Updates for God

Everything came together all at once.

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with close friends, meet new people and relax after midterms. But while I enjoyed the time that I spent with people, my mind was elsewhere: I was thinking of the best way to take a super awesome shot for my Instagram.

I say that this all comes together at once because this revelation that I had about my absenteeism in social situations came into my mind last night in a near tragic situation. Without going into too much detail, I nearly got into a car accident that had all the components of being fatal - but thankfully God was on my side and I walked away unharmed, just shaken.

On Facebook today, I read a Buzzfeed article about Essena O'Neil, an Australian Internet celebrity who recently quit many of her social media platforms after spending years building a huge Internet presence and empire. The reason why she quit was an admirable one: she saw that she was becoming consumed by this idea that she had to post "perfection" and "goal-worthy" pictures in order to be liked.

So how does this all relate?

In that split second where you have no control over the situations at hand and have no idea how it will all end, all the countless selfies, "candid" shots, #OOTD posts, aesthetic food shots... it means nothing at the end of the day.

(Stefan from SNL!! - from giphy.com)

Many people probably know that I have a large social media presence, from Facebook to Twitter, from Tumblr to this blog, from Instagram to contributing to other blogs and beyond. Lately everything that I post, especially when it comes to Instagram, has become very staged. And I too am beginning to realize, like Essena, that I am being consumed by this inner struggle of staging perfection to everyone else.

I am uploading more and more of my life to the outside world and not truly savouring the moment. I spend so much stressing out over getting the perfect shot that I forget to enjoy the company of those around me. But most of all, I am spending more time updating my life to others than I am to God.

God doesn't care about my tweets or my status updates or Instagram pics. He knows everything that I will do before I even do it, so He doesn't need any social media updates of any kind. But what He does want is to foster a deeper relationship with me - and you!

Lately, filters have taken priority over contemplation and prayer. I spend time finding the perfect picture to post, but what about spending time finding the perfect way to live in His image? While God doesn't need updates throughout the day, He does appreciate the time that we spend in silence and time spent talking to Him about our troubles, our worries, but our joys and sources of happiness as well. And these are the worthwhile "updates" that He wants to hear!

(Betty White is awesome. from giphy.com)

After the moment of impact yesterday, I realized all too abruptly that our life can be taken away from us without warning. While I probably won't be quitting all social media anytime soon, I know that I will spend even more time taking care of myself and updating God even more than I update my social media. You will still probably see more food shots for my food blog, selfies from time to time and very meticulous and thought out posts, but I know now that my focus should not be on trying to seem perfect.

On that note, never feel like your life is not interesting enough. Everyone's life is unique and wonderful, and we need to take advantage of the opportunities that we have and engage in the world around us. Because if we don't, our life will pass us by without warning.

Until next time,

x R

"Love is Not Disposable"

Lately I have been taking transit a whole lot because of school, but sometimes I bring it upon myself because I want to go downtown and I am probably going to die driving down there myself. But while transit is sometimes incredibly annoying, one of the more interesting parts of it is people-watching and listening. I can hear my mom saying "you mean eavesdropping?" as she reads this, but let me be clear: as long as you don't react, you're fine. Just take it all in like a sponge but keep your face neutral, regardless of how you feel.

But let's be really honest: sometimes people are not discreet about their dealings and wheelings on transit. Case to point: my transit ride back into Surrey on Monday.

As I stepped onto the Skytrain on Monday afternoon I could already sense something different. But nothing looked out of the ordinary so I just shrugged it off and took a seat. And that was when I realized what was wrong.

From where I was sitting I was facing a young couple who didn't look very couple-y anymore. In fact, I think they were breaking up. I say that because I saw tears and a guy and a girl looking out at opposite sides. They had their backs turned and no words were said. The train began to move.

The whirring of the train picking up momentum must have given the guy the courage to say something, but being that I didn't want to overly eavesdrop or seem too interested I couldn't hear what he said to her. Clearly whatever he did say really made her upset, because she whirled around and said incredibly loudly, "I was your girlfriend. We were in love and you went behind my back. Our love isn't disposable."

