We're Not Breaking Up, Just Changing it Up

Put quite simply, life happens. Things change, people grow up, and life moves on whether you are ready for it or not. And the great thing is, even though I don't have any clue what my life is going to be like or what tomorrow brings, I have to keep reminding myself that that is okay.

It's crucial to set goals, have some blueprint of a plan and ambition so that you aren't wasting time and going forth into life bravely but blindly. Planning ahead will pay off, I promise - but the one thing I need to change is rigidity.

Change sucks for me. Failure is even worse than that. And though I have failed time and time again, I constantly get caught off guard, despite the fact that I've come to this same conclusion many times before.

In my most recent post (that is not so recent anymore, I'm sorry!!!) I discussed in brief my current relationship with music and piano in particular. I had plenty of great ambitions and a solid timeline that I wanted to meet. But most of all, like many narcissistic beings, I wanted something to show my worth. I needed something that would validate all of my hard work - something physical, something tangible, something that screamed "You did it and you rock".

In piano and some other instruments, that gold standard came with an Associate of the Royal Conservatory of Music  diploma. Since I began taking exams at the age of 9, I was dead set on one day walking across the stage in the purple regalia to get that diploma. At that point I was also set on spending the rest of my life doing music. Music was something I loved, and I wanted nothing more than to teach for the rest of my life.

Life changed, things happened, and I began to see that something was not quite right. I loved music and still do, don't get me wrong. But other things began to crop up that weren't really playing to my favour. After an incredibly awful experience at a festival, I sat back from it weeks later and thought about it. I thought about it a lot. 

We can all assume that after that experience, it didn't make piano attractive for me at all. And I know, we all fall down sometimes and we have accept the failures before we can move onto the triumphs. But in other aspects of life, I got the failure part and I worked hard to make sure that those failures didn't repeat themselves. With piano, I stopped. I felt like I was hitting a brick wall and I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

It wasn't until very recently that I radically changed the course of my path, with a story too technical and long to go in depth here. It hurt so much to step back and humbly accept the fact that what I had been telling people - the goal that I had advertised for years - had to be revised. I felt like I let so many people down, including myself, and that I couldn't go out into the world with the confidence that I once had. Because if this is what happens with something that was such an integral part of my life, what's going to happen when I don't find myself behind the news desk?

This aspect of humility was something that my parents told me time and time again when I was fighting to figure out what I wanted to do with my relationship with piano. And of course, parents are ALWAYS right. But today the truth that my parents had told me all along was brought to me in a different way, and I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There was a guy that I knew that made his mind up about a lot of things, and his measure of success was dependent on achieving certain "checkpoints". For him, his gold standard was medical school. He worked tirelessly all throughout high school to get high grades, and for a while, that was all he focused on. He was a bit cocky about things too, telling his ambition to everyone and looking down on other people and what he presumed to be "lesser achievements".

Today, however, I saw a different side of him, admittedly the first time that I ever felt sympathy towards him. He confided in me the trouble he was having: his classes were mentally and physically draining, he wasn't pulling the marks he wanted, he was having trouble sleeping and he even cried to his parents about it. He then said with some uncharacteristic resignation that he might just scrap med school altogether. And despite the bias that I had held about this guy for the longest time, for once in my life, I felt sad for him. I felt sympathetic, and on some weird level, I related to him. His struggle was my struggle, and suddenly the universe shifted.

Like at mentioned at the outset, goals are important to guide your focus and give you motivation. But just the way that trips sometimes go awry and performances bring up surprises, you need to learn to go with it and improvise: don't throw your whole plan out the window and start again from square one, but also remember to never be afraid to fail and make a change.

This is a lifelong concept that I know that I will struggle to contend with when something else crops up in the future. Our plans are not ours alone - they're His.

x R

Are YOU "All About That Bass"?

I am sure that by now, everyone has heard this song by now at least once. Much to the dismay of myself, I will be linking it at the very end of this post so that you can listen to it, dance to it, do what you will with it...

I am going to be very frank, in the nicest way possible: the song "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor is not my cup of tea. Putting it bluntly, the song will not be on my playlist any time soon, even if it is a body peace playlist.

