Change Needs More Than Slacktivism

Bell Let's Talk Day. Since 2010, the campaign has committed more than $100 million to mental health initiatives across Canada. In the past 6 years, initiatives such as this and Mental Health Awareness week has definitely helped to make gains in the fight against stigma. We are more educated and more aware than ever before.

But despite the gains that we have made, let's not pat ourselves on the back just yet.

Last year on this day, I discussed how an initiative such as Let's Talk Day .very important to me. Social media is a great thing in that, when used positively, it can helped to spread awareness at the touch of a finger. The better part is the fact that with every tweet or call made on the Bell network on this day, 5 cents will be donated to various mental health initiatives. This makes it easy for anyone to get behind an incredible cost with minimal cost to themselves.

At the same time, something like this makes it easy for anyone to get behind the same cost with minimal effort.

Enter: slactivism.

(Oh no, Ryan Gosling doesn't like slacktivism. From Giphy.) 

                                   
20 years ago, before social media even existed and the Internet was a figment of our imaginations, activism took the form of sit ins, rallies, lobbying, petitioning and protests. There were people that were devoted to a cause - women's rights, environmentalism, ending youth violence - and these people made it part of their life to fight for these causes.

The advent of hashtags and sharing articles on Facebook, it has become incredibly easy to learn about something, become temporarily moved or enraged, and then move on. In the sea of social media, it is sometimes difficult to differentiate between those that actually care and those that are just jumping onto the bandwagon. Hashtags like #BlackLivesMatter during the wake of police brutalities and shootings against African Americans in the United States and #JeSuisCharlie after the horrific shootings at the Charlie Hebdo offices in France brought major world incidents to life in an instantaneous fashion. Suddenly the entire world was able to connect and humanity was able to mourn together.

But simply hashtagging a cause 'just because' doesn't really do anything substantial. Even in a case like Bell Let's Talk, I know for a fact that my Twitter timeline will be flooded with #BellLetsTalk - I myself will be tweeting any chance I get. I'm not saying that what we are doing is wrong, but we need to remember that all of these causes extend just beyond the day itself. Activism and awareness should not just be a one day thing, it should be everyday.

A similar example comes with Pink Shirt Day and the quest to eliminate bullying from schools and workplaces. The students behind Pink Shirt Day were inspired to create this initiative in response to bullying that they saw against a male student who was wearing a pink shirt. Since its beginnings in 2007, Pink Shirt Day has been supported every year to raise awareness.

(Source)

The idea is a great one, and the cause is one that is so important, especially since bullying is such a prevalent issue in our schools and workplaces. But wearing a pink shirt for a day isn't going to solve anything in the long run, and neither is tweeting the hell out of a hashtag. Because if people fall back into their old ways after all the fanfare is over, then we are back to square one with nothing achieved. And unfortunately, this kind of behaviour happens more often than we'd like to think.

I'm not saying that we should boycott these initiatives. Obviously initiatives need to start somewhere, and this is how we get the discussions going.  We need to bring this dialogue into our homes, classrooms, and office spaces. It isn't enough to have an anti-bullying day - we need to have anti-bullying everyday.

"Activism and awareness should not just be a one day thing, it should be everyday."

We need to teach our students that every child has worth and value, regardless of ethnicity, religion, gender or socioeconomic status. We need to teach empathy and acceptance of their classmates, and themselves. We need to educate our students on the important issues of the day and about the world in which they live in - a world where violence and indifference does exist. We need to inspire these students that this violence and indifference doesn't have to exist if we take a stand together. That these students could be a generation where real change can happen.

But if we just resort to our little universes and strive after #squadgoals and just tweet things just to show other people that we actually care about current affairs, then our society will just plateau and go nowhere.

This year's Bell Let's Talk Day is on Wednesday, January 27. Definitely take part in the cause, because it's a great one. But also remember what the purpose is, what the discussions are surrounding the cause, and consider doing some research or engaging in open dialogue with others on the topic if you find passion in it. And it doesn't have to be mental health or bullying - whatever you care about and find passion in, I encourage you to learn more about it, see the different sides of the argument and see what you can do to help advance the cause.

Change needs more than slacktivism. Real change comes when we all come together and engage.

Let's change the world!

x R

How One Guy Changed My World

"Don't let love change you, let it help you to grow and change from the growth." 