And then silence for the rest of the ride until I made it to Columbia. The couple (ex-couple?) stayed on, so I have no idea what happened to them. Hopefully they were able to work something out.

I can only speculate that they were once a couple and then he unfortunately did something that she probably constitutes as cheating.

That's it. That's all I got.

The power in those 4 words hit me. At first I thought, obviously! You don't just throw love away! You work through your problems. You talk it out with your significant other. You have to try your best to work through and push through.

(giphy.com)
                            

Though I haven't been in a relationship for a while, I can somewhat remember the feelings as you go through it.

At the beginning everything is new and exciting and you want to do everything together. Separation sucks, even if it's just for a couple hours. I believe wiser adults have called it the "honeymoon phase".

But it's what comes after that that truly counts. Sure, the first month and a bit will probably be the most fun that you ever have with this person. But once you get to that point where it seems like there is no more fun left to be had, then what do you do? You begin to look commitment in the face: is this really something that you want? Do you really see yourself with this person? Do you really love this person?

Hell, do you even know this person?

It seems like a dumb question to ask, considering that you spent the past month and a half texting them every day, every waking hour of the day, pulling an The Fault in our Stars-esque telephone scene and going out on as many dates as possible.

(giphy.com)

After the honeymoon phase, the blinders come off and you are face to face with this person that you are dating. You begin to see the flaws that he or she may have, little quirks that you didn't know were there before and some things even begin to bother you. For example, it was only after the honeymoon phase that I realized that the guy that I was with said "like" way more than I did. So, like, it would, like, totally, like, interject into, like, his, like, sentences like this. It became so distracting, and the more that I heard it, the more I began to resent it and him.

Now this is where my problem, and I'm sure many other people's, problems begin. At this point, the classic break up line of "you changed" can always be pulled out. I know because it was once used against me. But the thing is that in a relationship, both people change after the honeymoon phase, not just one. We don't think of ourselves as changing because we think we know ourselves really well. But it isn't until we are on the outside looking at ourselves that we realize that we did indeed change.

My problem growing up was that I couldn't accept this change. The dynamics in the relationship suddenly shifted and it was almost as if I was dating someone completely different. For all I know, my boyfriend(s) at the time probably felt the same way about me. So what did I do? Instead of facing the commitment and moving forward with a guy, I ran in the opposite direction. My love became disposable.

And this was how it went for me for most of my high school life. I stayed with a guy until I started to feel a slight change, and then that was it, sayonara my friend.

In retrospect, I realize now that I gave up some pretty incredible guys that were willingly ready to put up with me. And I gave them up because of some really minor things.

If we threw away all of our hobbies because they suddenly changed and got too hard, none of us would be good at anything - we would just be mediocre at a lot of things.

In the same way, our relationships will reach difficult points. I'm learning now that it's not always a bed of roses and that thorns exist. But running from our problems and not being serious about our relationships turns love into something that can be disposable and not valued. Similarly, we won't have life giving relationships, just a lot of mediocrity and what-if's.

I'm not saying that dating other people is wrong. It's the only way that you will truly see if that person is a fit for you. But if you are starting to see potential in this person, take time in developing a relationship where you both learn  about each other and from each other. Having a solid foundation that is built on trust, respect and knowledge will help you to withstand the test of time. You will bring truth to your relationship and be a guiding light for others.

(One of my favourite movies!! - giphy.com)

 In closing, the four words that the girl said above to her boyfriend hit home for me, in part because of everything that I just listed but also because it was used, in an opposite meaning, against me. I was with a guy who, when he broke up with me, said to me that,

        I don't think I can date you because you changed. I wanna throw this love away because of that change. I wanna to start over with someone new.                              - the ex

Yeah, okay. And yes, he too was the one that said to me "you changed".

Not only does this sound like a poorly written, teenage angst filled breakup ballad, but the truth is this guy, held a mirror up to me and showed me exactly everything that I had done up until that point. So in many ways, I guess I deserved it.

So thanks for breaking up with me and showing me what love shouldn't be.

