What is Love (At First Sight)?

So after nearly two and a half weeks of searching, reading and interviewing, I am happy to say that my research is complete! This is what happened:

I asked 3 males and 3 females from the ages of 13-21 to help me answer a simple question and give their two sense on why they chose the answer that they did. Before I get into what the question is, let me paint the scenario on how this came to be.

I started asking for interviewees right around the time that I heard this conversation. It was at Chapters, and I was looking for another poetry book. As I scoured the shelves trying to find this book, I heard giggling. It was loud and shrill, and though this was not a library, I could feel all eyes on these two teenage girls. With teenage girls, I have to say they were maybe 15, but of course it is so difficult to tell these days.

They each were holding a copy of John Green's The Fault in Our Stars and laughing madly. When their laughter subsided, one of them whispered, "What would it like to have a guy fall in love with you, knowing that you were the one for him? And he didn't need to look for anyone else. All he needed was to convince you that you were the one for him."

That touched me, just a little bit.

I grew up with the age of Disney princesses meeting their one true love, usually some guy with a good head of hair on a horse. They did not know it then, but by the end of the movie we all knew that Cinderella and the guy with the awesome shoulder pads were going to get married. In contrast, many chick flicks usually revolve around two people that maybe first hate each other, then eventually grow to love each other.

So which is the norm, and which is just pure fantasy?

This brings me to the simple question I wanted to ask all my interviewees:

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

I asked all my interviewees to answer with yes or no, and then to substantiate further. Of course, there is no right or wrong answer. Some were quick to answer, while some pored for hours and hours. The verdict? 81% of the people do not believe in love at first sight, and here are some of the reasons why:

"Love at first sight is basically what it is; it's what you see" (F/14)

"There is such thing as infatuation at first sight, but I can't believe that people could fall in love with someone that they barely know" (M/16)

"People are difficult to figure out - you can never tell a person entirely at just a glimpse" (M/17)

"You need to be able to feel love and grow with it. It requires patience" (F/18)

"In 0.5 seconds, you can't know a person's past, baggage or life story" (M/19)

"First impressions can be really different from reality" (F/21)

While the majority voted against the possibility of love at first sight happening at all, there were some hopefuls: the rest of the interviewees (19%) believed that it was possible to fall for someone that they just met.

"When someone catches your attention, the feeling is hard to explain. You want to go after that person because you never know when you will see them again" (M/13)

"Try to make it work. First person, first impression" (M/15)

"There have been many people in my life that have experienced it, and I am willing to believe that it could happen to me" (F/16)

"Love at first sight happens on eye contact. We would both know it right away" (F/17)

"Blame it on romantic movies" (M/20)

It was interesting to see what people had to say and how that correlated to their age and gender. Going into this, I had a bias that males would definitely be against this whole idea of love at first sight. However, 25% of the boys believed that it was possible, while just 13% of girls believed that it was possible. Generally, most of those that said 'yes' were on the younger side, though there were a few exceptions.

While I was interviewing a 13 year old girl, we had a deep conversation about books and TV shows and movies. She was all for love at first sight, determined to find that one "movie moment" where she would meet the guy of her dreams. She thought about this in silence for a bit, and then turned the tables on me. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Though I had this question bouncing around in my mind, I never took the time to answer it internally. I thought and thought. I told her that eventually, I would get back to her. Today, I will get back to her:

For me, I am not entirely sure. Even in the movies, the people that eventually fall in love do not love each other at first sight. As mentioned above, they probably get annoyed with each other. Examples I can use are the main characters in "Letters to Juliet" or "27 Dresses". Even Hazel Grace did not feel Augustus Waters right away, even though he knew in his heart that she was the one.

Is it possible? Maybe. There are plenty of stories out there that suggest that love at first sight is possible, and I have talked to many people whose parents, grandparents or other relatives have met "the One" and stuck with them ever since. My personal experience with what people identify as "that slow motion moment" is plenty. I have met several guys that I have crushed on and eventually became just friends with, and others that I have eventually dated and still others that have later proven that they are nothing like what I thought they would be like. And of course, there are many that I will forever have undying feelings for, like Jimmy Fallon.