I heard that somewhere before, and it always resonated with me. Now for the life of me, I can't remember where I got it from. However, I never really understood it until I met one boy that changed me - literally.

I grew up with a bit of an inferiority complex, that most likely came about from childhood bullying. This inferiority complex left me anxious, confused, and always seeking approval. At the same time, I always wanted attention. Because of this "approval seeking", in essence I was always changing myself so that I could blend in. I could be part of the "in crowd" and be what everyone else wanted me to be.

This led me through a maze of phases: label conscious, angry rebel goth, someone who didn't have a care in the world and someone who didn't give a damn about the world. I was changing, but I wasn't growing. This all culminated in disrespect for myself.

Enter Daniel*.

At 17 my life was split down the middle. I was stuck between being comfortable in my own skin and craving attention and change. I was angry, but I didn't know why. But all this changed when Daniel stepped into my life.

I met Daniel in the summer time, and yes, I give you full permission to roll your eyes at this "summer fling", because quite simply, that is what Daniel and I had. But of course, at 17 you don't think about those things. You see beyond the imperfections and the impracticalities. 

I thought that Daniel was perfect, and I thought that he and I were invincible.

Just two weeks into our relationship we already planned out how our senior year was going to work since we didn't go to the same school. He would get his license first and come to see me, and once I got mine, we could go to all the places we wanted to go to, splitting the drives.

Daniel, at first, made me feel special. All this inferiority complex stuff? It didn't exist when I was with him. He put me first, he took care of me, and best of all, he told me every night that he loved me. 

At least, I thought he did.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and I see now that I was left with a false sense of security when I was around him. Thinking that my inferiority complex was gone was actually false - it was actually worse than it ever was.

Daniel changed me, beginning with my friends. As our relationship began to progress, our activities went from large groups to small groups, and from small groups to even smaller groups, to the point where we were alone most of the time. And being alone wasn't really the issue - in fact, I enjoyed the privacy from time to time. But the fact that he wanted to be alone with me - and only me - at all times was suffocating at times. When I wanted to hang out with other people, he would question my fidelity. If I was tired, he would ask whether or not I really loved him.

So I followed, and the inferiority complex followed close behind. I wanted his approval. I had his "love", and I wanted his approval even more.

But what I failed to see was his double standard - when he wanted to do something with his friends and I complained, he called me whiny, When he was tired and I asked, he called me needy.

Even with these inconsistencies, I listened and followed. And this continued even as his character changed further, to the point where I made a 180 turn. I changed and changed until Daniel showed his ugly side.

(giphy.com)

         
Daniel loved to drink and party. Drinking led to getting drunk, and getting drunk left Daniel emboldened to experiment new things. He would try his luck at touching me, making moves and getting me to drink. Worst of all, he tried to make me have sex with him.

For the first time, I said no to him. Saying no to him, in the long run, was the best thing that I could ever do. However, at the time, it was a nightmare.

Daniel clearly did not like the word no. In fact, he probably never heard that word before. But saying no to him and standing up to him made him upset, so upset to the point that he had begun to hurt me, physically and emotionally. He called me unfaithful, useless, and unloving. And even worse was the fact that I let this happen. We got into the vicious cycle of fighting, taking breaks and getting back together again, never really discussing our differences, or what hurt me the most, or our expectations. We continued to sweep things under the rug, pretending like nothing happened after we kissed and made up (literally). But the ugly pile of discrepancies continued to pile and pile until one day, he had enough with his pathetic girlfriend.

He told me that he started dating me because he wanted something more in a relationship that his previous girlfriend didn't give him. He wanted physicality. He wanted sex. And at that moment, I realized that we had nothing in common other than the fact that we breathed the same air and we were both right handed.

All of the commonalities that I thought we had were suddenly forced and non-existent. It was reminiscent to the times when I feel desperate to come up with things in common in a Venn diagram at school: I can bullshit all I want, but at the end of the day, my grade will still be mediocre. But somehow, in my mind, none of that mattered until he outright told me what he wanted. And that was something that I never asked for, partially because I wanted to give him benefit of the doubt, but also because I was afraid. I was afraid that he was going to pass me by once I told him what I wanted and what I valued.

Shortly after, he broke up with me, citing "irreconcilable differences" and the fact that I wasn't "fulfilling the physical needs of a relationship". Sad but true, and despite the fact that I knew that he was bad for me, I was hurt beyond belief. I missed him, but at the same time, At the time I hated him for changing me, but even more, I hated myself for falling in love with him.