Love shouldn't be disposable.

Until next time,

x R

                     

Rachel Reacts: Family Reunions (And Other Things)

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've done this tag, in part because of midterms taking over my life and focus. But I'm back, and I hope to do this more often instead of weeks and weeks in between, so let's role:

1/ ... Family Reunions

Yup, we're cool.

I love family reunions, especially because most of my family is over in Hong Kong and Singapore. It's not every day that I get to connect with my extended family unless it is over phone, text, Facebook or Skype. So the time I get to spend with them is super valuable, and luckily we were able to have a massive family reunion this past summer in Vancouver and Whistler. 

But what if there was a law banning you from seeing your family? This is what is happening in the Koreas, which are technically - and I did not know this - still at war., due to the fact that the Korean War ended on an armistice and not a Peace Agreement. Last week, many families from South Korea traveled to North Korea to have a visit with family members who were living there. After the Korean war, people that lived in North Korea were forbidden to leave to South Korea and also have no contact with their loved ones. These reunions have been happening on and off since 1988, depending on the relations between the two countries. The last one happened in February 2014.

And how are the families selected? As it turns out, South Koreans have to enter into a lottery to be selected, taking into consideration health and age, while North Koreans are selected on their loyalty to the government. Many of these people have not seen their family in decades, and they bring with them gifts such as money, toiletries, clothing and food. Reading about this made me incredibly sad at how families could be divided like this because of war and turmoil. Some will never get the opportunity to see their families again, and those reunited cannot bring loved ones back with them. In our society we take family for granted, but seeing what these Koreans go through, we have nothing to complain about. 

2/ ... Trudeau and #elxn42

(source)

                     

This React piece would not be complete without taking about our new Prime Minister to be, Justin Trudeau. I am not surprised by this outcome at all, and frankly I would have been even more surprised if Harper was re-elected. But this shows how great the youth vote was able to swing the results. The number of people voting in this election rose significantly, with many once Conservative ridings becoming Liberal. Indeed, the "red wave" swept into Western Canada from the Atlantic. But a couple things stood out to me. One is the significance at the fact that the Atlantic Canada results were released so early, as in, way before the polls were even closed to closing in BC. I don't know if that had any impact on the voting out here. It could be that if the results were held until our polls closed that even more people would have come out to vote. Just a thought.

But in terms of Trudeau, I am interested to see if he will hold up his end of the promises on issues such as the fight against ISIS and pulling out Canadian troops, taxing the wealthier members of society, the pipeline, and investing in much needed infrastructure. And of course, the flip side, is how he and his government will be able to pay off the deficit that he is planning to run from the beginning.

Other than that, he does have great hair and, he spent the morning after the election greeting people in a Montreal subway station!

3/ ... Hate Crime

(giphy,com)

                         

This past Thursday Sweden faced a tragedy that can only be described as a violent act against a certain race. A 21 year old walked through a school and violently stabbed those who he identified as having dark skin. He killed a teacher and a student and injured several others before being shot by police. This school in particular is known for having foreign born students. This happens in the light of an explosion immigrants coming into Europe to escape war torn areas in the Middle East. 

The scary thing is that racism and hate crimes are not just happening in other parts of the world, but here in Canada as well. In my education class we spent some time discussing Aboriginal culture and education, and I was surprised to find that there is still a major prejudice against Aboriginal students in our school systems, not just between students but also from teachers. It's sad that we still shame other groups that are not like us and that violence ensues because of difference. This doesn't bring us forward; it only pushes us back.

4/ ... Vice President Biden

(giphy.com)

On Wednesday Vice President Joe Biden announced that he will not be running as a Democratic candidate in the American election slated to happen one year from now, citing his son's death as one of the key reasons. This comes after an extra podium was set up for him during the Democratic candidates debate, in case he decided to run as well. I always liked Biden and how happy he always is. He's been in American politics for a very long time, so I feel that it probably is for the best that he doesn't run just because of age. He is, after all, 72 years old. But then again, front runner and former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton is 67 years old and other front runner Bernie Sanders is 74. I guess if you really want something bad enough, you can go after it at any age. Does this mark the end of VP Biden's time in politics? I guess we'll find out soon enough.

