The Journey Filled with (Content) Solitude

So today officially marks one week of post-secondary. One week since I first started my journey in university, with hundreds more to follow. Obviously it would be really strange of me to celebrate every week, but indulge me for a bit.

Folks, this is a big step in my life!!

For myself and many others in my graduating class, June was the last time we were all together. We would see each other from a daily basis, and though we maybe were not as close to some as we were to others, we were still connected by a bond of unity. We had a common thread running through all of us. And true, many of us hung out over the summer, reminiscing about the past and assuring each other that the future would be okay. A lot of us made promises this time last year that have been broken, either by life or by ourselves.

I said good bye to a lot of people over the summer, see you soon to some, and see you tomorrow to very few. I also said good bye to the old life that I had - the one that I had found comfort and content in for the past thirteen years of my life. I said good bye to familiar territory and familiar faces, only to walk into what is affectionately called by my elders as "the real world".

As I walked through crowds of people, I tried to find a space. I tried to find a space that I would call my own for a temporary amount of time, sandwiched in between strangers. Everyone seemed to move so fast. The professors talked so fast. Time flew so fast, and suddenly, I was back at home.

I told many, and I will share with you all, that I had woken up last Wednesday morning in a panic. I could not find my kilt in my closet, and I was running super late. It was not until I saw the mess of textbooks on my desk (the very expensive and definitely not free textbooks) and my term-at-a-glance calendar on my dry erase board that I realized that I was not in high school anymore.

In university, people move very fast. Everyone walks with their head down, with steps faster than my high school steps. There are people that walk in groups, with people they call their friends. They laugh and seem to be having a good time. And then I think about high school and how easy it was to fall into sync with my best friends. I wonder where my friends are at that precise moment - whether or not they are able to keep up with the flow of university traffic. Whether or not they are able to find friends to laugh with. Whether or not they feel the same solitude that I feel.

And okay, maybe I am being melodramatic and over thinking everything the way I usually do. But today, one week into my journey, I woke up with a new feeling inside of me. It might have been slight insanity from the fact that I was waking up way too early to meet my 8:30 class (and at this point, I was questioning why I even enrolled for an 8:30 class to begin with!)

And as I walked outside, with my mom calling out behind me to have a good day, I was honestly skeptical once again about how true that would be. But as I walked over the dewy ground, one foot stepping in front of the other, I was greeted by the sun shining through the clouds. It was not a spectacular sunrise, but something about it calmed me. For a while (and allow me to be poetic for a minute - after all, I am an English student), I was able to relate to the sun. I was the sun, trying to find my way from behind the clouds that is this new life of mine. I am trying to find my own way, my own time to shine.

Once 3 o'clock rolled around, the sun shined brilliantly.

I found the pace of today different from the rest. I am beginning to make new friends (so I guess I am not a total loser) and I started to get even more into what I was learning. I am finally getting into the swing of things.

"And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great." - Job 8:7

I hope that everyone is reaching a steady rhythm within themselves and finding their flow in their new experiences. Remember your roots and go boldly into the future! Embrace the new, learn from the past, and spill more ink while you do.

x R 

Mom, Leave Me Alone!

I apologize for not posting in a while! It has been a stressful time, but I am happy to say that my piano exams are done and out of the way! The dream of achieving my Associate Degree with the Royal Conservatory of Music is a little bit closer now!

As a seasoned exam taker, the rules and protocol of the exams are nothing new to me. I am now a teenager, able to enter the exam room myself and do everything on my own. I go, I write, and I leave.

Yesterday, as I arrived to write my final exam, I waited patiently for sign in to begin. I said my prayers and read over my book. I found that I could not concentrate on either, as I was greeted by the loud noise of arguing. The arguing was getting closer and closer.

The arguing between this young Chinese boy, who was about 14 or 15, and his mother was hushed but intense. My Mandarin is terrible, but I could make out a couple words during their exchanged. Mostly, I was drawing from the frustration on both of their faces.

Finally, the boy lashed out in clear English:

"Mom, leave me alone! I'm old enough to do this myself. I don't need you."

This took me aback. As they continued to argue, sign in had begun. I had to shake off this experience and focus on my exam.

Now, me being 18, I obviously do not know anything about being a parent. I do, however, know everything about being a teenager. I know that teenagers want to be independent. They want to stand on their own two feet and usually are not too worried about consequences. We all live by similar mantras: "Ride or die"; "Carpe diem"; "Young, wild and free"; and of course, "You only live once".

But even as a teenager, I know that I would be nowhere without my parents. Granted, there are times where I wished that I would have more freedom than I have, but I realize that freedom is something that needs to be earned.

FREEDOM goes hand in hand with TRUST. 

The above situation may be a classic example of "helicopter parenting", which I must admit seems to very popular among Chinese families. Does the boy's mother not trust him enough, or is she just being overprotective? Is she being overprotective because he is worried that something could happen once she turns around? Or is that her way of showing that she loves him?

When does "love" become too overbearing?

I understand that the amount of freedom that I have goes hand in hand with the trust that I have built up between myself and my parents. What matters is not the quantity of freedom but what we choose to do within it. "Spreading my wings" to me does not include hard drinking and partying, and I hope my parents know that too.

Young ones, remember that the person you are is because of your parents. Parents, remember that you are allowed to let us fly once in a while. We get that we have major responsibilities in the world.  We want you to know that our goals in life is never to disappoint you or fail you. If anything, we want to make you proud.

Unfortunately I was not able to find out how the saga ends between the Chinese son and his mom, but I hope that they can strike a balance between themselves.

 

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." - Colossians 3:20

 So show your parents that love! Hang out with them, tell them that you love them, and spill ink while you do.