(giphy.com)

               
I tell this story not for pity or for everyone to help me gang up and find Daniel so that I can beat him up. Daniel is a part of my past, and while unfortunate, has taught me something incredible valuable.

It took me a long time (about 18 months, to be honest), to forgive him. It took me just as long to forgive myself and learn that I, along with everyone else (even Daniel) deserves a person that will love you for who you are. And at the same time, people will naturally change - we all need to find a person that will not only change with us, but grow with us. Someone who facilitates our growth, and not hindering it.

Love is all about growing with one another, embracing the change and helping the other person become the best person that they can be. Stay true to yourself and know who you are first. Realize that change is healthy, but if someone is forcing you to do something that you aren't comfortable with or someone that you are not, then that person does not truly love you.

It may feel like the end of the world when you part ways with someone, but know that standing up for yourself will help you in the long run.

To this day, Daniel and I have never talked and I don't intend on ever doing so. But I thank him for helping me learn (the hard way) about how love is blind, but true love waits.

And I hope you remember that too - you are valuable and deserve the best in the world. Never settle for anything less, and never let people (or things) change you into someone that you are not.

x R

*Name changed

Hello, 2015

It is incredibly strange to be writing this with the title as 2015. Where did 2014 go? It only seemed like yesterday that I was ringing in 2014 the way I usually do with my family. But one blink and 365 days have passed, with not one day wasted.

2014 was a good year.

So many trips, memories, friends made, achievements accomplished, and here we are with a new slate. Well, 2 days into a new slate.

I spent the remainder of the new year with my family in Las Vegas. While it is not the quietest place in the world, the crowds and the buzz of the city gave me energy to think and to keep going. I had the opportunity to see the Grand Canyon in Arizona. Climbing up a steep rock face to overlook everything was breathtaking, and it made me realize something really sobering:

Everyday, we get older. And every year, we get even older.

Now, I am not saying this to be cynical, to rain on your parade, or to point out the ever obvious truth because I just realized it, but because this truth that hangs above me is a constant reminder that life goes on, despite what went on that day, that month, or that year.

Life, fortunately or unfortunately, does not come with a remote that enables us to pause life when we screw up, rewind if we want to fix something or fast-forward suffering and adversity to better days. Life does not pause when we hit a rough patch and resume when the worst of it is over. Life continues to flow fluidly, day in and day out, with the good and the bad.

The Grand Canyon has undergone thousands of years of change to become what it is today, and even now it continues to change. We only have so many years to become who we are. We only have a select number of years to change with the experiences that we have had over the years to mold us into the person we ought to be.

Photo creds to my mom! Grand Canyon ponderings

Every year, people talk about new year's resolutions. We all make them and try to keep them. The reality is that sometimes, life gets in the way of keeping them. Temptation rises to prevent us from that goal of snacking once a day as opposed to three. New television series keep us glued to the TV instead of getting outside. Continued advancement of social media affects how we communicate with one another, and even with our loved ones.

This is why this year, I have no grand and sweeping resolutions that I cannot keep. I know for a fact that every year, I come up with something great (or, it sounds great) in January and by April, I have no idea what that resolution is.

Instead, this year I have a simple plan. The plan contains a single part, and that is what I need to do.

If a resolution means "a firm determination to do something", then here is what I firmly am determined to do:
- Practice piano every day for at least 45 minutes
- Exercise 3 times a week
- Pray every morning
- Spend less time on social media and more time studying or with friends/family
- Work every day to be a better person

All of these resolutions are set in place to help me achieve bigger plans, all of which I hope to accomplish within the course of this year. I challenge everyone to have SMART resolutions - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time based.

Look within yourself and see what you need to change in order to become a better version of yourself. With this change comes great responsibility, but after this comes the satisfaction of getting better and better every day.

So, what are your new year's plans?

To end off, I saw something cool on Tumblr last night as I was unpacking. And yes, I can multitask:

(Source: http://these-times-shall-pass.tumblr.com/post/106767379035)

So this year, aim high and aim for great things. Settle for nothing less than your best, and never be content with mediocrity. You are worth more than that!

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared us in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10

I wish everyone the happiest of new year's, despite this greeting being two days late. May your goals be achievable and your happiness great! Keep spilling ink while you do so!

x R 

"Your Manliness Turns Me Off"

A journey on Transit taught me so much.