Now, I must commend Trainor for going against the social norm and coming up with a song to celebrate body shapes of all sizes. "Every inch of you is perfect / From the bottom to the top". However, I never really had the patience to actually listen to the song, maybe in part because I could not get past the music that the song opened with. 

However, the other day I did take the time to listen to the song. With it being so popular, I had the privilege to listen to it all the way through more than once. Now typically, I need to listen to a song a few times before I can get most of the lyrics in my brain and be able to sing along. With "All About That Bass", just one listen all the way through gave me all I needed to hear.

Before we proceed, I must reassure you that in no means do I disagree with body peace and loving yourself, regardless of shape or size. I just do not agree with how Trainor gets her message across.

Take it from me, a girl who has struggled with her own body weight. As a girl, I suppose I am more susceptible to insecurity, especially about my appearance. My body has once been described as an ideal shape, but being insecure, I did not agree. It took me many years until I finally was able to accept beauty as being unique. There is no set formula for beauty - it is what YOU make out of it.

Listening to  Trainor's song made me extremely uncomfortable. I agree, that "Photoshop shit ain't real" and we are being brainwashed by the media to think that these bodies are necessary to attain. And speaking for other boys, saying that curvy girls are better? No no. All girls are equal. Skinny is not superior to curvy, and curvy is not superior to skinny. The REAL message here is that you should never change yourself for a guy (or vice versa, change yourself for a girl).

The biggest problem I have with the song is the second verse. "Skinny bitches"? Really Meghan? It almost seems like she is apologizing for her vulgar statement with the line "No I'm just playing". In a society where vulgar language is interjected in between every other word in our sentences, I find this usage (or any usage in any song, for that matter), highly unnecessary. And calling those "skinny bitches" "stick figure, silicone, Barbie doll" is drawing extreme stereotypes. There are some girls that are naturally built that way, and that is fine - that is STILL beautiful. 

Some people might be thinking that I feel this way because I am considerably "skinnier" and that I have no idea what these people might feel. I assure you, by my own definition of skinny, I am far from it. However, recently I have learned that if I stop comparing myself to other people (and especially those on magazine pages), I will feel much happier.

And so far, I am succeeding.

A few months ago, I watched a TED Talk by Lizzie Velasquez. She is a motivational speaker and was able to fulfill her dreams of being an author. She suffers from a very rare condition where she is unable to gain weight. Having never weighed over 64 pounds a day in her life earned her the title of the "World's Ugliest Woman". But I disagree. Her hardship is an inspiration to all, and she continued to fight for herself, successfully graduating from the University of Texas and has shared her message with people all over the world. Velasquez is the epitome of skinny, but in her own way, she is beautiful, inside and out.

(http://centreo.hk/wp/?tag=ted-talk) 

So tell me, Meghan Trainor - is Lizzie beautiful?

Every inch of you is beautiful from the bottom to the top. You do not need Meghan Trainor to tell you that. You know it, but deep down, we all strive for something more. We never feel like we are good enough. But I assure you, you are. You are more than enough.

I have a cut out from a magazine that I stuck on my closet. Every morning when I wake up, I see it, and it says,

"Have you thanked your body recently for all it does for you?"

Thank your body for what it does for you. Remember that size and shape does not matter. So take care of yourself, live your life for you and spill ink while you do so.

By the way, I found the music video to be a bit disturbing. So I will just link an audio and I won't subject you guys to that.

x R

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Thanks to everyone for reading! For more body peace and self-acceptance posts, check these out:

"Perfection"

"40 Days of No Makeup"

"God Spoke to Me"

God's Wicked Sense of Humour

Hello friends! I hope everyone has been keeping well in this (ahem) final week of summer.

Today was a fantastic day with a bit of a twist. I would like to think of it not as God bursting my bubble, but having a really twisted sense of humour. This is why:

Orientation for undergraduate Simon Fraser students occurred today at the Surrey Campus. In one week, SFU would become my new school for the next little while. I had been so excited for this day ever since an invitation came in the mail, inviting me to register. Many people know that SFU had been my first choice for post-secondary for, well, forever.This was a new chapter in my life, and I was excited, overjoyed and overwhelmed.

