To the Future Boys That May Become Future Brothers-in-Laws,

Ah, young love. I love it, I hate it, and admittedly I find myself to be jealous of those who are successful with "young love".

I just came to terms with the inner battle of my own "young love" that maybe, I am still too young to understand what love is. All the same, I wonder sometimes how girls that are younger than I am have the strength to carry out long lasting relationships. Is it because maybe they know something more about love than I do? Are they just naive and evasive of potential problems? Or maybe.. they have found their soul mate at the  ever young age of 12 years old?

How do you find true love at 12 years old?

It's weird being the oldest and seeing my younger sisters interact with boys. I'm going to be really frank, we all talk about a lot of different things. What we never talk about is our love life (read: my love life. Or possibly Eleanor's.) You may be marveling at this title that I have chosen for this post. Clearly, my sisters (and myself, for that matter) are a long ways off from finding a soul mate and husband to spend the rest of our lives with. I'm not sure how I will react to seeing them holding hands with (gasp) a boy, but here's a letter of affection to whoever may choose to pursue either one of my lovely sisters:

To the Future Boys That May Become Future Brothers-in-Laws,

First off, seeing my sister texting you, holding hands with you and going places with you makes me cringe just a bit - not because I dislike you, but because I'm trying to figure out where all the time went, and if this is actually reality. As strange as this sensation is to me, I'm trying my best to come to terms with the fact that she is growing up and I was once like her.

So take care of her - tell her that she is special and beautiful. Take her out on dates - plan them and surprise her. Let her take charge and surprise you. Be spontaneous and discover new things and new places together. Make memories with her.

Don't hide things from her - honesty and trust are two major pillars in a relationship. If you can't be upfront with her, ask yourself why. Are you afraid that she will judge you? Are you hiding something that you aren't proud of? Do you think that you can just 'sweep it under the rug' because it doesn't matter? If you are hiding something, then maybe it does. Be honest - the less you hide, the easier if is for her to confide in you.

Communicate with her - tell her how you are feeling about certain things. There is no need to lie about how you feel - a true lady and gentleman respects their love's feelings.If you can't see her in person, text or call her. Let her know that you are alive (please) and that you are still thinking about her.

Respect her - remember that a relationship is a two way street. If you both respect each other's wishes and feelings, the relationship will go a long way. No means no, and if you can't understand that, then you best be moving on until you do.

Respect her family - This is key, my friend. As her family, we aren't going to bite you or hurt you. We just want what is best for our sister. My parents want someone that will respect them and take care of her. So talk to us, get to know us and spend time with us - if you really want to marry my sister, the reality is, you'll be marrying us too.

Understand her - understand who she is, what she loves to do and where she has come from. Try to read between the lines of the story of her life and help her to heal the wounds of the past and build memories for the future.

Most importantly, LOVE her and PRAY her - if you really love my sister, please do all of these things. Pray for her - her dreams, her hopes and her struggles. Pray for her family. Pray for her well being and that she will be able to follow in God's path of righteousness. With God on your side, your relationship will flourish. Take pride in knowing that "If God is for you, who can be against you?" (Romans 8:31).

So love her unconditionally and make God the focus of your relationship. With all these things, I hope to call you my brother-in-law....many years down the road, of course!

Rachel

^^ And I think all of this is my hurt speaking, but hey, at least now I know what I need to look for in a potential husband.

So live out and love mightily, keep God as your focus and of course, spill ink while you do.

My [Real] Grad Write Up

Remember that puny space that we had to sum up our high school experiences?

HA.