I met a friend for lunch yesterday and then proceeded to run some errands and take a Transit journey to answer the question, "Can you get off the Millenium Line at Commercial-Broadway and walk over a bridge to get to the Expo Line? Because I see a little bridge thing on the map?..."

The answer is yes, by the way.

But taking this extra journey from Burnaby Mountain out to Commercial-Broadway gave me an opportunity to encounter three young men, also coming down from SFU.

I am going to leave it here by saying that they were each of different race and that I was not quite sure how old they were. After I got on the bus, these three young men walked on after me, really loud and obnoxiously and made their way over to the section I was sitting in. Sitting a couple rows away from me, they proceeded to talk about girls. Seemed normal enough, but their discussion was so loud that I could not help but tuning in, even with headphones in.

-"That girl at Saywell Hall was so skinny, but her rack was incredible."

-"Yeah, but did you see her thighs? Gross."

-"What do you care? You wouldn't have any guts to tell her to her face that her rack was incredible."

At this point I should mention that 1) I was furiously taking notes on my phone and 2) I was furiously seething at the fact that these guys had such a tasteless conversation all the way down the to the Skytrain. And just when I thought that I could escape from them, they followed the flurry of people onto the Skytrain, and got onto the same one that I did.

They got in the same car as me, and close to the door there was a girl, about my age or so, who was extremely beautiful. She was also very blessed in ways that would make other girls envious, and this caught the attention of the boys that sat across from her on the other side of the door, in front of me. Throughout their conversation of lewd comments and more objectification, two of them spent the better part of 10 minutes trying to get the other guy to go up to her and chat her up.

-"Talk about her eyes or rack or something. Yeah, her rack. Just do it, for us."

Whether he actually liked her or not, he finally went up at one stop and sat next to her. Since all three of them had not learned volume control since the bus down from SFU, it was evident that everyone sitting around them could hear him, and became uncomfortable.

-"Hey girl. You have pretty eyes and a smokin' rack. What's you're name and where are you going?"

The girl was clearly disgusted, but kept her composure. She turned to him and said, "I heard everything you were saying with your friends over there. Your manliness turns me off." She then got off and walked out of the train, leaving the other guy there. I watched as she walked to a Transit security guard, watching to see if any of the guys had gotten up and followed her.

This stunned the guy, stunned the two others, and made me want to give that girl a standing ovation.

The point I bring with this is not to condemn guys that talk about girls, because I know for a fact that girls seem to be a very popular topic among males. What I am saying is that sometimes, what guys think are "manly" may not really be so "manly" after all; in fact, it might undermine you as opposed to bringing you up.

Seeing all this unfold in front of me reminded me of a video that a classmate shared on Facebook. Youtube star Sam Pepper made a video of a prank that he played on girls and women, which involved him using a fake third hand in a "ass-pinch" prank. This disgusted me beyond belief - how could he find it enjoyable to make girls feel uncomfortable? While the three guys were in their own little world, they did enter the bus making cat calls at a girl in a dress that was walking by .

(Source: http://twitter.com/tyleroakley)

Take it from a girl when I say that looks are not everything - personality matters too. I can tell you for a fact that those three guys were good looking and well dressed. But the moment they opened their mouths, I was also turned off. Their pretty faces did not save them. And perhaps, I do not matter in their lives, but what if the one comes along and they continue to talk about such things? I can only imagine.

Now, I know that girls are just as guilty as the boys are. We are pros at playing games, gossiping and sometimes being super catty with each other. We objectify guys as well and play up our appearances in hopes to draw guys in.

This girl, who was turned off by the three young men's idea of manliness, stunned the guys for the time being. I can only hope that they will realize that some of the discussion that they had (which, for obvious reasons, I could not share here), is inappropriate.

(Source: http://r-ideout.tumblr.com)

As the new year approaches, I challenge everyone to be a better version of themselves.

Ladies, remember that you are more than the numbers on the scale, the curves on your body and the size of jeans that you wear. You are beautiful, and true beauty comes from what you say and do. Strive for relationships that build you up, instead of tearing you down. Hold out for those that are ready to respect you for all of you.

Gentlemen, remember that you do not need to do much to impress girls. Girls look for guys that make them feel special always, and for guys that will respect them and care for them. Bragging about your "exploits" is a very Illiadic and therefore, a thing of the past. Being respectful goes a long way, and I am sure that it will bring you much more happiness in return.

