Hello, 2015

It is incredibly strange to be writing this with the title as 2015. Where did 2014 go? It only seemed like yesterday that I was ringing in 2014 the way I usually do with my family. But one blink and 365 days have passed, with not one day wasted.

2014 was a good year.

So many trips, memories, friends made, achievements accomplished, and here we are with a new slate. Well, 2 days into a new slate.

I spent the remainder of the new year with my family in Las Vegas. While it is not the quietest place in the world, the crowds and the buzz of the city gave me energy to think and to keep going. I had the opportunity to see the Grand Canyon in Arizona. Climbing up a steep rock face to overlook everything was breathtaking, and it made me realize something really sobering:

Everyday, we get older. And every year, we get even older.

Now, I am not saying this to be cynical, to rain on your parade, or to point out the ever obvious truth because I just realized it, but because this truth that hangs above me is a constant reminder that life goes on, despite what went on that day, that month, or that year.

Life, fortunately or unfortunately, does not come with a remote that enables us to pause life when we screw up, rewind if we want to fix something or fast-forward suffering and adversity to better days. Life does not pause when we hit a rough patch and resume when the worst of it is over. Life continues to flow fluidly, day in and day out, with the good and the bad.

The Grand Canyon has undergone thousands of years of change to become what it is today, and even now it continues to change. We only have so many years to become who we are. We only have a select number of years to change with the experiences that we have had over the years to mold us into the person we ought to be.

Photo creds to my mom! Grand Canyon ponderings

Every year, people talk about new year's resolutions. We all make them and try to keep them. The reality is that sometimes, life gets in the way of keeping them. Temptation rises to prevent us from that goal of snacking once a day as opposed to three. New television series keep us glued to the TV instead of getting outside. Continued advancement of social media affects how we communicate with one another, and even with our loved ones.

This is why this year, I have no grand and sweeping resolutions that I cannot keep. I know for a fact that every year, I come up with something great (or, it sounds great) in January and by April, I have no idea what that resolution is.

Instead, this year I have a simple plan. The plan contains a single part, and that is what I need to do.

If a resolution means "a firm determination to do something", then here is what I firmly am determined to do:
- Practice piano every day for at least 45 minutes
- Exercise 3 times a week
- Pray every morning
- Spend less time on social media and more time studying or with friends/family
- Work every day to be a better person

All of these resolutions are set in place to help me achieve bigger plans, all of which I hope to accomplish within the course of this year. I challenge everyone to have SMART resolutions - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time based.

Look within yourself and see what you need to change in order to become a better version of yourself. With this change comes great responsibility, but after this comes the satisfaction of getting better and better every day.

So, what are your new year's plans?

To end off, I saw something cool on Tumblr last night as I was unpacking. And yes, I can multitask:

(Source: http://these-times-shall-pass.tumblr.com/post/106767379035)

So this year, aim high and aim for great things. Settle for nothing less than your best, and never be content with mediocrity. You are worth more than that!

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared us in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10

I wish everyone the happiest of new year's, despite this greeting being two days late. May your goals be achievable and your happiness great! Keep spilling ink while you do so!

x R 

Filled with Joy

It has all come and gone - first university semester is officially over. The interesting thing is, it feels so final, despite the fact that this will be my constant reality for pretty much the next four years.

But it feels so good to accomplish something that used to seem so far and unattainable. I never had any doubt that this day would come, I just did not expect it to come so soon. And that I would survive it, by even more than the skin of my teeth.

I feel so comfortable where I am. After hours of days of studying in advance, my four finals have passed. My right arm feels sore, and for whatever reason I have this perpetual voice inside my head telling me that I need to study. But for the next two weeks, I am free to do whatever I want.

I think the biggest change between then and now (aside from the change of pace) is that now I am so much happier than where I was. Granted, it does not make me any happier to write really long papers or study for hours and hours on a subject that is impossible to study for (e.g. world literature), but I know that in the end, I did my best. I put in the effort, I went to class everyday and I came out of this semester learning new things, and even finding a bit of direction as to what I want to do with my life after university is done.