It was honestly such a struggle to pour all my memories into 100 words, and I promised myself that I would do a more concise and better job. Now that the year is actually over (and I'm not writing my grad write up halfway through senior year!), I thought I would take this opportunity to write my "real" grad write up.

~~~~
It is with great fondness that I write this. How five years has passed so quickly, I cannot even begin to comprehend. I still have the horrid image of my first entrance into the gym on my very first day of high school. Pushing past the teal doors (which by the way, after five years in being in this school, why are the lockers and doors TEAL? Why not RED?), I came face to face with a massive crowd of people called Holy Cross Crusaders, both old and new. My kilt was just at my knee at that point and I tugged on my basically non-existent short hair in nervousness. I suddenly wanted my old life back where my class was thirty students and not five times the size of that. I wanted to go back to the days where my class ran the school, an we were taller than everyone else.

But here I was, at the bottom of the chain and beginning this new journey called high school.

As time went on, I began to foster incredible relationships with people from all different backgrounds and life stories. I was fortunate to have met these people who have walked into my life and left their hand prints on my heart over the years. I was able to work with some of the coolest teachers around and learned beyond what can be taught in text books. Together, these people made my high school experience what it was and for that I am truly blessed and honoured to have shared it with them all.

The memories that I have made within the confines of the school, as well as outside, are great in number and will always be treasured. From band trips to field trips, from classroom antics to memories with best friends, where do I even begin to recount them? I will always remember all my music trips - Edmonton, New Orleans, Banff and Hawaii - for being trips where I have really geeked out musically and was able to share the experience with other fantastic musicians. The trip to the Philippines as part of the Mission Team this year was another amazing experience. Seeing another part of the world and being able to help the people that lived there was such a blessing. I will never forget the smiles on these peoples' faces and how thankful they were - something that I must grow to learn and understand. Field trips like March for Life, the writing field trip, the aquarium... the list is endless and the memories go above and beyond these. It always brings smiles back to my face whenever I look on old pictures of past trips. And of course, the never ending inside jokes and antics that occur in the classroom are endless and I laugh every time I think of a certain class or people or even things that people say. It is something that you don't get in elementary school, this dynamic, and it's also something that I don't think I will experience in the future, so I'm going to miss it.

Of course, this is not to say that there wasn't any sort of struggle in my high school life. There were many low points, and one of the biggest was losing both of my grandparents during high school. There were fights and arguments and obviously a lot of drama, but who can blame teenagers for drama? It's bound to happen, and I can say with confidence that I didn't have to deal with as much, so for that I am grateful. Struggles that happen in life form character and help people get stronger. My biggest mountain to climb during my high school journey was my battle with depression. It comes as a major shock to people that this was indeed a major part of my life, but people act in different ways and never want to look weak. This has never been truer for me, and because of that, I think that is where my problem lay. I was always so consumed in trying to be the stronger person, never letting my weakness and pain show. Because of hiding and waiting for so long to seek help, I was consumed in my own pain and violence, leading to a whole other host of issues. I am happy to say that as of now, I'm nearly if not fully recovered. I get that strength is not hiding but finding help, and I am so thankful for the people that have been my support system on my worst days. You guys rock. Never be afraid to find help for anything.

The best part about high school was definitely the people, as mentioned above. I would like to give many, many shout outs:
- Firstly, big, big thank you to my girls, my limo crew. At a time when I had nowhere else to go, my girls took me in and included me, never judging and always believing in me. I love you all - Abby, Erica, Jessica, Sarah, Emily M, Megan, Mia, and Alessandra.

- To all my locker neighbours (and I remember all of you!) - Austin, Kielle, Nick TV, Aldrin and Reiner - Thank you for putting up with my constant antics and my never shutting up, my locker problems and all the times when I was being a melodramatic Asian chick. I am so blessed to have had you guys as locker buddies!

- To the boys crew, JT, John P, Philip S, John A, Martin - you guys make me laugh so much. I have never shed so many tears from laughter and it's because I have had the honour to have known you. Thanks for always being there for me, ready to listen and beat people up for me and overall, being protective of me. Y'all are my brothers and I love you all immensely.

- My homie and fellow Chinese buddy, Eugene! Dude, thank God we were in math class together. As if you needed it, but thank God or else I wouldn't have passed Pre Calc 11 the way I did. We had so many memories together. Thanks for always being there to help me with anything and everything, sharing all your wisdom and all the youtube videos in the world. SFU, here we come!