A new year is coming, everyone. Make it count!

So respect everyone, be the best person you can be, and spill more ink while you do.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

x R

Filled with Joy

It has all come and gone - first university semester is officially over. The interesting thing is, it feels so final, despite the fact that this will be my constant reality for pretty much the next four years.

But it feels so good to accomplish something that used to seem so far and unattainable. I never had any doubt that this day would come, I just did not expect it to come so soon. And that I would survive it, by even more than the skin of my teeth.

I feel so comfortable where I am. After hours of days of studying in advance, my four finals have passed. My right arm feels sore, and for whatever reason I have this perpetual voice inside my head telling me that I need to study. But for the next two weeks, I am free to do whatever I want.

I think the biggest change between then and now (aside from the change of pace) is that now I am so much happier than where I was. Granted, it does not make me any happier to write really long papers or study for hours and hours on a subject that is impossible to study for (e.g. world literature), but I know that in the end, I did my best. I put in the effort, I went to class everyday and I came out of this semester learning new things, and even finding a bit of direction as to what I want to do with my life after university is done.

This happiness, I think, came from acceptance. At the beginning of the semester I was so scared of the change, even though I knew that a) it was inevitable and b) I thought I was excited and ready for it. But September came, and even though I tried to feel confident in my ability, the reality was I had so much to learn. I wanted to resort to my old ways of studying the night before, Wikipedia-ing all my information and hanging out with my old friends. But being pushed into something new - a new normal - has proven to be altogether terrifying but a blessing nevertheless. I have accepted the change, accepted that things are different now and that the expectations I had with myself before had to be altered. To understand that there is more to school than just work, that high school relationships do not last forever, and that life fulfilling relationships are the way to go. This happiness and acceptance comes after I have decided to let somethings go and fight for other things that I thought were worthwhile in my life.

Today in mass we talked about joy and what it meant to be joyful. When the right things are top on your priority, everything else will fall into place.

And I guess that is all I need.

Here are some pictures that I took over the course of finals mania:

I wish everyone fantastic grades, a Merry Christmas and a happy new year! Enjoy the break and spill more ink while you do!

x R

The Opera That was Too Close for Comfort

It has been a while since I have posted, and this time I promise that it will be more than pointless this time.

I guess just to catch up, it's been a hectic ride, trying to pull up my socks and get into the swing of the academic expectations of university life. I had never written a five page paper before, but I do suppose there is a first time for everything. Thus, I do apologize for the long hiatus. In light of my recent success of finishing more of my research paper than I had anticipated, I decided to reward myself but doing some non-academic, free writing here on my beloved blog.

This had been on my mind for an entire week, and what better way to share my experience than right here. Because I had a week I (somewhat) formulated my thoughts and my feelings, so here goes nothing:

Exactly one week ago, I went to my first opera ever, Stickboy, with my music history class and teacher. Though Stickboy did not meet traditional opera standards (huge orchestra, foreign languages, crazy elaborate sets, etc.), I was so glad that this was my first opera. For one thing, I could understand the singers because they sang in English. The other thing was that I could relate to the content all too well.

Stickboy is based on a book by spoken word artist Shane Koyczan, who was a feature performer at the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games closing ceremony. As a lover of slam poetry, this was one of my earliest glimpses into such an art that really drove my curiosity and passion for it. Stickboy is raw and uncomfortably auto-biographical, following the life of the main character "The Boy" and his journey through elementary and high school. The Boy was bullied relentlessly no matter where he went, and teachers at the various schools would do nothing to help him, and even blame him for provoking the bullies. The only ray of light in the Boy's life was his grandmother. She raised him and took care of him, listened when he needed someone to talk to and provided a crying shoulder.

Without ruining the plot of the story, the opera closes with a bittersweet ending. There really is no resolution to the Boy's bullying problem except through default - he graduates and is able to move on. He survived the jungle of torment and the desert of pain, but despite all this and his attempt at change, he never is fully accepted by his peers.

With libretto by Koyczan, music composed for a small chamber orchestra by Neil Weisenel, and powerful on-screen animations and projections by Giant Ant Productions, Stickboy touched audience members of all ages and brought many young people into opera theatres. The elderly lady beside me did not have a dry eye from the moment the Boy (played by British Columbian tenor Sunny Shams) opened his mouth. The man beside her, a man in a sharp suit around the age 45, even started crying when the Boy and his grandmother sang a moving duet - a duet with no words, just mere humming.