5/ ... Midterms

(giphy.com)

No comment. Just kidding.

All I have to say is that midterms come at the blink of an eye. You think you're just getting started and just getting settled in and all of a sudden week 7 shows up and you are studying into the early morning and drinking a lot of coffee. It's a fun time. So for anyone who is going into university in the coming years or is still unsure of how this process works, be on guard at all times. Time is just an illusion, and we really don't have that much time. And the same goes for assignments and final exams: you think that after you do your midterm you have a lot of time to finish your paper and study for your midterm. But judging by how quickly the first half of the semester goes, the same will happen here. 

I know this because I made that mistake - learn from my shortcomings! Manage your time well!

That's all from me! Hope to do this more often than not. Also, I've done a lot of work with my site so please check that out, and if you're always hungry like I am, I would be super grateful if you check out my food blog! It's slowed down a bit because of school, but I hope to keep it up as much as possible.

Until next time,

x R

Bieber and His Philosophical Song

I never thought that a Justin Bieber song would get me thinking so deeply. Well played, Bieber.

If you haven't heard already, Bieber's latest song "What Do You Mean" literally calls out every single indecisive person, which is almost everyone at some point.

Though I am not a Bieber fan, I must admit that the song is not only catchy and infectious but it also draws an interesting point. What does he mean with this song? I can imagine him saying this to his current girl du jour, who is probably an indecisive person as well. 

As humans we have this amazing power to manipulate our words to the point where there is a massive disconnect between what we say and how we say it, or how we portray it. I am only starting to realize how eerily close this sounds to my mom, but I suppose there is a lot of validity to it.

The truth is, it's not just a girl thing or just a guy thing. We are all indecisive and manipulative creatures. We don't really know what we want or what we mean. When I first heard this song, I got really defensive and offended against his lyrics: "What do you mean / when you nod your head yes, but you're telling me no". I kept telling myself that I don't do that. To quote James 5:12, "Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no', 'no'". Such simple words really shouldn't be manipulated, but the more I thought about it, I began to crumple at the fact that my 'yes' wasn't truly a 'yes'.

I spent a lot of time in immature relationships where I was incredibly immature and indecisive. I craved the attention and the "love" that a boyfriend could offer me, but I also wanted space and independence. At the beginning of relationships, when everything is so young and new, all I wanted to do was to spend every waking moment with my boyfriend. As the relationship progressed I began to feel choked and craved space. But when I felt my importance in his life begin to fade, I would start to act out and start pulling these one liners that Bieber is complaining about in his song: "You want me to stay, but you're telling me to go." Looking back on my experiences now, I was pretty much a nightmare. I wanted these boys to be mine, but I wanted them to make sure that they knew that I had a life. At the same time, they couldn't have a life. And if I couldn't have them, no one could.

I SHAKE MY HEAD at my young and naive thinking. And unfortunately, this phenomenon of opposite meaning is growing and growing.

(giphy.com)

                                 

The growing use of social media and communication through screens has perpetuated bit of a problem on our hands, literally. It is so difficult to detect sarcasm or "true meanings" when you are texting, and yet so many people still choose to communicate mostly through text. I am totally guilty of this, and I don't think that my habits will ever change. But at the same time, I value the realness that face to face conversation brings us.

I began my studies in communications this year at school, and I have to say that it is quite fascinating to learn about how we communicate. The reason that oral culture, or speaking face to face, is regarded as "more real" is purely out of the fact that we can learn so much more from what the other person is saying. When you see the person, you can really hear their intonation: the way their voice goes up or down, added emphasis on certain words or phrases. You can also watch their body language, which tells us so much more than the words they say. You can see their facial expression change as the words are said and more words are heard. Obviously none of this is really possible when you are texting. You can't here the inflection in their voice or see their fists clench up or eyes draw downwards. We are constantly left guessing and interpreting texts. What do they mean? Are they joking, or are they actually serious?