- My girl, Emily Junk - thank you for being the best band buddy in the world! I don't know how you were able to put up with sitting next to me for 4 years, but at least you don't have to any more! And of course, the band trips (um, New Orleans? Bubba Gump? BITTANTE?!) and French class (SALUT-LA!). I'm going to miss seeing you every day. Who can I fangirl with at SFU? ooh, and btw Australia 2016, we're going to make it happen! Love you girly <3

- Band class - I just love you guys. There really are no words to sum up my love for everyone that is in that class. <3 <3 <3 #dad #cabscalves Also, to my music leadership family - Clarence, Regi, Gianne, Kyle, Pamela.. you guys rock. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to work with you all. Wings round two one day :)
Shout out to my other favourite roomie Chelsea for all the good times, the weird talks, ab work outs and fangirling. Much love to the boys that I have gotten to know through band - Bouvier, Zach, Sam and Sam, Mark and Vaanyi. I'm going to miss you guys <3

- To the girls that I would like to affectionately call the pretty amazing ladies - Genie, Marinelle, Samantha P, Jenny, Jaia and Alanna - I'm glad that we all got so close this year. I'm going to miss seeing all of you on a daily basis. Genie and Marinelle, we go back super far (ERM, and Marinelle, I think I remember who my 'affaired' love is..). Alanna, Socials 8, enough said (thanks for contending with my endless emotions over the carrot top). Jenny, UGH GRAD COMMITTEE. Thanks for being my comrade there and just your neverending support and hard work. Samantha, why did we take French 12 again? Homeroom buddies and of course, now we've conquered what we thought was the impossible. Jaia, your beautiful singing voice I'm going to miss the most! Partying in Tang's car and talking with you during the retreat. Keep in touch, all you! :) I'm going to miss you guys!

- My spirit animal Kielle - what would I do without you? Even though we both still argue about how and when we met (although I'm almost guaranteed its grade 9 because of our lockers), you never fail to amaze me with how strong you are. Thank you for always being there for me to give me a pep talk and to listen to me rant and bash or fangirl and just be over the top with useless love. I will never forget you and I'm going to miss seeing you every day. You are such a beautiful person and I love you. Let's hang out this summer? :)

- To my partner in crime, Kenneth - that fateful day, the day we never stop talking about, has made us best friends for life. I am so thankful to have known you. All the time we spent talking, all the Starbucks consumed and all the endless laughs have been a blast. Throwback especially to the mission trip when we would stay out on that staircase and just talk philosophically. Life won't be the same without you, and of course I wish you all the best in your future. Don't stay a stranger - maybe one day I will rely on you when I make that trip out to Dubai! :)

- All the grade 11s - you are literally my favourite grade. I'm going to miss you guys :(
Special mention to Cielo, all the memories in choir and lunch time, and of course the OLGC days..
Elaine, you amazing girl. Don't burn yourself out too much, kay? The foodie adventures will continue, not to worry!
The lunchtime crew - Kevin and Sophia - thank you for sharing your humble abode with me and taking me in because literally, I have no friends LOL
Donovan and Vikaram, you two are the best and are so freaking huge. Ihop for days! We will hang out and I will come back to visit. I love you two.
Rebecca - my locker neighbour! I'm going to miss you! Thanks for putting up with me for so long, and of course, choir...
- James and Jyle - you both have a weird relationship. James, I hope you get that girlfriend that you have always wanted. Jyle, get some rest. You're always tired. I'm going to miss both of you.
- Jayson - YOUR POEM THOUGH. I guess this would be an appropriate time to say that I always thought you were cute WHAT lol
Ashley - I miss our morning talks, and I'm going to miss them even more now that we're going to be in separate places. Stay classy and sassy :)
Myka - Thanks for all the memories in the Philippines! I would say hit me up if you ever need help in French, but I guess you're kinda done with it! Have fun in Africa!
Talia- THE COOKIES
Laura - Dictator Laura! Run that music program with sass!
Sarah Chan - my other chinese friend - we will street race. and then go for dim sum. LOL

- Diego, as I have written, in your yearbook, thank you for everything: all the laughs and good times. Thanks for grade 9. I still remember us and everything that we have been through and I loved every minute of it. Stay in touch and thank you for being such an amazing friend to me<3

- Last but definitely not least, Mateo: Where do I begin? I think I have said everything that I needed to on that virgin page of yours, so I'll make this brief - thank you for the past 13 years. From me being taller than you to you (sigh) being taller than me, we have shared so many good times throughout the years. I can't thank you enough for your support and your always being there for me, even when I was being stupid and irritable. You never ceased to support me and through it all, I am so grateful. Thank you also for 6 beautiful months, for the Philippines, for grad and everything in between. I love you. BCIT isn't that far... expect to see me in the future :) <3

- To my grad class, I wouldn't want to graduate with anyone else. Stay true and hope to see you all again in 10 years or less!

- All those that I have met over the years - older than me, younger than me, thanks for leaving your imprint on my heart and being my friend.

Here's to grad 14 - may your futures be bright, your journeys amazing and your time on this earth fruitful. I can't wait to see what the future holds for all of us. Until next time, take care, God bless, and never stop spilling that ink .

xiv for life baby! Thanks for everything!