Of course, the nerves got to me too. This is where God's twisted sense of humour, and the test that came with it, came into play in my life today.

This morning was an early one, and I had lucked out with my mom giving me a ride as opposed to taking an early morning bus. As I was crossing the street, a woman in high heels ran behind me, her arms and bag flailing as she yelled into her phone. Evidently, she was late. I did not have time to ask her, but at that moment, she had bumped into me, sending my knees to lock and my foot hitting the curb. The next thing I knew, I found myself lying in the path of on coming traffic.

I watched her retreating figure with disbelief, and a kind lady helped me get up and out of the way of traffic. At that point, I realized three things:

1. My hand was bleeding and a big, scary mess.
2. I had not only scratched up one side of my leg, but my ankle was also bleeding in two places.
3. God had a wicked sense of humour.

Thanking the lady, I proceeded to walk through the doors of the building. I marched up to the security desk and asked for a first aid kit. At this point, I would like to give a shout out to the two security guards that attended to me as well as the first aid attendant. I got bandaged up and my hand was wrapped up so that the band-aid would stay in place.

So why do I tell you this?

Though this was an unfortunate start to the day and I had this constantly playing and replaying on my mind, I realized three more things:

1. The wrap on my hand made fantastic conversation starters (especially with cute boys! HAHA). I quickly became known to my new peers as "The girl who required first aid even before Welcome Day even started". Everyone wanted to know why my hand was wrapped in the way that it was.
2. I knew that despite this terrible start to the day, what mattered most was that I did not get seriously injured. Surface wounds hurt but do not take that much time to heal. A broken ankle or getting hit by a car, a little longer. Just a little.
3. Despite God's wicked sense of humour, I was not going to let something small like this ruin what turned out to be an amazing and fruitful day.

Many people also know that I was infamously burned at school one day. Every time I change my outfit, I laugh and am constantly reminded of how at one time, I was cursing God and the girl that burned me with her tea and my bad luck. Today, I look back on this nasty spill from a business women with poor time management with a sense of understanding.

They say that God has a plan for us, and everything that happens to us teaches us a lesson and is for a purpose. And okay, maybe this little fall on the road is very minuscule in God's eyes. Maybe it was not even in His plan and maybe, I really am ungraceful. But at the end of the day, I am okay. I got through the day (albeit slightly uncomfortably), but I did not let it ruin the day for me.

So often do we find ourselves in situations that disappoint us. This is so true for me, especially with the weather. I am notorious for complaining about the weather, especially when I have made plans with friends. My mom can attribute to the fact that I will constantly complain about rainy days. I learn now that we should never let little things like this get to us, or worse, get to us and ruin our days.

In his poem "To A Mouse", Robert Burns says, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry". Unfortunately, disappointment is a constant factor in our lives. God likes to throw curve balls our way, just to see how we would react. Know that the decision lies within YOU to enjoy the plans that you have made, whether or not they are perfect.

Of course, this is not to say that I would welcome twisting my ankle on my wedding day. However, I do know that we should always be prepared for anything. I am not saying that we should constantly be on guard and anticipate crazy business ladies pushing out of their ways, but be prepared. God has laid out a plan for us, and I am starting to realize that it is not as simple as a straight line towards Him. It requires climbing mountains, swimming across oceans and uneven terrain.

And with that I say, let us welcome each day with open arms. Do not fear what could happen, but embrace everything: the good, the bad, and even the ugly. I am not sure what scars will be left from today, but I will remember today: how I felt at the moment of impact, how I succeeded in having a fruitful day, and wondering if she ever made it to her meeting on time.

"'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" - Isaiah 55:8-9

 In this last week of summer, and in the new journeys that many of my fellow classmates are embarking on, embrace the change. Embrace the new life with all ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments. Keep an open mind, seize the day, and spill more ink while you do.

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In case you are a bit confused, I wrote this Wednesday night so as to keep all my thoughts together and not forget them. I was not ready to post it at midnight though! Thanks for reading!