This is why there is such a great need for oral culture to exist. Can you imagine if wedding vows were done via text message? The thought of it sounds absurd - but yet, it seems so possible. Certain institutions, like that of marriage, still remain as something that requires face to face communication to show emotion and sincerity. The same goes with apologies, or breaking up with someone. I guess that's why I get so upset when people apologize over a text message, or break up with someone via a Facebook message. Where is the sincerity? You just typed two words and sent them into the universe. It is so easy, almost too easy, to escape from your responsibility. I'm not saying that we shame people when they apologize in person. Apologizing in person and breaking up in person is something very, very difficult to do - I've been there both times. At the same time, I have been apologized to and broken up with over text messages, and they both hurt immensely. There is no closure or realness to it. When you do these things over text, even something as simple as "I'm sorry" or "it's over" can be left to interpretation - especially when your emotions are running high and your mind is running at a million miles a minute.

(giphy.com)

All of these seems so simple, and yet we constantly see fights happening over miscommunication and misunderstandings. We need to make sure that we know exactly what we mean before we say (or post.. or text) anything. In a world where our minds are so hyperactive and is constantly being bombarded with information, we have become almost "philosophical" in a way that constantly over think everything. 

It's going to be difficult for me to dial back my over thinking mind and relying less on text conversations, but I hope that we all wake up and find a happy medium, somehow.

So thank you Justin Bieber, for spurring these thoughts inside of me. Keep having face to face conversations - they were the original way to socialize!

PS - I promise to have a Rachel Reacts up soon!! Thanks for bearing with me!

Until next time,

x R

Rachel Reacts: Body Shaming (And Other Things)

Hey everyone, sorry for the hiatus! School is now back in session and it's been really weird, getting back into the flow of going to school and studying after I had been off for over 4 months. While I know that my time will be taken up by school, music, work and other activities, I wanted to make sure that I continually write, whether it be contributing to various blogs, writing poetry and of course, writing here! I also wanted to make it a habit of keeping up with current events and what is going on around me, which is why I am starting this new "section" or "tag" entitled "Rachel Reacts". This is basically me continually writing while keeping up with what is happening around me, even if that means keeping up with the Kardashians (but I promise I won't bore you with that stuff!)

I aim to be doing this every other week as consistently and humanly possible. Each time I will go over 5 things that I have read, watched, or stumbled across. For the most part, it is really  opinions on current events, popular culture and life in general, but I will try and throw some fun in there as well.

Without further ado, I present to you the first installment of Rachel Reacts to...

1/ ... Body Shaming

(from giphy.com)

 My initial thought to this? It sucks. The whole concept sucks and should cease to exist. We unfortunately live in a society where our looks dictate the kind of success that we will attain in life. Why should our size matter? Why should our skin colour matter? Why do people care how I dress, what size jeans I wear, or whether or not my eyebrows are on point? Are we as humans really this shallow? I bring this up because I, like many, have watched Canadian comedian Nicole Arbour's video "Dear Fat People". In it, she explicitly calls out fat people for being the way that they are, and that they are bigger in size because of laziness. It was extremely uncomfortable to watch, but I guess in some ways it was like a car accident, you can't stop watching it. And the worst part? When confronted about the video, she calls YouTube out on "censoring" her and plays it off like the entire thing is a satire. Hate is not the same thing as satire, my dear. We can't judge people based on physical appearance. Whether you are fat, skinny, tall or short, love yourself. Your confidence is your most beautiful asset, and you are so, so loved.

Note: the video has explicit language. 


2/  ... Election 42

(forums.canadiancontent.net)

I am a 19 year old Canadian citizen. I am allowed to vote in the upcoming federal election. But this three way race between Harper, Trudeau and Mulcair (and let's not forget Green Party Leader Elizabeth May) has left me more confused than ever. Admittedly, I have no idea who to vote for. My understanding on the issues is, in a word, limited. I have conflicting thoughts and voices in my head with flying words like "deficit" and "taxes" and "free tuition" (wait, free tuition?) and "he's just not ready." I'll tell you who else is not ready: me. I guess we'll see where this goes and who I'll be voting for next month.