This happiness, I think, came from acceptance. At the beginning of the semester I was so scared of the change, even though I knew that a) it was inevitable and b) I thought I was excited and ready for it. But September came, and even though I tried to feel confident in my ability, the reality was I had so much to learn. I wanted to resort to my old ways of studying the night before, Wikipedia-ing all my information and hanging out with my old friends. But being pushed into something new - a new normal - has proven to be altogether terrifying but a blessing nevertheless. I have accepted the change, accepted that things are different now and that the expectations I had with myself before had to be altered. To understand that there is more to school than just work, that high school relationships do not last forever, and that life fulfilling relationships are the way to go. This happiness and acceptance comes after I have decided to let somethings go and fight for other things that I thought were worthwhile in my life.

Today in mass we talked about joy and what it meant to be joyful. When the right things are top on your priority, everything else will fall into place.

And I guess that is all I need.

Here are some pictures that I took over the course of finals mania:

I wish everyone fantastic grades, a Merry Christmas and a happy new year! Enjoy the break and spill more ink while you do!

x R

"The F Word"

So I know what you're thinking - "Why such a vulgar title?"

Hear me out on this one.

Recently I went to go watch the movie "The F Word", starring none other than Harry Potter himself (Daniel Radcliffe) and American actress Zoe Kazan. If you have not seen it or are planning to and have not yet found the time to, it is a charming movie that explores a topic that coincidentally I had been exploring and hoped to write a post about for nearly a month now.

Wallace (Radcliffe) and Chantry (Kazan) after their first meeting. (source)

To not give too much away, the movie follows Wallace (Radcliffe) and his "friendship" with Chantry (Kazan). Chantry has a boyfriend that, at first, does not scare Wallace because he only means to be friends with Chantry. Eventually the two of them show signs that they are falling in love with each other, and this movie touches on an interesting aspect of adolescent, young adult and quite possibly adult life: can guys and girls coexist with platonic relationships, or will there always be an underlying desire for the other?

We often hear of people dating their "best friend". Many times these best friend couples turn into engagements that turn into couples who are still madly in love with each other after 50 years. Of course, the logic here is simple: many of us would probably not last in a relationship that did not begin as a friendship. As I had learned from talking to other people for my last social experiment, "love takes time to grow in". It makes perfect sense that two people, who first start off as friends, could eventually find that they are in love with this friend. Should the affection be returned, this could be the start of a relationship.

However, we know perfectly well that just because we hang out with people of the opposite gender, that does not automatically deem us to be dating the other person. Talking to different people, the verdict is similar: guys and girls can hang out as friends. One person I talked to put it very clearly:

"It is possible for a relationship between a guy and a girl to lean anyway. They could both choose to'friend-zone' each other because their relationship is almost like a familial, brother-sister kind of love. They could both eventually fall in love with each other because they realize that what they have is more than just friendship. Not fairy tale love, but pure, selfless love. Or it could be split down the middle, where one wants to be more than just friends while the other feels that where they are is enough. It is different with every pairing, because each person is unique. Find a combination that works and you either have yourself the best friend you could ever ask for, or your future spouse."

Personally for me, I have heard my fair share of rumours go around about the people that I hang out with. I have seen that I do have a considerable amount of friends that are of the opposite gender. Obviously, some I may have an attraction for, some I may date and some I will just remain friends with. But I firmly believe that platonic relationships are possible. Things become a little confusing when selfish motives get in the way. If we root our friendships in holiness, humility and true love, then we will find the true meaning behind the relationships we forge, instead of trying to search for meaning behind smoke and mirrors.

Of course, not all of our friendships will be like Wallace's and Chantry's. Take heart, though, that God has something planned for you and someone to spend your life with. Look for true friends - ones that will help you to reach your goals and be the best person you can be and challenges you to help them as well as others. These relationships help us to learn more about the world, each other, and ultimately how God made the world to be.

And since school is starting up soon, I challenge all of you to make new friends. Keep the ones that you have, but never limit yourself. Platonic or romantic relationships aside, the first step into becoming friends is meeting people and stepping outside of yourself.

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour." - Romans 12:10

So enjoy the rest of the long weekend! Rest up and get ready for new adventures and new friendships. Love one another with brotherly (and sisterly!) affection and spill more ink while you do.