So back to those girls at Chapters. While the one girl was fantasizing of how she would meet the one person she would spend the rest of her life with, her friend asked her if she believed in love at first sight. She said yes and returned the question. "I'll believe it when I see it."

And maybe, that's all you really can do.

The Bible tells us that "love is patient [and] love is kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4). 27 Dresses taught me that:

(Source)

The journey of love, and I am beginning to learn, is more than just good looks and first impressions. It is how you grow with the person and how you learn to love them in return that makes it worthwhile and exciting. You learn so much from these experiences and gain new insight. And even though you may lose your mind once or twice, what is important is how you pick yourself up and get back onto both feet.

So love the ones you are with! Love the person in front of you, behind you and beside you and enjoy the moments you make. There is only one week of summer left (boo!), so make the most of it and spill more ink while you do.

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Thank you to all who let me steal a bit of their time so that I could talk to them for this article. I am truly blessed to have gained new insight from so many different people. x

The Wisdom of a 10 Year Old

They say that as you age, you become more mature and learn more. Therefore, as the saying goes, you should theoretically be wiser as you get older. For many this is the case: look at our grandparents. Look at our parents. Look at the ones that we depend on for help and counsel in our times of need.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with an interesting young soul who, in my mind, had a very mature sense of direction. Only 10 years old, she carried herself with poise and grace. She was able to greet many people by name and was very eloquently put.

With short blonde hair and grey-green eyes, she is beautiful. Her smile is radiant and the way she talks commands attention from whoever she speaks to. Perhaps it is the confidence in her voice, or maybe just how adorable she looks. Nevertheless, I cannot look away.

While munching on cookies she asked me and my best friend if we had any problems. "I am a very good problem solver," she said to us. "I helped the last few people with theirs. They said that their problems were really, really hard, but I solved them."

I seriously considered her question. Did I have any problems? Life problems? Relationship problems? Friendship problems?

I did not say anything right away, but eventually I cracked in the silence. What harm is there in talking to a 10 year old? I asked myself. I have nothing to lose. I only have innocence and wisdom to gain.

So out poured my so called problems and dilemmas, all of which had sat in my mind for days and days only to be turned and overturned and ignored in hopes that they would disappear on their own. I told her all about the stresses that I had of the future, the hurt that I felt from a love lost, and the confusion that I felt from a situation that was going south faster than I could keep up with.

She listened patiently (yet another thing I admired of this young one) and waited until I was completely finished talking. As I drew in another breath, I suddenly felt nervous. But why was I nervous? Why did I feel the anxiety that I did after I told a 10 year old all my fears and problems?

She blinked a couple times and drew in a breath of her own. "This is tricky," she mused, munching on yet another cookie. As she chewed she stared past me out the window. "I've never had a boyfriend before, but I think that this is something you need to tell him. Talk to him. You don't talk to him enough. Maybe he wants you to talk to him. Boys are weird like that. Girls have to do everything," she said, rolling her eyes.

With all the short bursts of words and sentences, I realized that everything she was saying was in fact correct. I was hiding. I was not talking or expressing how I felt. I was bottling up everything inside.

Didn't I post something on this last time? Yeah, I think I did. And here I am, still not understanding the picture.

After our conversation I felt more at ease and lighter, as if a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. This was something I could easily solve on my own, yet, I had to wait for someone else to tell me. Someone that was 10 years old.

This young girl had all the wisdom and patience I wish I had. I wish that I did not think so much and simplified things. I find that as I get older, I find bigger and better ways to over complicate things for myself, adding unnecessary stress and anxiety to my life.

Thinking back to my 10 year old self, I probably was not as graceful and poised as this girl, but I am thankful that I was able to spend time with one that was able to clear my mind and help me with my problems. I sincerely hope that we remember not to discount the young ones, because sometimes, the younger ones are the ones that are the wisest. I will miss this girl.

Take it easy everyone. Talk to some youngsters, take a breath and spill some ink while you're at it.