3/ ... The Ongoing SFU vs. UBC Competition

(forum.canucks.com)

I am proud to be an SFU student. I also have many reasons as to why I chose to go to SFU to pursue my post secondary education over other post secondary institutions like UBC. But I really can't wrap my head around the ever present misconception that UBC is better than SFU. I have high respect for people that go there and for people that have graduated from UBC - it is a great school, no doubt, ranking at number 40 on the 2015 Academic Ranking of World Universities . In terms of strictly Canadian universities, UBC comes in at second place just after the University of Toronto. SFU comes in at number 10. But at the end of the day, do these rankings and numbers really matter? I think that we should all focus on what is ahead of us - that is, work hard at your degree, regardless of where you are studying. In the end, all the doctors have goals to help the same patients. The engineers will be working on our city structures. The journalists will be reporting on the same issues. Work hard and succeed; don't let rankings and expectations bog you down. As long as you do your best, you will find your niche, succeed and get your degree.

4/ ... "I'm Fine"

(giphy.com)

Are you? Are you really? The simple phrase of "I'm fine" has become a cultural phenomenon that literally has begun to mean the opposite of what it is. It is probably the most common little white lie that people use, sometimes subconsciously, on a daily basis. I know that as a girl, I am totally guilty of saying that even though I am not. I guess in some respects, we say "I'm fine" because we are seeking attention. We want people to pry into our lives and figure out what is wrong, all while keeping ourselves guarded and not letting anyone else in. I realize now the frustrations that this can bring about. I am currently dealing with someone who used that against me last week - saying that they are fine and all - but it is so obvious that they aren't. The one thing that my two classes of communications has taught me that our non-verbal communication is so much greater than our verbal, making the phrase "I'm fine" total BS if we can't portray that in our body language. I get it though, sometimes we just don't want to talk. But I hope my friend knows that I'm available to talk and offer support. And if I offended him, that I'm sorry. And if he is having a bad day, then I hope that things get better.

5/ ... Pumpkin Spice Lattes

(giphy.com)

YES. It's Pumpkin Spice Latte season!! And I have no shame in admitting that I love them. I guess it's because I love cinnamon and allspice and all those lovely fall spices. My love for pumpkin pie actually came from this drink, no joke. You can get it hot or in frappe form... and the best part? You can even get it iced! Now, do yourself a favour and get yourself one...and click the link on the title!

That's all from me! I'll try my hardest to make this a bi-weekly thing and continue to write, but until then, I'll be enjoying Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

Love yourself and be kind!

x R

Self-Conscious, Superficial and Insecure

Just to recap, the Lower Mainland was hit with a massive wind and rain storm that left many people without power for the whole weekend. My family was included in that power outage. But, to add to our misadventures, we couldn't get back into our house, leaving us to stay with my godmother for the night.

Obviously, the situation is not ideal. We were caught off guard, with only the clothes on our backs and the money in our wallets. Thankfully, everything resolved itself and we were all safe. I am so thankful that my godmother had let us stay with her overnight and that we had friends to help us get back into our home so that we didn't have to wander around town another night.

But I came to a revelation, a small but sad one.

I didn't know that blustery wind and the torrential downpour would result in a whirlwind weekend excursion when I woke up on Saturday morning. As we went through the day, everything was going fine until I got ready to go to sleep that night.

I realized that I had no make up to wear the next day.

(from giphy.com)

And yes, you have my permission to scoff at my superficiality and non-existent fears. But hear me out.

I woke up the next morning with red splotches, acne scars and barely there eye brows. I was so used to relying on a little moisturizer, foundation and an eyebrow pencil to wake up my face. Unfortunately for me, my morning routine was cut short as I brushed my teeth and hair.

So I walked through my day - church, lunch, walk with my godmother and the mall - and felt self conscious about everything. My eyebrows were invisible. My acne scars were larger than they were. The redness was not going away. My skin looks dry and I look incredibly tired.

