and Instagrams her Starbucks and takes shameless bathroom selfies...

...All things that admittedly, I have done once or twice at my ripe old age of 18.

But it is quite scary to me, to think that girls today are growing up in this massive mess of a world. Girls are expected to look a certain way, eat certain food and be up and ready to date by 14.

Going back to the Lizzie McGuire example, I am more than certain that Lizzie and her friends were 13 during the show. Was I this boy crazy at 13? Was I allowed to go out to the mall by myself or with my friends? Could I hang out with a boy?

To all the above, the answer is no.

Nowadays, I see girls half my age ordering frappucinos and watching movies like recent release "The Fault in Our Stars". As I walked out of the theater, very young girls (10? 9?) rushed out with their moms, drooling over Augustus Waters and asking their moms where they will find their own Augustus Waters.

Really? 

At 18

It is incorrect to ask if these girls understand the context of the movie and what is happening, because chances are, they do. Due to social media and Internet being so widely used and easily accessed, information can be found everywhere. If (spoiler alert) I saw that scene of Hazel and Gus rushing into the room at 10 years old, I would have thought that they were just having an innocent, co-ed slumber party. But at 18, we all know what is really happening. The unfortunate thing is that girls as young as 10 probably have the same understanding of the scene as I do now, and I am nearly double their age.

Furthermore, if girls have the same knowledge and understanding of something so mature, then that also means that they are vulnerable to more mature thoughts as opposed to carefree thoughts. I started really caring about how I looked when I entered high school, and looking back on old photos, I cringe at how I looked and what I wore. But young girls today are constantly bombarded with lingerie ads with skinny models, and in turn, 13 year-olds try to strive for the unattainable excellence of a Photoshopped body. Girls are starting to develop at younger ages, and more young girls are starting to have depression, anxiety, OCD and anorexia and bulimia.

These girls are aging faster than their time!

It scares me that young girls (my younger sisters included) are learning more and more about the world than they should at certain ages and not fully understanding what it all means. I am worried that my sisters and their friends are too consumed by what society wants then what they want. I am worried that in time to come, "childhood innocence" will cease to exist.

Take care of your daughters and sisters. Expose them to the sunshine and the world beyond the computer screen. Instead of Tumblr sunsets, offer them a real one. Let them know that there is a Prince Charming out there, but you will not find him on Facebook (because that's creepy). Show them that their body is enough, and it is pretty amazing regardless of shape. Remind them that they are loved, regardless of how much they now and what mistakes they have made.

I hope that the solution to this rising pandemic is to unplug and spending quality time with one another. 

So turn off your phones and relax. Talk in person, love the young girls in your life and spill ink while you do.

x R

Confessions of the Bullied

Happy March everyone! :) It has been a really busy and stressful time but I'm pleased to announce that I am going to Simon Fraser University next year! It's all come down to this, finally. Thank you all for bearing with me!

So with this post, I might be just a tad late to the party. On February 26, people across Canada and the world wore pink to rally against bullying on the 7th annual Anti-Bullying day. Earlier this past week, I had read an article in the paper about a 9 year old girl from Nanaimo, BC who was bullied relentlessly because of her weight and physical appearance, forcing her to change schools to escape the bullying. The two events - one going in a positive direction, one not so much - both show that bullying is not a one time thing that can be stopped overnight. While there has been so much growth and progress, we are still so far from where we want to be as a society.

Reading this article made my heart break for this girl. At 9 years old, you shouldn't have to be focused so much on physical appearances. For that matter, no one should be so hung up on their own appearance or how others look. At 9 years old, you are supposed to be happy-go-lucky without a care in the world. Because of the mass amount of bullying, this girl could not experience this, and instead was forced to "grow up fast" (Connie Walker, CBC News). Comments made towards this little girl were unnecessary and so hurtful, that it made me hurt for her as well.

Unfortunately, cases like this are not uncommon. Bullying is still a major issue not just in elementary schools but also in high schools, universities and even in workplaces.

As someone who has been bullied before for various reasons ranging from physical appearance, ethnicity, religion and even the people I hang out with, it has impacted me in a way that changed my life. Obviously, the feeling is not great when you are in the situation, and even in the months and years after, it still affects you. It has been nearly 4 years and yet, the wounds and scars still remain whenever I read about incidents like this.