One of the reasons that I was so emotionally tied up in this opera was the issues that arose surrounding it. Unfortunately Stickboy is not just representative of Shane Koyczan's childhood but also that of many children and teenagers all over Canada and the States. The problem is that bullying is still happening, whether we are aware of it or not.

For me (and this is definitely a spoiler alert, so I apologize), the most profound and touching scene was a scary one. As a teenager, the Boy begins to fall into a depression and begins cutting. The 'cutting' scene is hypnotically orchestrated, looping for a total of nearly 6 minutes to portray his daily anger, sadness and ultimately his despair. Resorting to a blunt box knife, he cuts and cuts until the bleeding does not stop. This hit me like a ton of bricks.

In previous posts I have touched on my own experience with bullying and depression. For some magical reason that I am blessed with, God made blood my demise. I went through depression but was all too scared to cut. However, I could relate to hitting every piece of furniture with my fists and spending night after night screaming and conjuring ways to die. Watching this scene after nearly two years of recovery transported me back to those days, days that I am sad that I went through but thankful that I got through.

I admire Shane Koyczan. Having to live through your life over and over throughout rehearsals is a brave thing to do. The most admirable quality is that not only was he able to make it through one of the most difficult times of his life, but he turned around and made it an important thing to share with the rest of the world. Stickboy is something that everyone should see, whether or not you have experienced bullying.

I was so pleased to hear that a condensed version for one singer and a four piece ensemble would begin travelling all over Canada beginning next year, bringing Stickboy to elementary and high schools. Though the impact would be slightly different, it is my hope that all children and teenagers (and parents) see Stickboy should the opportunity ever arise.

(Photo by Tim Matheson)

The catchphrase for Stickboy is "There's a bully in all of us". I hope that as time goes on, bullying will be erased and eliminated in our schools, and that the bully inside us does not ever have any possibility of manifesting itself in our lives.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6 

So let us strive to put the bully inside of us away for good in our society. Love one another for who they are and build one another up, and continue to spill ink while you do. Happy weekend, everyone. Hopefully I will be back soon :)

x R

The Journey Filled with (Content) Solitude

So today officially marks one week of post-secondary. One week since I first started my journey in university, with hundreds more to follow. Obviously it would be really strange of me to celebrate every week, but indulge me for a bit.

Folks, this is a big step in my life!!

For myself and many others in my graduating class, June was the last time we were all together. We would see each other from a daily basis, and though we maybe were not as close to some as we were to others, we were still connected by a bond of unity. We had a common thread running through all of us. And true, many of us hung out over the summer, reminiscing about the past and assuring each other that the future would be okay. A lot of us made promises this time last year that have been broken, either by life or by ourselves.

I said good bye to a lot of people over the summer, see you soon to some, and see you tomorrow to very few. I also said good bye to the old life that I had - the one that I had found comfort and content in for the past thirteen years of my life. I said good bye to familiar territory and familiar faces, only to walk into what is affectionately called by my elders as "the real world".

As I walked through crowds of people, I tried to find a space. I tried to find a space that I would call my own for a temporary amount of time, sandwiched in between strangers. Everyone seemed to move so fast. The professors talked so fast. Time flew so fast, and suddenly, I was back at home.

I told many, and I will share with you all, that I had woken up last Wednesday morning in a panic. I could not find my kilt in my closet, and I was running super late. It was not until I saw the mess of textbooks on my desk (the very expensive and definitely not free textbooks) and my term-at-a-glance calendar on my dry erase board that I realized that I was not in high school anymore.

In university, people move very fast. Everyone walks with their head down, with steps faster than my high school steps. There are people that walk in groups, with people they call their friends. They laugh and seem to be having a good time. And then I think about high school and how easy it was to fall into sync with my best friends. I wonder where my friends are at that precise moment - whether or not they are able to keep up with the flow of university traffic. Whether or not they are able to find friends to laugh with. Whether or not they feel the same solitude that I feel.

And okay, maybe I am being melodramatic and over thinking everything the way I usually do. But today, one week into my journey, I woke up with a new feeling inside of me. It might have been slight insanity from the fact that I was waking up way too early to meet my 8:30 class (and at this point, I was questioning why I even enrolled for an 8:30 class to begin with!)