But after my fifth bout of feeling sorry for myself and looking at myself in the mirror, I began to realize how incredibly superficial I was being.

My personality and who I am is not defined by how flawless my face looks. I define myself through what I say and how I act. I should be proud and confident in myself, make up or not.

And I suppose this is where my insecurity lies. I still am dependent on make up to make me feel better about myself. This is not to say that I am hating on make up or not wearing it ever again - you have no idea how happy I was to have it available to me this morning. But on the flip side, make up should be a nice to have and a way to enhance my natural features, not my lifeline. 

(AMIRIGHT?! - from giphy.com)

Being so exposed to social media and pop culture on a daily basis, it is easy to be persuaded that you are not good enough or that you need to be like the models in magazines or on TV to feel good about myself. It is easy to complain about our "flaw-ful" features and compare it to that of the unattainable and somewhat impossible standards that the media has bombarded us with.

Adding to my shame, I remember a video that I saw on Facebook about a Youtuber who runs a make up channel, My Pale Skin. There was a video that was titled something shocking - "You Look Disgusting" - and it tugged at my heartstrings and my attention.

The video came about when this girl named Em began posting no make up pictures of herself to her social media. This resulted in mean comments directed at her, along the lines of "you look disgusting", "you are so ugly", and other nasty stuff like that. But even when she does her make up - and she looks beautiful regardless - the comments (which are pulled from her social media) continue to take a disrespectful turn.

How superficial are we as a society? How demanding and self-centered are we? The standards that we have come to swear by are impossible, and we not only hold each other to such standards but ourselves as well. It has become a never ending race to becoming the perfect human being.

But here's the thing - we may not be perfect, and perhaps never will be. At the same time, though, we are perfect in our own ways.

This is a struggle for me to live with everyday, because I am my own worst critic. I tell myself that I need to lose weight, tone my arms, and learn how to apply makeup better. But all of this self-deprecation becomes tiring and worse, is unhealthy for me. And it's unhealthy for you too!

Being healthy, living and breathing should be the things in life that we are grateful for. If we are not truly happy about that, is there anything in life that we can truly be happy about?

Keep using makeup and making yourself look pretty, but remind yourself that it's not the be all or end all. And as cliched as this sounds, you are amazing, just the way you are.

Thanks, Bruno Mars.

Here is the video from My Pale Skin - while it is difficult to watch, it definitely is a must see:

x R

How One Guy Changed My World

"Don't let love change you, let it help you to grow and change from the growth." 

I heard that somewhere before, and it always resonated with me. Now for the life of me, I can't remember where I got it from. However, I never really understood it until I met one boy that changed me - literally.

I grew up with a bit of an inferiority complex, that most likely came about from childhood bullying. This inferiority complex left me anxious, confused, and always seeking approval. At the same time, I always wanted attention. Because of this "approval seeking", in essence I was always changing myself so that I could blend in. I could be part of the "in crowd" and be what everyone else wanted me to be.

This led me through a maze of phases: label conscious, angry rebel goth, someone who didn't have a care in the world and someone who didn't give a damn about the world. I was changing, but I wasn't growing. This all culminated in disrespect for myself.

Enter Daniel*.

At 17 my life was split down the middle. I was stuck between being comfortable in my own skin and craving attention and change. I was angry, but I didn't know why. But all this changed when Daniel stepped into my life.

I met Daniel in the summer time, and yes, I give you full permission to roll your eyes at this "summer fling", because quite simply, that is what Daniel and I had. But of course, at 17 you don't think about those things. You see beyond the imperfections and the impracticalities. 

I thought that Daniel was perfect, and I thought that he and I were invincible.

Just two weeks into our relationship we already planned out how our senior year was going to work since we didn't go to the same school. He would get his license first and come to see me, and once I got mine, we could go to all the places we wanted to go to, splitting the drives.

Daniel, at first, made me feel special. All this inferiority complex stuff? It didn't exist when I was with him. He put me first, he took care of me, and best of all, he told me every night that he loved me. 

