Freshman -15

[So this is devoid of the style that I usually write in, forgive me.]

I guess I just wanted to use this post as a 100% blog style blog post, just as reflection and what not. Life has been interesting, and to the dismay of many of my fellow grads I have two days off a week this term with minimal commute time. It is an understatement to say that I am blessed, because I really do appreciate all the extra downtime and time spent doing work or other things that I enjoy doing, like writing. I suddenly had the inspiration to write yet another novel manuscript so we'll see how well that goes down..

(http://www.quickmeme.com/Freshman-15)

I made many new friends, but one I have particularly bonded over the most is this guy in his second year. We both share an incredible love for food (we spent two hours sharing favourite restaurants and sharing places that we wanted to go) as well as the fact that we are both after the same career path in journalism. The biggest bond that we have is this lack of balance that we have in our lives, which frankly, is not a good thing.

I refer back to a previous post way back when about body image and "perfection". It has always been a struggle of mine to accept my body and how it looks. This makes me seem very ungrateful, since m my body is fully functioning with no physical problems. I have something ideal, yet I am constantly comparing to what others have and go on about what I do not have. I do admit, that this ungratefulness leads to my inability to be content with myself. This is a struggle that I face constantly.

One of my biggest fears in university was Freshman 15, or gaining 15+ pounds because of poor eating habits as a result of poor time management. However, my friend and I have both realized that we are going backwards instead of forwards, and our Freshman 15 is diminishing. He told me that his breakfast was a package of M&M's. He then 'balanced' that out with a caramel macchiato and poutine, which he could barely finish. On top of that, his sleeping schedule is about 5 hours a night because of work and homework.

Now I am a lot luckier here. My mom makes sure that I eat, and not eating is not an option. However, with my classes being at the times that they are, I have been going weeks without eating properly at the right times and eating all wrong at all the wrong times. There are only a few days in the week when all my meals are regular, which scares me. Getting into a cycle of irregularity is the last thing I want.

My friend and I have struck a deal, and we are trying to eat normally. Something that was once so easy must be re-learned, and there is no room to say that it is difficult. In order for us to function properly, this 'eating' thing is vital. We are going to start eating normally as well as trying our best to eat healthier and work out. 

Value the food you eat and the regularity of it. Value your body and what it can do. Most importantly, value life and how much you can achieve throughout your life, and spill ink while you do.

Thanks for bearing with me. Promise to write soon!

x R

Officially A Loser

OKAY (That is what my International Studies prof says all the time, in that precise manner).

One thing's for sure (and my mom can attest to this too), I hate eating lunch, or any meal for that matter, by myself. And by myself, I mean alone in public places. I feel that eating is a social thing, and though one might argue that it makes everyone eat slower because people are trying to talk instead of eat, I think most people agree that eating with friends is more fun than eating alone.

Now, I think that I do not just hate eating alone but I also fear it. There is apparently a term known as "solomangarephobia" that precisely describes my fear - the fear of eating solo.

So why do I fear eating alone?

Many times when I go out with family or friends for a meal, I enjoy the company that they provide for me. It gives me a sense of security and does not make me feel awkward while I'm eating. From time to time I glance around at the array of people in the restaurant, and 9 times out of 10, there will always be solo dinners.

I am curious as to what is going through their minds while they eat by themselves. I do not pity them per se, but I do wonder how they feel about eating alone. I almost feel awkward for them. I feel that same awkwardness when I am asked to go and eat by myself.

As I am learning in university, there is very little time to eat. Sometimes, an older and wiser friend told me, you have to go eat by yourself.

What?

Maybe this is because I am such a social being that I have this notorious fear that will not let go of me. 

This fear was also prevalent in high school too. Once everyone was able to drive out of school to eat lunch, I would come out of meeting after meeting with the threat of eating alone. The feeling was something incomprehensible, yet, it seemed so simple. I just did not want to eat by myself.

But yesterday I was forced to do that. After exploring SFU Vancouver for the first time, I was hungry for lunch. The thing was, I was in the middle of downtown with no friends. I had nothing with me but my bag and a craving for Japadog.

So I went, in search of the Japadog. And then I went, in search of a place to eat, alone.

I was petrified of this experience - sitting out in public, alone. It almost seemed like high school all over again, with office workers and tourists alike passing by and thinking that I was a loser, eating all alone. To make thing worse, a couple tourists had asked me to take their picture. Being a polite Canadian I agreed and helped them get a few shots. When it was all over, the asked me, "Dear, why are you eating lunch all by yourself?"

Officially a loser.

I had nothing to hide but the truth. "I'm down here by myself today."

The tourists nodded knowingly. One of the elderly ladies spoke. "It's good to take some time for yourself though. Get away from all the yapping mouths", she said, making a talking motion with her hands behind her husband. We laughed together and I wished them a good day.

In time afterwards, I realized that she was right. I did take that afternoon for myself.

I very rarely go to downtown, and I go even more rarely by myself. But on Friday, with the sun shining down through a perfectly cloudless and brilliant blue sky, I took in everything around me. I became invisible, like a piece of architecture. I just observed everything around me, took in the smells and the sights and looked ahead, instead of behind.

Sitting by the water, I looked at the ripples of the water. I watched seagulls fly to meet others on rocks. I looked at my reflection in the water. And as I sat and listened, I began to regain sight on a person that I had lost while I was so busy trying to conform to the social standards of society - me.

When you are by yourself, you see the world differently. In many ways, you become vulnerable. But this vulnerability allows you to look introspectively into yourself. The quietude allows you to breathe and not be choked out by the voices around you.

So maybe, in the end, I became a winner.

Here are some of the shots I took from yesterday:

And of course, to fulfill my obsession with panoramas:

So take time for yourself! Be a tourist in your own city, fulfill your cravings and sit in the quietude of yourself. Never be afraid to eat by yourself (as I will try to be now!) and spill more ink while you do.

x R