We are the Generation with Our Heads Down

This post brings me so much joy because it celebrates the first poem that I have written in a very long time. I have been suffering from writers' block for nearly a month and a half now, and finally I was able to break this barrier and write something that I am actually proud of. At the same time, it gives me the opportunity to talk about something that is not as joyous, but nevertheless is something important to talk about!

I have to thank this lovely young couple, the tech couple, for this inspiration, as well as providing me with content for not just the poem but also my post today. More on these two later.

It is no secret that technology has become a major part of our lives in this time and age. From the time that the first personal computer and cellphone came out, people have been striving for better and faster gadgets, all of which can make our lives easier. The rise of this new technology bring about social media of all kinds and abilities.

We have become the generation with our heads down.

In the good old days of snail mail and face to face conversation, we were able to build up relationships through actually speaking to one another, forging friendships through finding things in common and physically being around others. Now, friendships and relationships have almost become disposable. We have hundreds of Facebook friends, but can we really claim that we are friends with all of them? We can use Tinder to find people that seem to have similar interests as us, but can we claim that it helps us start a meaningful relationship?

Returning back to the aforementioned tech couple, I encountered these two on the Skytrain a while back. They sat next to each other silently, holding hands. Their free hands were occupied with their phone, and the only sound coming from either of them came from their phones. They were like that from Columbia to Production Way, where I eventually got off.

It took me by surprise that this couple never looked up to look at each other. It made me kind of sad too, because it was not just these two that were doing it, but everyone. Including me.

Our generation will forever be remembered as the generation of selfies, endless Facebook friends, Twitter hashtags, Instagram filters, Snapchat stories and swiping right on Tinder. We have all become so boring and conceited to the point where we cannot talk properly or carry conversations without our phones sitting within a one inch radius away from us. And while social media and technology has helped many people to get powerful messages across and show resiliency and solidarity, it has also set us back as a society. We spend hours scrolling through endless posts, catching bits and pieces of other peoples' lives. We become consumed in other peoples' stories. We become anxious and compare ourselves against them. We judge and lose ourselves, and are forced to pretend to become someone we are not.

Now, we are living in a world where we take about 50 selfies before we post the perfect one, the camera eats first, and we take in the beauty of nature behind a screen. And I am guilty of all of these things.

I remember when I first realized that I was addicted to Facebook years ago. I was unsatisfied with myself and was constantly comparing myself to the other girls that I had seen on Facebook. I was not skinny enough or wearing the right clothes, my hair was not dyed and I did not have cool gadgets to show off. I could have been perfectly happy and celebrated who I was, but instead I chose to be hung up over things that I did not have. The emptiness was later filled by acceptance and weaning myself off of social media for a bit.

Of course, this is not to say that I can live without social media. I have to admit that I am an avid user of many kinds, but I suppose that the bottom line is that we need to be careful of what social media can do to us. We need to be content with ourselves and live our lives out happily.

I thank technology each and every day for bringing us to where we are today as a society. However, I really hope that we can all try our best to live, to really live, and be comfortable in our own skin.We may be the generation with our heads down, but that does not have to define us. After all, we are the generation that will need to take charge of the world sooner or later, and we need to show the world that there is more to us than statuses and tweets.

We are a great generation with so much to offer and so much to do.

Hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather! I am off school and have been since late April, so my summer has already started! But whether or not you are a getting ready for finals, just starting summer semester or are basking in the sunshine, remember to really live and not through a screen!

Your fellow Twitterer, Instagrammer and blogger,

x R

I am a Music Educator, Not a Magician.

This has been weighing on my mind for quite some time, and I would like to share this with all of you.

First, let me preface this by saying that I am beyond grateful for my 12+ years of becoming a musician and falling in love with music. I am grateful for the sacrifice that my parents have made to put me and my sisters through piano lessons and always telling ups to do our best. I am grateful for the many music mentors and teachers that I have had over the years that have given me their patience and shared their love of music with me. I am also grateful for the opportunity that I have had to be a music educator myself, sharing my love and knowledge of music with a younger generation.