At least, I thought he did.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and I see now that I was left with a false sense of security when I was around him. Thinking that my inferiority complex was gone was actually false - it was actually worse than it ever was.

Daniel changed me, beginning with my friends. As our relationship began to progress, our activities went from large groups to small groups, and from small groups to even smaller groups, to the point where we were alone most of the time. And being alone wasn't really the issue - in fact, I enjoyed the privacy from time to time. But the fact that he wanted to be alone with me - and only me - at all times was suffocating at times. When I wanted to hang out with other people, he would question my fidelity. If I was tired, he would ask whether or not I really loved him.

So I followed, and the inferiority complex followed close behind. I wanted his approval. I had his "love", and I wanted his approval even more.

But what I failed to see was his double standard - when he wanted to do something with his friends and I complained, he called me whiny, When he was tired and I asked, he called me needy.

Even with these inconsistencies, I listened and followed. And this continued even as his character changed further, to the point where I made a 180 turn. I changed and changed until Daniel showed his ugly side.

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Daniel loved to drink and party. Drinking led to getting drunk, and getting drunk left Daniel emboldened to experiment new things. He would try his luck at touching me, making moves and getting me to drink. Worst of all, he tried to make me have sex with him.

For the first time, I said no to him. Saying no to him, in the long run, was the best thing that I could ever do. However, at the time, it was a nightmare.

Daniel clearly did not like the word no. In fact, he probably never heard that word before. But saying no to him and standing up to him made him upset, so upset to the point that he had begun to hurt me, physically and emotionally. He called me unfaithful, useless, and unloving. And even worse was the fact that I let this happen. We got into the vicious cycle of fighting, taking breaks and getting back together again, never really discussing our differences, or what hurt me the most, or our expectations. We continued to sweep things under the rug, pretending like nothing happened after we kissed and made up (literally). But the ugly pile of discrepancies continued to pile and pile until one day, he had enough with his pathetic girlfriend.

He told me that he started dating me because he wanted something more in a relationship that his previous girlfriend didn't give him. He wanted physicality. He wanted sex. And at that moment, I realized that we had nothing in common other than the fact that we breathed the same air and we were both right handed.

All of the commonalities that I thought we had were suddenly forced and non-existent. It was reminiscent to the times when I feel desperate to come up with things in common in a Venn diagram at school: I can bullshit all I want, but at the end of the day, my grade will still be mediocre. But somehow, in my mind, none of that mattered until he outright told me what he wanted. And that was something that I never asked for, partially because I wanted to give him benefit of the doubt, but also because I was afraid. I was afraid that he was going to pass me by once I told him what I wanted and what I valued.

Shortly after, he broke up with me, citing "irreconcilable differences" and the fact that I wasn't "fulfilling the physical needs of a relationship". Sad but true, and despite the fact that I knew that he was bad for me, I was hurt beyond belief. I missed him, but at the same time, At the time I hated him for changing me, but even more, I hated myself for falling in love with him.

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I tell this story not for pity or for everyone to help me gang up and find Daniel so that I can beat him up. Daniel is a part of my past, and while unfortunate, has taught me something incredible valuable.

It took me a long time (about 18 months, to be honest), to forgive him. It took me just as long to forgive myself and learn that I, along with everyone else (even Daniel) deserves a person that will love you for who you are. And at the same time, people will naturally change - we all need to find a person that will not only change with us, but grow with us. Someone who facilitates our growth, and not hindering it.

Love is all about growing with one another, embracing the change and helping the other person become the best person that they can be. Stay true to yourself and know who you are first. Realize that change is healthy, but if someone is forcing you to do something that you aren't comfortable with or someone that you are not, then that person does not truly love you.

It may feel like the end of the world when you part ways with someone, but know that standing up for yourself will help you in the long run.

To this day, Daniel and I have never talked and I don't intend on ever doing so. But I thank him for helping me learn (the hard way) about how love is blind, but true love waits.

And I hope you remember that too - you are valuable and deserve the best in the world. Never settle for anything less, and never let people (or things) change you into someone that you are not.

x R

*Name changed