And as I walked outside, with my mom calling out behind me to have a good day, I was honestly skeptical once again about how true that would be. But as I walked over the dewy ground, one foot stepping in front of the other, I was greeted by the sun shining through the clouds. It was not a spectacular sunrise, but something about it calmed me. For a while (and allow me to be poetic for a minute - after all, I am an English student), I was able to relate to the sun. I was the sun, trying to find my way from behind the clouds that is this new life of mine. I am trying to find my own way, my own time to shine.

Once 3 o'clock rolled around, the sun shined brilliantly.

I found the pace of today different from the rest. I am beginning to make new friends (so I guess I am not a total loser) and I started to get even more into what I was learning. I am finally getting into the swing of things.

"And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great." - Job 8:7

I hope that everyone is reaching a steady rhythm within themselves and finding their flow in their new experiences. Remember your roots and go boldly into the future! Embrace the new, learn from the past, and spill more ink while you do.

x R 

The Most Interesting Half an Hour of My Life

To be completely honest, I never knew that half an hour could be so earth shattering, so confusing and yet so amazing in that one instance.

Half an hour was the amount of time it took to take close to 50 different shots for grad photos. Admittedly the flash got in my eyes and made them smaller than usual. I was blinded for mere seconds to return back to reality, wearing heels that gave me 4 extra inches in height and more make up than I was used to.

In half an hour, my entire life flashed before my eyes.. literally.

Okay, so maybe I'm extremely melodramatic. I wasn't in danger at any point during this shoot, but during this occasion when I slipped into the graduation gown for the first time and looked at myself in the mirror, the cinema began playing.

It is so strange to think that in 5 months time, I will be graduating. I have been waiting for this day for 13 years, and it came quicker than I anticipated it to do so. The fact that I am moving on from one stage of my life to a new one is weird to me. This life is all I have ever known, and this coming September I will be put into a new life.

I realize that I tend to over think things, and this year I've tried my best to take things as they come and go with the flow of things. What is inevitable is that whether I like it or not, I'm still graduating. I'm going to have to move on when the commencements happen in June. We all age and time continues to tick on; it waits for no one.

With each picture taken a flash would go off every 15 seconds. Every 15 seconds a part of my life would dance before my eyes. For that half an hour I relived every memorable moment in my life, and when the photographers told me that it was done, I was brought back to the person I am now. I wish I could remember what ran through my mind when I was the ages of 3 or 7 or 12 or 15. My mind only stretches so far, but yet in that half an hour everything had rushed back into my memory like flooding water.

During this time I also realized that I spend way too much time feeling unhappy about things that aren't worth my time. Admittedly I like to do that, not because I "like" to but because that's just who I am and it's what I've been doing for.. ever.

I need to make the first step to realize that I can choose to be sad, or I can choose to move on. If time flies this quickly and 18 years can go by in the blink of an eye, then there is no time to waste by being sad. Why do we let these things take over our minds and memories? It seems that all we remember are the negative things when really, we should be focusing on the positives and let these happy times burn into our memories.

Walking away from what was advertised to me as another photo shoot helped me to realize how quickly life goes by, how short it truly is and how we all deserve to be happy in this short life of ours. After all, if we are happy, then life will be more enjoyable and be a lot longer.

So live life, be happy, and spill more ink while you do so.

The Numbers Game

So on Monday we got our progress reports out to show us how we're doing, from the beginning of the year until now. It was the same as any other time this occurred in the past couple years: we would leave our last block early, walk to our homerooms with a feeling of hope and dread in our hearts, and then the anticipation of skimming over the numbers, the letters, the comments... it all amounted to this moment.

But Monday was different. Yes, the travelling was the same. The beat of my heart quickened as the paper connected with my hand. Greedily I placed it at a safe distance away from my peers as I skimmed over the letters, the comments...

...And the numbers?

There were no numbers.

The boxes that usually housed our percentages for the time being was uncharacteristically empty, and it left a strange taste in my mouth.

Some teachers explained that these numbers are skewed, and I totally understand that. Since the beginning of the year we have only had a handful of tests and assignments that have been taken in for marks; therefore, it is an unrealistic snapshot of how we are doing academically. Others thought that we should stop being number driven, and every day should be a day to improve.