For the past four years I have been tutoring and teaching piano lessons privately and through my old piano studio (which is another blessing). All of the kids that I have had the privilege of teaching have been, without a doubt, blessings in my life. Yes, it would be dishonest of me to say that every child is a cakewalk and that every situation is an easy one. But the reality is, sometimes teaching can get difficult, whether it is a musical skill, instrument, or even something not music-related such as sports, languages or concepts.

As am music educator, I want to make it clear what my role is.

I am just what the job description says. I am a music educator, and not a magician. My job as an educator is to bring music into your life, give you tips and pointers on how to improve and go the extra mile and to motivate you to do the best that you can and be the best that you can be. I want students to put in the hard work and see the results that way, instead of just giving them the "easy" way out and cheap praise.

However, this is easier said than done. People want to see quick and immediate results. They do not want to wait 5 or 10 years before they see results. This is not a realistic of feasible goal. You cannot expect to go from music-less to Mozart over night. It would be unrealistic of me to push this goal onto my students. My job is not to give students a magic pill so that they can become a virtuoso musician. That has to be earned and worked at.

As it happens, students are often frustrated with their slow progress. A discussion I had with a parent had brought a lot of doubt into my mind, hence this post and a heavy heart. I questioned whether or not I was adequate enough to even begin to teach kids piano. I questioned whether or not I fully understood what I was getting myself into, and whether or not I fully understood the role of my job.

This discussion reminded me that piano, like many other activities, requires dedication and hard work. The relationship between a teacher and a student is not a one way street. Students need to practice - it is their job! You cannot expect progress with practice. With practice, you will go upwards and improve, little by little. The progress is not great to start with, but over time you grow in your craft and earn mastery over it. It is with this practice that a teacher can supplement the hard work that you have put in. I say 'supplement' because the critiques that teachers give should not replace the work that is already put in.

It works the same way with being a member of a sports team. You need to train and go to practice to improve. Without going to practice and demonstrating your technique and skills, how will your coach know whether or not you can handle a game? How will they know that you are dedicated? Coaches put their best players out on the field in order to create favourable situations for a win. 

With music, your "win" is the mastery of your skill.

Let me mention that I see both sides of the relationship equally. Currently, I am still a music student working at a goal that I have been dreaming over for a few years now, and that is a Diploma in Piano Pedagogy with the Royal Conservatory of Music in Toronto. I feel the pains of finding time to practice, the feeling of discontent when I cannot get a piece right and also the feeling when I have disappointed my teacher. However,  I also have experienced the great joys that come out of playing a piece with finesse, making my teacher proud and being able to demonstrate a clear understanding of what I have learned over the years. Music is one of those things in life where determination and discipline is crucial in order to succeed, and it is a lesson that I have brought with me everywhere to this day.

I would be lying to you if I told you that this path was easy. In fact, there have been times when I felt like dropping out and not playing anymore. Piano has taught me to never give up and to practice even harder when you feel like you are not getting anywhere. Because if anything, you are progressing even when you feel like you are regressing. Mastery is a slippery slope - you need to keep going up, because the minute you plateau, it is difficult (but not impossible) to continue upwards.

They say that "practice makes perfect", and in this respect, it is so true. Find the drive and the discipline to practice and give your teacher a reason to praise you. Remember that this relationship, like so many others, is a two way street. Music educators cannot give you their hands and brains for you to play the perfect piece. Instead, we can only give you a critique of what you have done well and what you can improve on. The rest is up to the student: practice, endure, and excel.

I feel that this concept can apply to anything that you wish to excel in. Without discipline and hard work, we would take our talents and gifts for granted. Push yourself to improve and never accept just mediocrity. 

Oh, and show some love to your fellow mentors and teachers too. :)

Your fellow music educator and ink spiller,

x R

(PS - here is a #tbt of me in Banff with a super nice Steinway)

musings & the past, current state & first date

(Because my blog is an escape, and not a social media hehehe)

This will fall under the personal tab of things when it comes to my blog, under journal, buried feelings, stupid feelings, and love feelings and anything sentimental/illogical/dumb that comes my way.

BUT, I wanted to take time to just reminisce. To think, smile to myself, relive our moment(s), and of course, procrastinate the many, many things I should be doing but choose not to do, because I can.