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Thanks to all those that I talked to for this post! What are your thoughts on guy/girl friendships? Do you think that all friendships can last, or will possible feelings get in the way? Leave your thoughts in the comments below! Thanks for reading! x

God's Wicked Sense of Humour

Hello friends! I hope everyone has been keeping well in this (ahem) final week of summer.

Today was a fantastic day with a bit of a twist. I would like to think of it not as God bursting my bubble, but having a really twisted sense of humour. This is why:

Orientation for undergraduate Simon Fraser students occurred today at the Surrey Campus. In one week, SFU would become my new school for the next little while. I had been so excited for this day ever since an invitation came in the mail, inviting me to register. Many people know that SFU had been my first choice for post-secondary for, well, forever.This was a new chapter in my life, and I was excited, overjoyed and overwhelmed.

Of course, the nerves got to me too. This is where God's twisted sense of humour, and the test that came with it, came into play in my life today.

This morning was an early one, and I had lucked out with my mom giving me a ride as opposed to taking an early morning bus. As I was crossing the street, a woman in high heels ran behind me, her arms and bag flailing as she yelled into her phone. Evidently, she was late. I did not have time to ask her, but at that moment, she had bumped into me, sending my knees to lock and my foot hitting the curb. The next thing I knew, I found myself lying in the path of on coming traffic.

I watched her retreating figure with disbelief, and a kind lady helped me get up and out of the way of traffic. At that point, I realized three things:

1. My hand was bleeding and a big, scary mess.
2. I had not only scratched up one side of my leg, but my ankle was also bleeding in two places.
3. God had a wicked sense of humour.

Thanking the lady, I proceeded to walk through the doors of the building. I marched up to the security desk and asked for a first aid kit. At this point, I would like to give a shout out to the two security guards that attended to me as well as the first aid attendant. I got bandaged up and my hand was wrapped up so that the band-aid would stay in place.

So why do I tell you this?

Though this was an unfortunate start to the day and I had this constantly playing and replaying on my mind, I realized three more things:

1. The wrap on my hand made fantastic conversation starters (especially with cute boys! HAHA). I quickly became known to my new peers as "The girl who required first aid even before Welcome Day even started". Everyone wanted to know why my hand was wrapped in the way that it was.
2. I knew that despite this terrible start to the day, what mattered most was that I did not get seriously injured. Surface wounds hurt but do not take that much time to heal. A broken ankle or getting hit by a car, a little longer. Just a little.
3. Despite God's wicked sense of humour, I was not going to let something small like this ruin what turned out to be an amazing and fruitful day.

Many people also know that I was infamously burned at school one day. Every time I change my outfit, I laugh and am constantly reminded of how at one time, I was cursing God and the girl that burned me with her tea and my bad luck. Today, I look back on this nasty spill from a business women with poor time management with a sense of understanding.

They say that God has a plan for us, and everything that happens to us teaches us a lesson and is for a purpose. And okay, maybe this little fall on the road is very minuscule in God's eyes. Maybe it was not even in His plan and maybe, I really am ungraceful. But at the end of the day, I am okay. I got through the day (albeit slightly uncomfortably), but I did not let it ruin the day for me.

So often do we find ourselves in situations that disappoint us. This is so true for me, especially with the weather. I am notorious for complaining about the weather, especially when I have made plans with friends. My mom can attribute to the fact that I will constantly complain about rainy days. I learn now that we should never let little things like this get to us, or worse, get to us and ruin our days.

In his poem "To A Mouse", Robert Burns says, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry". Unfortunately, disappointment is a constant factor in our lives. God likes to throw curve balls our way, just to see how we would react. Know that the decision lies within YOU to enjoy the plans that you have made, whether or not they are perfect.

Of course, this is not to say that I would welcome twisting my ankle on my wedding day. However, I do know that we should always be prepared for anything. I am not saying that we should constantly be on guard and anticipate crazy business ladies pushing out of their ways, but be prepared. God has laid out a plan for us, and I am starting to realize that it is not as simple as a straight line towards Him. It requires climbing mountains, swimming across oceans and uneven terrain.