Bullies have altered my life and have taken my ability to remain care free and replaced it with constant fear. At the present, I realize now that if I continue to live in the way that I used to - filled with constant depression, anxiety and fear - then I have let them win. I have become their victim. Not to belittle my own or anyone else's situation, but we must stay strong. We must stand up for what is right, and that is to prevent other people from going through what this 9 year old did.

This life experienced changed me for the better, even though I could not see so at first. Without them, I would not be the strong person I am today. I would not be able to take on the bigger challenges that life throws at me. I would not be so passionate about the whole issue of bullying without them.

I urge you all to take a stand. Pink shirt day should not just be a one day thing where people just wear pink shirts; rather, it should be every day, even when you are not wearing a pink shirt. I admit, sometimes it is difficult even for me to stand up to people and tell them to stop. I know full well that being a bystander is just as bad as being a bully, because you are choosing to turn a blind eye and let it happen. I hope that, even though no one maybe doing it, remember that it is the right thing to stand up. You could save someone's life.

On that note, I realize that it is worrisome. What if no one backs you up? What if you get made fun of? What if you become the next victim? Maybe you are the one that will prevent this from happening again. Maybe you will be the first person that initiates the right thing, something that others want to do but are too afraid to. Maybe you will be the one that turns the victim's life around and helps the bully to realize the error in their ways.

Bullying is not an issue of people not being able to defend themselves, or not being able to conform to society, or because people are just mean. Bullying is an issue because majority of the time, we just let it happen. Something that seems so difficult to fix actually has a simple answer - we just need to put time and effort into correcting it. As mentioned earlier, it will not change over night, but if we speak up every day, change will come. Change will happen, and it will be change for the better.

I hope that in time to come, bullying will not be an issue anymore. 

Until then, take a stand, speak up, and spill some more ink.

The Numbers Game

So on Monday we got our progress reports out to show us how we're doing, from the beginning of the year until now. It was the same as any other time this occurred in the past couple years: we would leave our last block early, walk to our homerooms with a feeling of hope and dread in our hearts, and then the anticipation of skimming over the numbers, the letters, the comments... it all amounted to this moment.

But Monday was different. Yes, the travelling was the same. The beat of my heart quickened as the paper connected with my hand. Greedily I placed it at a safe distance away from my peers as I skimmed over the letters, the comments...

...And the numbers?

There were no numbers.

The boxes that usually housed our percentages for the time being was uncharacteristically empty, and it left a strange taste in my mouth.

Some teachers explained that these numbers are skewed, and I totally understand that. Since the beginning of the year we have only had a handful of tests and assignments that have been taken in for marks; therefore, it is an unrealistic snapshot of how we are doing academically. Others thought that we should stop being number driven, and every day should be a day to improve.

I agree with all of these, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder about what my "A" or "B" could really be. For all I know, I could have gotten a really high B on the verge of an A, or a really low A that is still counted as just that. The thing is, I will only wonder and I will never actually know.

Does this make us too number driven?

With some university and scholarship applications, we are asked to self report grades, which include putting in final averages. Simon Fraser University has already put out admission averages that they predict students will need in order to "secure" themselves a spot in a  certain faculty for the coming school year. People constantly beat themselves up for not getting the coveted 100% on the top of their paper.

Why are we like that? Why am I like that?

Perfection might be a good reason. We all want to succeed, even if on the surface we have a "I don't really care" attitude. Because in reality, we all do, to some extent. A lot of us really don't know what's going to happen after high school. For that matter, something could happen tomorrow that could drastically change everything that you had originally planned.

In the end, numbers don't really mean a whole lot. They only go so far, but "a good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers" (Plato). Sure, strive for those good grades. Reach for the stars, put off procrastination, and make this year YOUR year. But don't let it be the center of the universe and let it get you down if you don't do as well as you thought. Let it be a reminder that you slipped up once, but next time, well, there won't be a next time.

From now on, let's remember why we are really in school: to become better people for the future, and not to let percentages ruin our lives. I'm going to give it a shot and count on you to do the same!

/okay, I had to do that pun. I'm terribly sorry.. :P