Dearest blog, I haven't really been using you as a blog as of late. Hell, it's been a while since I wrote. So here we go.

1. Musings

- Currently so overwhelmed. Not feelings wise, but information overload wise. I am in this CCO faith study on campus, and we are doing the second faith study, entitled "Source". It talks all about the Holy Spirit and His power within me. Today we learned about docility - saying yes and surrendering ourselves to the mercy and power of God.
I continue to kid myself everyday when I tell myself that I know best. I know exactly what I want, when I want it, and why I want it. I basically run my life with not consideration to what God has in store for me. I guess that's why I find this 'being docile' so difficult. How do I let go of my pride and humble myself to the infinite knowledge that God has? He knows everything about me, and He knows every step I take before I take it. And he knows for a fact that the happiness that I have today may take a sharp turn south tomorrow. He knows everything, and He does everything for me, and yet I still push Him to the back burner. How do I give myself to Him, knowing that He just knows and that I just don't?

2. The past

- A year ago, I was struggling to come to terms with a boy that I thought loved me. I thought that our relationship was over. He would never text or call or message. We would never talk when we saw each other in the halls. I lost so much sleep over this boy. I would cry every night thinking that the next day he would break up with me. But I would see him each morning with the same look on his face: clueless. Clueless that I loved him so much, that I was afraid of losing him, afraid of not being able to be friends again. And yet, that still happened. I lost him. But through losing him I found a part of myself that I was missing along the way. It's cliche and all, but the pain was turned into happiness. I found myself throughout this experience.

3. Current state

- The semester is almost over. Three weeks left. Endless papers to finish writing and editing. A renowned author ripped my interview to shreds (inadvertently; I know he didn't mean to). I've lost some friends along the way but made many new ones. I am anxiously waiting on a new job. So I guess it's just the usual, mixed up emotions but nevertheless, very happy. I am happier than I was a year ago.

4. First date

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I can't describe how you make me feel. You are nothing like anyone that I have ever known, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. You are so genuine, so mature and so kind. Being with you gives me a sense of belonging and warmth, and even though I miss you, I finally feel like I have grown mature enough to find the balance between you and my life. I can't wait to grow with you and learn more about you.
btw, does you paying for our lunch make it a first date?? what about you making the first move??

I promise I will have more intellectual things to say soon. Cheers!

x R

Confessions of the Bullied

Happy March everyone! :) It has been a really busy and stressful time but I'm pleased to announce that I am going to Simon Fraser University next year! It's all come down to this, finally. Thank you all for bearing with me!

So with this post, I might be just a tad late to the party. On February 26, people across Canada and the world wore pink to rally against bullying on the 7th annual Anti-Bullying day. Earlier this past week, I had read an article in the paper about a 9 year old girl from Nanaimo, BC who was bullied relentlessly because of her weight and physical appearance, forcing her to change schools to escape the bullying. The two events - one going in a positive direction, one not so much - both show that bullying is not a one time thing that can be stopped overnight. While there has been so much growth and progress, we are still so far from where we want to be as a society.

Reading this article made my heart break for this girl. At 9 years old, you shouldn't have to be focused so much on physical appearances. For that matter, no one should be so hung up on their own appearance or how others look. At 9 years old, you are supposed to be happy-go-lucky without a care in the world. Because of the mass amount of bullying, this girl could not experience this, and instead was forced to "grow up fast" (Connie Walker, CBC News). Comments made towards this little girl were unnecessary and so hurtful, that it made me hurt for her as well.

Unfortunately, cases like this are not uncommon. Bullying is still a major issue not just in elementary schools but also in high schools, universities and even in workplaces.

As someone who has been bullied before for various reasons ranging from physical appearance, ethnicity, religion and even the people I hang out with, it has impacted me in a way that changed my life. Obviously, the feeling is not great when you are in the situation, and even in the months and years after, it still affects you. It has been nearly 4 years and yet, the wounds and scars still remain whenever I read about incidents like this.