Here's to Grad 14

There is so much joy in my heart, coming from the depths of my soul and exploding before me in waves of pure euphoria.

Despite the trials, the tribulations, the suffering and pain, God has given me the power to divide, conquer and pull through, and here we are, after grad, and I have never felt happier.

I am so proud of my fellow graduates - those I have known for years, those I have just gotten to know in the past few months. Those that I talk to on the daily, those I used to spend time with and those that I pass with a smile in the halls. We are filled to the brim with so much potential, with our blessings growing exponentially, and there is so much in store for us.

Now we are in the home stretch, ready to close off a chapter of my life that had once seemed impossible to comprehend and complete. But here we are, at the face of a new adventure. Here's to a life full of love and joy and exhilaration.

#gradxiv

Be good, be kind, and spill more ink. Only 20 days left! :)

To the Grad Class of 2014,

YOU GUYS.

Grad is finally here. It's fast approaching - hell, it's three days away.

Naturally, like many other fantastic and exciting things that has come to be in my past, I always get sick. Always, without fail. So being completely healthy before grad should have made me laugh because I should have known better. I would get sick.

However, having the time at home and the time alone really gave me time to contemplate and think about where I am now, who I have become, and what I hope to achieve in the next chapter of my life.

Despite the fact that I have lost my voice (but what else is new) and my back is really sore and my head pounding and thudding like there's no tomorrow, I am truly grateful for everything that has happened. Okay, so maybe my immune system could use some work. But this year, and the past 13 years of schooling, has taught me so much.

To the graduates of 2014,

We finally made it. Here we are, at a time and place that we have probably all thought once or twice in our past that we would never make it. There were times where we thought that graduation was too far away and didn't come soon enough. There were times where we were so caught up with the fear of our future that we couldn't enjoy what it truly meant to be young. We were once so overburdened by what people thought, what people said, and what it meant to keep up with the times that we couldn't appreciate who we were and what we could do.

But right here, at this moment, we have come to the realization that we are enough and we have conquered something massive.

What once seemed far out of reach is right at our fingertips, just close enough to touch. We are at the realm of adulthood, ready to move on from the environment that we have once called our school community to various campuses all over the map, becoming one of many and making new friends. After much stress and planning, the time has finally come to celebrate the fruits of our labor. The path maybe uncertain, but put your trust in God. This is where the true adventure begins.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are among the next generation of doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, fashion designers, journalists, technicians, men and women of the armed forces and famous royalty. There is no limit to what we can do and what we can achieve. Remember to do what you love.

I hope to one day be able to turn on the television and see one of the many people that I have once sat in class with being interviewed. Maybe one of us will have discovered the cure to cancer, created a new and cutting edge piece of technology or become the next Prime Minister. We all have so much potential to do great things, and I hope that you all realize that at this point.

As we prepare to embark on this new chapter of our lives, take care of yourselves. Enjoy the moment - it only comes once in a lifetime.



So cheers, Grad XIV. Here's to a whole new world. Stay true, be you, and spill some more ink while you're doing so.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Dear Grade 11s,

I think this back to back posting makes up for lack of posting in the past two months, but for whatever reason I have been so inspired by people and things that have happened. Round two of this week, hollaaaa...

So today at lunch there was a meeting for all those students who wanted to run for student council executive this year. It was something that I had discerned but eventually decided not to go for it, despite so many people pressuring me to run for various positions. I've been in a similar situation before as a young kid, and as past president of an elementary school student council, it's a taxing race. I am not saying don't run and don't try, but remember that there is a long road ahead of you. No matter if you were running back then or right now for next year, one thing remains the golden truth: stuff like this is always a popularity contest.

On that note, here is my letter to all grade 11s who are die hard, ready to fight to the death to win applicants, on the fence applicants and applicants who are being forced into doing this by one force or another:

Dear Grade 11s,

First of all, there are two reasons for me writing this. The first being that sometimes, I feel that I am closer to many of you than those in my own grade. I'm not sure if that is pathetic or cute or whatever, but through band class and band trips, Mission Team, Peace Team, locker neighbours, choir and just people that I have gotten to know over the years, I have made many new friends and learned so much from people that are just a bit younger than I am, wisdom that I wish that I had when I was at that age not so long ago.

The other reason is because the journey you are all about to embark on, regardless of what you decide to run for, is going to be a tough one.