I agree with all of these, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder about what my "A" or "B" could really be. For all I know, I could have gotten a really high B on the verge of an A, or a really low A that is still counted as just that. The thing is, I will only wonder and I will never actually know.

Does this make us too number driven?

With some university and scholarship applications, we are asked to self report grades, which include putting in final averages. Simon Fraser University has already put out admission averages that they predict students will need in order to "secure" themselves a spot in a  certain faculty for the coming school year. People constantly beat themselves up for not getting the coveted 100% on the top of their paper.

Why are we like that? Why am I like that?

Perfection might be a good reason. We all want to succeed, even if on the surface we have a "I don't really care" attitude. Because in reality, we all do, to some extent. A lot of us really don't know what's going to happen after high school. For that matter, something could happen tomorrow that could drastically change everything that you had originally planned.

In the end, numbers don't really mean a whole lot. They only go so far, but "a good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers" (Plato). Sure, strive for those good grades. Reach for the stars, put off procrastination, and make this year YOUR year. But don't let it be the center of the universe and let it get you down if you don't do as well as you thought. Let it be a reminder that you slipped up once, but next time, well, there won't be a next time.

From now on, let's remember why we are really in school: to become better people for the future, and not to let percentages ruin our lives. I'm going to give it a shot and count on you to do the same!

/okay, I had to do that pun. I'm terribly sorry.. :P

Perfection

Let's be completely honest with ourselves: girls tend to have a more difficult time with acceptance, especially with their appearance. I myself have battled numerous fights, trying to come to peace with my body. I've tried tons of fad diets, spent more and more money on clothes and make up and yes, even gotten to that point where I had become upset with myself and how I looked on the outside.

In retrospect, I know that I seemed superficial, and to this day, sometimes I feel the same disappointment: too many zits, not skinny enough, no thigh gap... it seems like there isn't one right thing about my body and my appearance!

But hold on, take a second to stop and think.

Our bodies are one of the most powerful machines. We have to power to think and operate and we can do many things that other machines cannot. We are all different in appearance, and we are special that way. Just because we may be a different size, shape, hair colour or skin tone as your best friend, it doesn't make you any less beautiful or vice versa. If we all looked the same and uniform, like robots, how will you ever find someone to fall in love with? You would just be falling in love with yourself, and that might be kind of boring!

The other day I heard on the news that even guys are beginning to feel more self conscious about their appearance. This is a sad reality that now, pretty much everyone is paranoid about how they are perceived by others based on their outward appearance.

Now, it's one thing to want to look good, but it's another thing to be completely obsessed with looking "perfect".

What is perfection, though? How much money do we have to spend on clothes, cosmetics, and even the extreme surgeries until we are good enough?

The point is, as human beings, we will never be satisfied. Where we will fix one aspect about ourselves, there will always be something else to correct. The first step to acceptance is to be content with what you have, and the rest will follow suit.

For me, I had always been afraid of showing my legs. During the summer it became a challenge, because I found the weather to be too hot, but at the same time, I found that my legs were far too fat. I tried numerous work outs and tried to eat less so as to make my legs look skinnier. I was always disgusted with them: they were fat and jiggled when I walked. But after hearing about Spencer West, a man whose legs were amputated below the pelvis because of a genetic disorder, I knew that I had nothing to complain about. I had the opportunity to listen to him speak at the 2013 We Day in Vancouver, and the way that he was able to walk on his hands onto the stage, and then onto his chair, made me realize how lucky I was and how strong he is. Spencer even climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in 2012, with his two hands!

After reading this article, I felt ashamed to hate my legs. If Spencer climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro with no legs, what complaints should I have? None whatsoever.

Now is a good time to move forward. Now is a good time to be thankful for our bodies and what they help us do. I have a cut out from a Seventeen magazine that has a simple question on it: "Have you thanked your body lately?"

And so, I have a challenge for you, should you choose to accept it.

We are beautiful, and I know it. We all have our differences but that's what makes us special. None of us need to be ashamed of who we are. None of us should be feel that we are any less beautiful because we don't look like Victoria Secret models.

Tomorrow is Monday, and I challenge all girls to go makeup free. I'm not sure what guys can do, but for girls, tomorrow will be "Make-Up Free Monday". Why should we let this dictate how beautiful we are? We are all unique and genuinely beautiful, and we should remember that true beauty comes from within.

Tomorrow, I will be going make up free, and I hope you will too!