Bullies have altered my life and have taken my ability to remain care free and replaced it with constant fear. At the present, I realize now that if I continue to live in the way that I used to - filled with constant depression, anxiety and fear - then I have let them win. I have become their victim. Not to belittle my own or anyone else's situation, but we must stay strong. We must stand up for what is right, and that is to prevent other people from going through what this 9 year old did.

This life experienced changed me for the better, even though I could not see so at first. Without them, I would not be the strong person I am today. I would not be able to take on the bigger challenges that life throws at me. I would not be so passionate about the whole issue of bullying without them.

I urge you all to take a stand. Pink shirt day should not just be a one day thing where people just wear pink shirts; rather, it should be every day, even when you are not wearing a pink shirt. I admit, sometimes it is difficult even for me to stand up to people and tell them to stop. I know full well that being a bystander is just as bad as being a bully, because you are choosing to turn a blind eye and let it happen. I hope that, even though no one maybe doing it, remember that it is the right thing to stand up. You could save someone's life.

On that note, I realize that it is worrisome. What if no one backs you up? What if you get made fun of? What if you become the next victim? Maybe you are the one that will prevent this from happening again. Maybe you will be the first person that initiates the right thing, something that others want to do but are too afraid to. Maybe you will be the one that turns the victim's life around and helps the bully to realize the error in their ways.

Bullying is not an issue of people not being able to defend themselves, or not being able to conform to society, or because people are just mean. Bullying is an issue because majority of the time, we just let it happen. Something that seems so difficult to fix actually has a simple answer - we just need to put time and effort into correcting it. As mentioned earlier, it will not change over night, but if we speak up every day, change will come. Change will happen, and it will be change for the better.

I hope that in time to come, bullying will not be an issue anymore. 

Until then, take a stand, speak up, and spill some more ink.

The Wisdom of a 10 Year Old

They say that as you age, you become more mature and learn more. Therefore, as the saying goes, you should theoretically be wiser as you get older. For many this is the case: look at our grandparents. Look at our parents. Look at the ones that we depend on for help and counsel in our times of need.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with an interesting young soul who, in my mind, had a very mature sense of direction. Only 10 years old, she carried herself with poise and grace. She was able to greet many people by name and was very eloquently put.

With short blonde hair and grey-green eyes, she is beautiful. Her smile is radiant and the way she talks commands attention from whoever she speaks to. Perhaps it is the confidence in her voice, or maybe just how adorable she looks. Nevertheless, I cannot look away.

While munching on cookies she asked me and my best friend if we had any problems. "I am a very good problem solver," she said to us. "I helped the last few people with theirs. They said that their problems were really, really hard, but I solved them."

I seriously considered her question. Did I have any problems? Life problems? Relationship problems? Friendship problems?

I did not say anything right away, but eventually I cracked in the silence. What harm is there in talking to a 10 year old? I asked myself. I have nothing to lose. I only have innocence and wisdom to gain.

So out poured my so called problems and dilemmas, all of which had sat in my mind for days and days only to be turned and overturned and ignored in hopes that they would disappear on their own. I told her all about the stresses that I had of the future, the hurt that I felt from a love lost, and the confusion that I felt from a situation that was going south faster than I could keep up with.

She listened patiently (yet another thing I admired of this young one) and waited until I was completely finished talking. As I drew in another breath, I suddenly felt nervous. But why was I nervous? Why did I feel the anxiety that I did after I told a 10 year old all my fears and problems?

She blinked a couple times and drew in a breath of her own. "This is tricky," she mused, munching on yet another cookie. As she chewed she stared past me out the window. "I've never had a boyfriend before, but I think that this is something you need to tell him. Talk to him. You don't talk to him enough. Maybe he wants you to talk to him. Boys are weird like that. Girls have to do everything," she said, rolling her eyes.

With all the short bursts of words and sentences, I realized that everything she was saying was in fact correct. I was hiding. I was not talking or expressing how I felt. I was bottling up everything inside.

Didn't I post something on this last time? Yeah, I think I did. And here I am, still not understanding the picture.

After our conversation I felt more at ease and lighter, as if a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. This was something I could easily solve on my own, yet, I had to wait for someone else to tell me. Someone that was 10 years old.