Okay, so maybe many of you are thinking that I really have no place to say anything because, HEY RACHEL, you're not even on student council.

Fair enough. However, I've been in a similar situation before and let me tell you, student politics are just one of those things that are fun but at the same time, not fun at all. In the end, as I mentioned before, it is a popularity contest. Unfortunately, this is just how the world rolls.

As you all begin this race with the ultimate prize being a coveted spot on the student council for next year, please keep a few things in mind:

1) Don't run because no one is running -  Yes, it may be really tempting to run for a position that no one runs for because, score! You instantly win by default - no campaigning, no work, no stress. However, there could be a possibility that you have gotten yourself into a position that you either have no experience in or worse, have no interest in. Follow through with what you want, even if it means that you are running against others.

2) Run for what YOU want - Don't run for something because your friends thought it would be a good idea. If you are passionate about music, then by all means, go after becoming music rep! If you really dig doing the arduous task of taking meeting minutes, then go after becoming secretary! Just because your best friend says that you would make a good public relations person doesn't mean that you want to do it (unless you actually do want to) (what is public relations anyways?)

3) Don't make decisions based around others - Many people don't run for things because their best friend is running for the same position. While I totally get that it would be awkward if one wins over the other, you need to remember that this is something that you want to do. If you are all for sacrificing your wants for the good of your friendship, then by all means, step out. However, remember that true friends will support you and in turn, a good friend will support their friends. Think of it as healthy competition and a way to experience new things with your friend.

4) Have a campaign group, not a party - Watching as an outsider during last year's campaign trail, I saw that people made alliances, running for different positions but affiliating with one another and creating a party. While it is a fun and unique way to campaign (and statistically speaking, forming a popular party boosts everyone's chances of winning), there is the chance that someone in your party may not win. And that's awkward. It's great to support each other, but perhaps find most of your support from a trusted friend (AKA campaign manager) and other friends that maybe aren't running for anything.

5) Be unique - So yes, that is super cliche, but if you want to set yourself apart, do something unique while you are campaigning...as long as it's not illegal and that it's something that you can follow through with (for example, I don't really think you can win on a presidential platform of making every Friday senior skip day).

6) Make a good impression... and follow through with it - Remember that there is an unlimited amount of people that can run, but eventually the teachers will choose two for every position (or three, if you are running for religion rep). If you haven't really been that great with teachers but really want to become Vice President, maybe now is a good time to start. And after that, follow through with it. You don't want teachers to think that you were just pretending to get in (trust me, it's happened before!) ** of course, this point is only relevant if that is still happening in this way. Other wise, disregard this lol

7) Don't be discouraged - If by chance you didn't get the position you wanted, relax: it's all good. I know it's difficult, but remember (and I'm going to go all cliche and philosophical for a sec) - things happen for a reason. Maybe you can't see it now, but maybe you are destined to do something else that suits you better: your talents, your interest, your schedule (and believe me, senior year is the last time when you want to have something stuck in your time table that you DON'T want to be doing!)

8) Have fun - This letter wouldn't be complete without reminding you all to have fun. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity - don't waste it because of the fear that you will not win, or get swallowed up in the drama that comes with this (and there will be). Enjoy yourself, enjoy the moment. Embrace the loss, celebrate the win, and ultimately remember why you are doing this. To quote my mom, "if you are doing (insert action or task here) with good and selfless intentions, then God will help you through it".

So those are my 8 points. I would hate to see friendships break over something like this because you are all such great people. Nevertheless, best of luck to everyone that is running or planning on running. You guys are in charge now.

And that's it for now.

Be bold, try your best, and spill ink while you do.

Dedicated to Graeme

So let's be totally real - I was never in shape. I am by far the laziest person ever when it comes to anything physical. I like walking and hikes and stuff, but sports? PE class (Praise God for no more of those)? Running? 

HAHAHAHAHA no.

Honestly, despite my lack of physical activity God has smiled down on me and though I am not the thinnest, God is magical and has blessed me abundantly. Being a chubby kid when I was younger, I can truly appreciate the fact that growing up really does work wonders and that puberty really is the most awkward time of any kid.

Today, about two and a half weeks before grad, I decided that I would begin a new regiment to work out, not just to look good for grad (but let's face it - two and a half weeks won't do that much), but also to begin exercising. There was no more rain or cold for me to hide behind, and hey, it was now or never.

And I did it.

And elementary school me came back to haunt me.