And with that I say, let us welcome each day with open arms. Do not fear what could happen, but embrace everything: the good, the bad, and even the ugly. I am not sure what scars will be left from today, but I will remember today: how I felt at the moment of impact, how I succeeded in having a fruitful day, and wondering if she ever made it to her meeting on time.

"'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" - Isaiah 55:8-9

 In this last week of summer, and in the new journeys that many of my fellow classmates are embarking on, embrace the change. Embrace the new life with all ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments. Keep an open mind, seize the day, and spill more ink while you do.

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In case you are a bit confused, I wrote this Wednesday night so as to keep all my thoughts together and not forget them. I was not ready to post it at midnight though! Thanks for reading!

Jeremiah 29:11

Allow me to be transparent for a short fraction of time,

But I'm scared for what is to come.

I know, I know, there is no use in worrying about what hasn't happened yet. The more we spend living in fear, the less we can truly live out our lives. We should go into the world with little fear and more excitement, more passion, than anything else. The unknown is great: it is vast and holds so many opportunities for us.

After meeting again with an academic adviser to discuss my plans (yet again) for the coming September, she pinned me down instantly (and we only met four times in person).

"Are you a natural worrier?"
"What are you worried about?"
"Is it because you don't trust yourself?"
"When is a time when you have no worries at all?"
"What can you do to ease your worrying?"

These are all questions she asked, all questions I have pondered over the past 24 hours and quite frankly, questions that I have even gone to the extent of worrying about.

So to answer all the above,

- I am a natural worrier. Though I would like to deny it, I am a worrier. I am also a perfectionist, and I think that is why I am always so worried about everything, from school to how I am perceived to my future. I would not go as far as to say that I am obsessive compulsive, but I would say that I get anxiety quite easily. The past two years have been a time of renewal and a time of change. I have started to let go of the fact that sometimes, I have done my best and that is all that matters. With that comes the anxiety that my best is not good enough. I get worried, I get anxious, and I am trying to ease off on myself and the world around me. Let me tell you firsthand, anxiety is not pretty and to put it plainly, it sucks. Now I know that many people tell me that anxiety is a "me" thing and that I am the only one standing between my struggle and my freedom... I suppose that is very true, but at the same time, I cannot seem to help it.

- What do I get worried about? Various things - What is university going to be like next year? How am I going to cope with the work load? Will I make new friends? Will I make it through exams? Will I make it through the next 4-5 years?
These are immediate worries. There is also the worry about keeping friends close. The worry that some friends are making choices that could affect their lives in negative ways. I worry for my family. I worry for my health and the health of my family. Admittedly, I worry for the ones that steal my heart. I worry for things that have not happened yet and quite possibly, might never happen.

- I feel that I have a certain amount of trust for myself. Don't get me wrong, I respect myself wholly, but respect and trust are different in my mind. I feel that to compensate for errors and failings of the past, there is an amount of accountability I have to hold myself to.

- Is there ever a time when I am never worried? Probably when I am asleep. Even now during summer vacation, my anxiety goes up in preparation for what is to come. I would say that I am always worrying about something, but the level and amount differs from day to day, month to month, year to year.

- To be quite honest, I am terrible at finding time for myself. "Time for myself" typically is time spent procrastinating. Sometimes when I want to be eventful and I have something on my mind, I write in my journal and of course, try to write something inspirational here. I like to play the piano and relax with my family, but many times worrying sends me to the corners of my room, trying to figure out why I am so worried and what I can do to get over it.

So I should not be one to talk, but I wish nothing but happiness and calm for you all. I would like to challenge everyone, myself included, to put aside the worrying in our lives, especially worries about the future. We should enter each day with open arms and a trust that God has plans for us:

"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

- Jeremiah 29:11

 And if that is all there is to it, then maybe it is worth giving up our worrying and putting our trust in God.

What is one thing that you are worried about right now in this stage of your life? Whatever it is, big or small, offer it up to God, and then, put it aside. Do what you can do for today, and when the time comes, do what you can do for that particularly worry. You may find that by that time, the worry has passed.

So enjoy summer! I hate to break it to you all, but we are halfway through July, which is insane. Take time to relax, put your worries aside and spill ink while you do.