This young girl had all the wisdom and patience I wish I had. I wish that I did not think so much and simplified things. I find that as I get older, I find bigger and better ways to over complicate things for myself, adding unnecessary stress and anxiety to my life.

Thinking back to my 10 year old self, I probably was not as graceful and poised as this girl, but I am thankful that I was able to spend time with one that was able to clear my mind and help me with my problems. I sincerely hope that we remember not to discount the young ones, because sometimes, the younger ones are the ones that are the wisest. I will miss this girl.

Take it easy everyone. Talk to some youngsters, take a breath and spill some ink while you're at it.

My Own Purple

What does it truly mean to be loved?

As teenagers with raging hormones, the feelings of "acceptance", "love", "friendship" and "belonging" are all feelings that seem to always be on the forefronts of our minds. We're always striving to find ways for people to like us for what we can offer rather than who we truly are. We always hide behind the facade of "this is who I want the world to see me as" rather than living life as ourselves.

Because really, who else can do ourselves justice than... ourselves?

This has been a topic of major confusion and frustration in my life in the past several months. As a young kid I never really found a place in the social ladder that we call school. I was never a cool kid - I was usually the kid that liked to read over speak, I was terrible at sports and therefore usually picked last to be on any team and I had a hard time voicing my opinions in fear of being judged. Growing up never makes it easier, as I seemed to grow more and more into my introverted personality.

However, many people that know me well call me a walking oxymoron - yes, my parts of my personality contradicts other parts of my personality.

I am as loud as I am soft; I am as outgoing as I am shy. But one thing is for certain: I still do not really know where I belong in the world.

Why is it so important that we find a niche - a place to call our own?

The feeling of loneliness eats at my soul sometimes, and yet, sometimes loneliness is the one thing that I need to escape the realities of the world. I am trying to find people that accept me for me. I want to find people that like me for who I am and people that can be themselves around me.

Why is it that I feel like I have to pretend to get people to like me?

It's more time consuming, as I am starting to realize now, to please everyone. The reality of life is that not everyone will get along with everyone else. Trying to please everyone may not make them like you, and in fact, it may cause you to lose yourself.

So why spend time pretending to be someone that you are not?

Why do we chase after love? It gives us a sense of belonging, of importance, of happiness. But maybe, we are all interpreting love in different ways, and maybe that is why we are all so confused.

Speaking for myself, I know that I tend to fall too quickly, trust too soon and take everything seriously. That is just who I am - when I meet someone that I can relate to and makes me feel comfortable, I want to share something special with them. I want to convince myself that this is a special person in my life. I want to see that this person feels the same way about me.

I have had the privilege to meet certain people that have given me the feelings of hope and happiness in the time that I had met them. These are people in my life that have given me the strength and the courage to carry on in my life.

There was once a boy that I met, who shall be named Purple (strange? maybe, but that's between us) that gave me this strength despite the short time we had known each other. Purple had a beautiful smile, one that made me forget all my troubles. He was wise and quiet and he gave the best hugs. Though he was older than me he never talked down at me. He made me feel equal to him, because, "we are really not that different in this world".

Unfortunately, or fortunately, Purple was introduced into my life very late. He was moving on to a different stage of his life, and I feared that the connection that we had made would be lost. The inevitable was coming: I was going to lose him.

As the time passed, it could be argued that we did lose each other. But at the same time, I am at peace. We have talked a couple times between then and now, and every time we do, it is almost as if we are picking up where we left off. He still sounds the same. His hugs I still yearn for and his smile will always make me weak in the knees. But I know that though he was not meant for me, he was introduced into my life for a purpose.

He gave me hope to keep going.

I hope that this year, we all find people like that in our life. I hope that this year, we become that special person in other peoples' lives. What is the purpose of life? It is to be happy and to live our lives to the full.

So what does it mean to be truly loved?

If you are happy with what you have, then you are already experiencing love. It may not always be about the grand gestures, the flowers, the love letters - maybe it's just a simple smile and encouraging words from your own "Purple".

And if that is all that it is, then I am experiencing an abundance of love already.

Love more, live through your love, and spill some more ink while you're at it.