Having not run for a few months, I could only manage one lap before feeling my legs collapse from underneath me, my lungs giving out and I began panting, wanting to give up. It was then that I began my walk, which would have probably been what I had continued to do if it was not for the mystery running man.

As I was halfway through my walking lap, a man that I had saw running pulled up in front of me. It's not a contest, I told myself. He has his pace and I have mine. But for whatever reason, I saw that he began to slow down. "Run, girl. Run!" he called out to me.

I laughed to myself. Nah, not now. Maybe later.

The man did not stop running to call after me. Looking behind him, he called out to me again. "Come on, girl! Let's run!"

For whatever reason, I did. And I didn't stop.

As we ran together, he introduced himself as Graeme, an ex-tennis player from Fiji. He was maybe about 50 something years old and in impeccable shape. He never once stopped running, and together, we ran straight for nearly half an hour.

To put things into perspective:
- my best time for the mile run was 9:47. That's actually really sad.
- the beep test is my mortal enemy, and my best level was may 5-6. (my lowest was 3-1)
- I was asked to do the 800 m run once. I gave up half way.
- I was asked to do the 800 m run again (didn't they learn their lesson?). I threw up after the race.
- I think that the most running that I have ever done straight recently was two and a half laps, tops.
- The fastest I've ever seen myself run was in a mall because I was late meeting someone. That and the sales.

So you can see my downfall here.

The fact that I was running for that length of time without stopping made me realize what I was capable of. But why me, I asked Graeme. Why are you motivating me and not another runner?

"Let me tell you something. I ran for 5 laps and then I was ready to give up. To pack up and begin walking. But then I saw you walking, and it made me realize that maybe, you wanted to run too. Maybe you would run eventually, but maybe you wouldn't. I needed motivation. You needed motivation. So I encouraged you to run, and encouraging you to run made me push myself. We all have our own paces, but how will you know if you don't push yourself?"

Solid.

So even though I am in no way on my way to becoming an Olympic athlete or a marathon runner, I am ready to do whatever it takes to push myself when it comes to staying in shape and exercising. To quote Graeme (who probably quoted Nike), "Don't just try to do it, just do it."

I'll keep you all posted on how that goes.

Until next time, keep fit, stay healthy, and spill some ink while you're at it.

"My head's under water but I'm breathing fine"

Gotta love John Legend and his smooth voice and lyrics that make you die and die again at how romantically sweet yet challenging and questioning they are to the listener.

It's been a while, and a lot has changed between then and now.

For starters, I suppose I should explain the significance of that line. Not only is it the song of the moment for me ("All of Me" by John Legend) but also because it accurately frames the state of life I'm in, literally and metaphorically. I think that the two ultimately do tie together into a big knot of issues but surprisingly, what I thought was an issue turned out to become something even better.

I seem to have lost my mind. Bits of my past, fragments of my memory and pieces of my imagination have some how been taken away from me after one incident in the Philippines. Basically lack of water and sleep led to fainting, which led to a hospital trip, which led to sleeping the rest of the day, which led to the present issue at hand, not remembering that day (fair enough) or various parts of recent personal history.

Was there a fall and head trauma involved? Did I hit something? Did my head jerk back in the motion of falling and being caught by someone? Is this even normal?

According to doctors, it is. My friend told me that this is the body's way of "flushing out" this memory, this trauma, that had happened. And maybe, just maybe, it took other things out with it in the process.

Regardless of what happened, I was left to wonder about who I was at that moment. I was confused with my relationships with certain people. It's funny, because the earliest memory I had was the end of last summer. I remember vividly the hell that he who shall not ever be named again had put me through. Yet, whatever had happened to me between then and now - especially the good things, which I yearned to remember - were taken away from me. I was in blackness. I was underwater.

Despite being underwater, I had to carry on and start from scratch. Apparently, the biggest thing I had lost was my relationship with you. I couldn't remember you, me and what we had. What had happened between us. Where we were going, what we were doing. It was that moment when I saw you for the first time again, and, from what people have told me about myself, I looked at you blankly. How did I look at you before? What went through my head when I saw you?

In that moment, I wondered how real this was. How strong my feelings were, how strong we were. And you told me that what we had, it was special, it was true.

So now, I have to start over and rebuild.

Why this happened, I can't answer. I honestly can't remember what life was like before hand with you or with others. Good or bad, I suppose this is a second chance. No matter where I am taken, I am thankful that this was the most serious part of the entire ordeal. Anything worse and I could be even more lost.

I guess this is how it all works out. My head is still underwater but I'm breathing fine. I can get through this.

No one ever said that life is easy. No one ever said that starting over was easy. But this time, I'm glad to have been given the opportunity.

Enjoy life, savour every moment, and spill more ink while you do.

PS - "All of Me" by John Legend